4 Tips For Therapists About Childhood Trauma

4 Tips For Therapists About Childhood Trauma

In this video we cover: reconciliation, conversion therapy, psychoanalysis, therapy, bad therapist, tabula rasa, invalidating, mindfulness, insurance, cbt, dbt, tools, therapy tools, conflict, self-regulation, toxic, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:42 Connect With Me
3:24 #1 Don't Suggest Reconciliation
8:22 #1 Don't Suggest Reconciliation - Dos & Don'ts
8:59 #2: Trauma Informed Isn't the Same as Trauma Trained
12:32 #2: Trauma Informed Isn't the Same as Trauma Trained - Dos & Don'ts
13:12 #3: Don't Do Trauma Work Casually
15:21 #3: Don't Do Trauma Work Casually - Dos & Don'ts
17:39 #4: Don't Wait for the Client to Bring It Up/Figure It Out
21:12 Don't Wait for the Client to Bring It Up/Figure It Out - Dos & Don'ts
22:12 Final Thoughts
23:53 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

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⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[vee]

Let’s assume for one second that “all parents try their best” is true… that STILL wouldn’t change the fact that sometimes, somebody’s “best” just isn’t very good!

[dieeleganzderquallen]

My problem with therapists who are very passive is that my role as the oldest child was always to take care of everyone's needs, including my own, and never ask for any help. When a therapist is passive I automatically go back into this role. It happened with two therapists before. I felt like I was taking over the role of the therapist, structuring the therapy, trying to understand my trauma, and leading the sessions. I felt really left alone, but when I mentioned it to the therapist they kind of dismissed it because "you seemed to manage so well with everything".

[wtfisgoingon]

Immediately clicked when I saw “don’t suggest reconciliation.” I think that’s the most underrated and often missed concept. I remember watching a woman’s Ted talk who escaped severe familial abuse that #1 thing she sees problematic and damaging is that authorities or social services trying to mediate with the perpetrator.

[bluescrubby]

All the crappy therapists I've had in the past and now I can watch your videos for free. THANK YOU!

[HaydenLoreArt]

Growing up, we had to sit in family therapy and beg for our step-dad to stop being abusive and it always turned into "why are we always attacking him" and my GOD those therapy sessions did me so much more damage than anything else. I wish when I was younger, there was a better therapist for me

[katiet]

As someone who stumbled upon a CBT therapist when searching for help with childhood trauma, I would encourage clients to check to be sure that a therapist doesn't use this technique. I encourage CBT therapists to immediately refer childhood trauma clients to a therapist who uses appropriate therapy. I still hurt from the invalidation after two years. Happily, I have finally found a wonderful therapist and am gradually healing.

[Dobermanmomma]

Every single therapist I had over 10+ years just listens to me talk and repeats back to me what I said. They offer no feedback. It seems like they just want any easy paycheck. I've tried so many times and each time is the same story. It blows my mind, and I don't understand how they have a job honestly because like I said they are never doing anything no matter how good their website looks or what they claim to do. Ive never had a single therapist deliver what they promise, yet im still forced to pay thousands of dollars for nothing.

[wreddmolly]

I can’t agree with number four hard enough!!! I’m highly functional, highly self aware, so much so I’ve had several therapists say my insights have helped them into their own lives…but that doesn’t mean I’m healthy! My current therapist told me two weeks ago that she loves our appointments because she feels like she’s getting therapy too. I really truly adore her, I could see is being friends outside of therapy, but that is not what I need for my life at this point. I have CPTSD but I also have some really bad PTSD from domestic violence, every day is a struggle for me to even just leave the house to take my kids to the bus (because I’m so scared he’s going to find me in the state I escaped to, and hurt me). I have so much work to do, and I need someone that’s going to challenge me and not let me be stagnant in my growth. I can’t keep living my life jumping from my own shadow

[gsimonin]

I often say of my abusive alcoholic parents “they gave me everything they had. And, they were bankrupt. “

The best thing my therapist did for me - after listening at length about the abuse I endured as a child - the very best was when he became angry for me!! What compassion, validation and affirmation. After that, I began to see, feel and use my own power in a new grown up way. It was a new beginning, a new life if you will.

Thank you, Kit. You have my deepest gratitude for helping to set me free.

[-EvaRose.]

I've had a psychiatrist almost fall asleep on me while staring at his note pad! I felt like garbage - I felt like couldn't even do therapy right! I left with a prescription and terrible sadness - nothing else.
So, a really big THANK YOU for your videos- they are helping me connect dots in my life!

[hikingsounds]

Been to 3 therapists. All did what Patrick stated in different ways. One told me that "I needed to figure out that everyone will not love me as much as I love them" She dismissed me as a cry baby. The therapists I went to and the world made me feel nuts. Actually I was having a normal reaction.

[focusdopis]

I'm literally sobbing. Thank you so much. I always felt my experiences in therapy were retraumatizing. They treated me like my family. Always looking at me with a raised eyebrow. And like you said... They chose the wrong side. Recreating my childhood for me again and again. I needed to hear this today. Thank you

[ARA-eeyr]

I really felt it when you mentioned that the client may misunderstand the therapist‘s silence. (I‘ll phrase it like that)
In my experience I always felt that I had to come up with a solution for my issue in the span of a second. When I was looked at with some sort of “expectant” look, it felt like I needed to realize how silly the issue was and just forget about it. Sort of implying that my issues were just exaggerated in a way. It made me feel like absolute shit.
I am in therapy to work on these problems aren’t I ? Then why am I being treated like a little cute child that can’t be taken seriously. This whole talk therapy may have worsened my issues unknowingly. Wow, thank you for educating me on that topic!

[chip]

My parents do not own what they did…
One therapist has told me that I should not expect that they ever will and that it is now up to me to decide what I want out of our relationships.
Thank God for those therapists who empower victims of emotional abuse❣️

[jofox]

What you on your 4th point about the client not wanting a meandering, blank slate, type therapy is certainly true for me. It was very validating to hear you explain that - thank you.

[smashingpancakes]

I've had three main problems when looking for a therapists. Within the first session after hearing a summery of my childhood they immediately jumped to recommended exercise like "writing a letter to your abuser" or "picturing them in a chair and have a conversation with them." I bounced out of there so fast. This happened with one, maybe two therapists. A second issues is that I come from a pretty divers family, several cultures mixed together, in general this made it harder to find someone understand and help me and one therapist in particulate spent more time fascinated by my background than actually helping me. I felt like entertainment. Last issues was a therapist I'd been seeing for a few months, she was ok but I was still unsure if we were a good fit. That is until I started talking about my experience living with depression, I said something along the lines of "sometimes when I'm doing better I feel like i miss the sadness" to which she replied "Really? I've never heard of that before" I was floored. From everything I've learned this is a common sensation, the sadness and depression are familiar and comfortable and missing it is not unusual. That session was our last, if that was new to her then I wasn't risking getting into deeper issues that also might be new to her.

[belongbrasil]

Can relate to therapist expecting you to be the one responsible for all of the bridging work. I had a therapist say that I was the only one that could 'save' my extended family. That was so inappropriate to put all of the responsibility on me rather than holding each individual responsible for their part.

[followyourdreams]

My therapist basically said I was blaming my parents for all my problems. Felt even more alone after that and decided that people don’t understand so I just try to cope alone but I’m starting to trust myself a little more now.

[webbtherapy]

I am amazed how much my childhood trauma is triggered by my present finances, housing issues, affordable groceries, the lack of family get togethers, lack of meaningful work and unaffordable holidays.

[patriciasimons]

I would like to share. I had a therapist tell me that she didn’t want me to talk to my mother for three months. That was life-changing for me because it turned into four years. I never knew that that was even an option. When you live in dysfunction you can’t always see your situation clearly. And my therapist was angry when she said it, and that validated what I was telling her, she wasn’t angry at me -she was angry at my mother‘s behavior.That was the best advice I ever got, and I strongly support what you said Patrick about having a therapist tell his client what to do. I trusted my therapist and I did not talk to my mother. I remember sitting there thinking if she’s telling me not to talk to my mom then things must be pretty bad, but I didn’t know any better because I lived with this behavior my whole life. When I took that three month break it really helped me to see things the way they were. And like I said my three months turned into a four year break. Now I only see my mother two times a year, that’s all I can handle.