10 Tips For Responding To Anger in Dementia

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)

Have you ever tried to calm your loved one with dementia only to find that your attempts made things worse? That’s what this video is trying to help you avoid. Here I share 10 tips for dealing with anger in dementia in hopes that the next outburst is short-lived. I know this can be stressful, but I believe in you.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[paulnicholson]

I am 55 and my mother 83, the doctors never gave me any idea what to expect . I am all that she has and I am frustrated and heartbroken for all the hurtful conversation my mother has been saying to me. I find myself having panic attacks and anxiety lately ( I am tired of crying because of my lack of understanding ) . It is great to have a platform such as this that will rewire my own brain to get back my sanity once again . Thank you so very much for your time, experience and explanation .

[ashleybellofsydney]

If a person living with dementia exhibits threatening behaviour, I employ the 3 D's: Distance, Distract and Delay. Physically distance yourself from the dementia patient, distract them through reminiscence; then delay your responses by listening and remaining silent until the behaviour changes to a more socially acceptable level.

[americanbluejacket]

In dealing with my Dad who had dementia, I realized that the things that he was saying was NOT from my Dad but from the disease. He lived 74 years and deserved to be remembered as the person who he actually was instead of the last three years of dementia. That is what I chose to do. Thank You for the wonderful video.

[truthgiant]

These videos have been a GODSEND. I feel like a monster for arguing with my loved one and trying to speak logic to her. But now I realize I control the environment. I keep things calm and cool. I am learning. Thank you guys so much.

[starstuff]

my husband of almost 60 years is showing signs of dementia, this occurred after a traumatic incident and he continues to digress. This evening was confirmation. I thank God I stumbled across these videos. I have been doing everything wrong for him and for me. I haven't been certain that he has this or that MY mind is twisted. Tonight was an answer and I am going to need now to rethink everything. Everything. This is so frightening I don't even know where to begin but your utubes have at least given me a direction and I couldn't be more

[PennyGhinaudo]

I am newly diagnosed as early on Set Alzheimer’s. I just received Namenda as a medication. They said that I have severe brain loss. I have forgotten a whole lot of stuff for about 15 years but everybody told me it was old age but I’m only 59. I’ve been watching your videos. I want to be easy on my caretakers. I know that my personality has already changed a little bit every once in a while and I do hallucinate every once in a while. I am bipolar and when I get dehydrated sometimes I’m just a mess. I try to take care of myself and my caretaker tries to make sure that nothing happens to me so that I get dehydrated and start to hallucinate. Anyway, I really want to thank you because I am hoping that I can be good to my caretakers in the way that you were talking about.

[Kewljean]

As an RN, I've been known to be good at calming agitated dimented patients. If I had 3 words to say why/how, it would be: 1) kindness, 2) gentleness and 3) volume. Your tips are great. Battling or arguing with someone who is not in their right mind is as helpful as giving a fish a bicycle.

[victoriaqueen]

Thank you so much! My mom has Dementia\Alzheimer's and I am the only one that has place things on hold to take care of her and to keep her safe. My frustration begins when my siblings come and spend an hour or two and then that's it. They have no worries because everything is on me. But, I continue to do my best. I will try your tips and hopefully it helps my mom and me.

[christy]

My mother gets angry at me and kicks me out of her house, and kicks me out of the hospital. She kicked me out of the house because I didn't unpeal eggs under running water, this was infront a house full of people during Christmas. She kicked me out of the hospital because I bought her flowers from a grocery store instead of the hospital gift shop. It was a Sunday, and it was closed. My mother almost got me in a lot of trouble. Thank God the nurses were on my side.

[denisemiller]

Wow, this has helped me so much. I am caring for my 96 year old mom. When she's agitated she accuses me of things...trying to steal her money, I hate her & I want her to die, etc. I used to get very upset & internalize the attacks. But your videos have really helped understand how to handle these situations. Thank you! You're a God send!!

[tawnteens]

Wow! It’s a miracle that I found your channel. I’m caring for my mom with the beginnings of dementia. This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. God Bless You!

[patsypryor]

I took care of my mother for 8 years. I am an RN, thought I knew stuff! Boy was I schooled! The best advice I got was from her physical therapist in longterm care: Meet them where THEY are. everyday, and even moment to moment. My Mom passed at 91, it was the most wonderful, awful, exhausting journey ....she had 4 sibs and her mother who had it. Everytime I lose something important, or can't find where I am driving, at 63 I get a pit in my stomach, even though I get evaluated twice a year. My MMSE is always ok. So far none of my 6 sibs, older than me have symptoms. I am aware of this but remain cautiously optimistic.

[jennifergompf]

Last night my husband was distressed about something that doesn't exist. And he was complaining about being in pain. He's 85 and has severe arthritis on top of Alzheimer's. I asked him if he would like for me to give him a bath in nice warm water, that it might help his pain. He said yes, and 20 min. later his was in comfy clean jammies and totally calm. It's a lot of work to bathe him but it was so worth it. Thank you for all your advise.

[yvonnekneeshaw]

I am very appreciative of this channel. 15-20 years ago it was more difficult to find advice. I attended a support group which helped if leader was experienced & educated. At the start of mom’s Alzhiemers (in her 70’s) she was literally angry at for me for 10 years. Honesty I tried all the tips, but her behaviour constantly escalated swiftly into yelling, etc. it was difficult because dad also was getting sick. Moms license was suspended. I moved them into somewhat assisted living (which they fought all the way). It was not possible for them to maintain their home/yard. I understood the huge losses they were experiencing. I was caregiver and she refused or changed daily routines such as pill taking, cancelled home care visits, refused help for dad, hid within the complex, to name a few. I nearly collapsed under this situation. I was sick myself. She began to get physical with dad/me. There were times when I gave myself permission to leave quietly. I needed to remove myself gently. As moms Alzheimers progressed and she went to PCH she began settling down and exhibits a lot less anger at me. She is losing her speech, needs assistance in feeding, and in wheelchair. I am glad to be the daughter again and recall fond memories. But our experience was very tough. Caregivers…please take care of yourselves. It’s vital. 🇨🇦

[samantharossiter]

Brilliant video, but we must also remember that when caring for a loved one such as a parent emotions are a big factor, it’s important to keep calm and not get into an argument with your loved one, easier said than done sometimes when you are exhausted and the loved one has been up all night, I saw this with my mother who looked after my daddy, she was so exhausted she would get angry and then feel guilty for getting angry, it was pure exhaustion. He would also call for her if she was out of his eyeline, they had been married for 54 years and she was the centre of his world. We were considering respite and having night sitters but he passed before it was in place. Carers need care as well, support networks so that they can have a break, even if it’s just a couple of hours to go shopping or meet friends, it can be so isolating being a Carer because people don’t always understand dementia and the behaviour patterns such as aggression or inappropriate behaviour. We couldn’t take daddy out anymore socially as he would either do or say things because of the dementia and I hated when people stared or made remarks 😢 these people were family members who didn’t want to understand dementia or make any allowances ☹️☹️☹️☹️

[franceslock]

That example of the skilled worker and man seeking his deceased mother was fantastic.

[brendadickenson]

My aunt always wondered why this lady was standing in the corner of her room, I didn’t see anyone but my aunt saw her and asked me, I said I don’t know let’s ask her, she may be lost. So my aunt did this and the lady said she was lost so we both, by getting my aunt to help her go out, my aunt said oh now she knows where to go and it looked like my aunt just let go of her. This lady was very real to my aunt and when she thought she helped, her, my aunt was, I think, expressing her feelings of being lost and knowing how to help herself by helping this lady that only my aunt saw. So be on their side and believe them and sometimes just enjoy what they believe if it makes them happy.

[soilmanted]

Some of these tips are useful for dealing with anyone, including those who do not have dementia.

[henriettahudson]

My 88 year old father has dementia. Caring for him has been a very lonely job due to no support from family. I'm 60 and I have to put my own life on hold to care for him. One time, I misinterpreted what he said and he raised his cane to me as if to hit me with it. My mom died four years ago. These tips are very helpful in caring for dementia/Alzheimer's patients. Thank you so much Dr. Edmonds.

[flowersflowers]

My mother had a melt down in front of the doctor...I was mortified.... But...I changed my mind when the doctor placed her on a wonder drug.... No more outburst... So loving... And appreciative of everything I do for her. She is a new human. Now I'm glad the doctor was able to see what I was going thru at home. I believe it's call risperidone.