Why It's Hard To Ask For Help (Viewer Interview)

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[bluethan]

I grew up putting myself out there for the sake of others to an unhealthy degree, and have become someone who can't stand the thought of asking someone for something that might burden them.

It's not the right mindset to have. The people around you want to be helpful to you as well, this is something I'm trying to get more used to and hopefully others can as well

[aellalee]

Yup. I stopped asking for help when people started making fun of me for not being perfect. Something I've never ever claimed to be.

[FranksCreativeCorner]

I relate to this on an astronomical level. I'm one of those people who doesn't even know how to ask for help in terms of words. When I try, I struggle with finding the right words (or any words, sometimes) to describe my situation and problems. Not to mention talk about my emotions.

Add to that the people who I can ask help. Since I know either they'll criticize me, tell me some crappy/cliche advice (or the same thing they always tell me and doesn't work)... As Dr K mentioned, most times it's not about words, but people. And lately, I just don't feel I can trust anybody enough to ask them for help.

[charliekowittmusic]

This dude was one of your best guests. I hope he gets the help he needs, and keeps making dank music.

[codeman-dev]

I lost a job because my manager actively denied me help.

I was a recent hire. I had made a few minor mistakes. I was asked to work on a missional critical task that was an unknown unknown for me. When I asked for help the manager actually said "no, deal with it yourself"

Bonus, during the interview, I was told I would be focused on tasks that was given to someone hired after me.

[theJellyjoker]

The stress and anxiety of asking is worse than stress and anxiety of failing

[sketchyshell]

It takes me back to when i used to go to school. Some teachers felt approachable and seemed unbothered when u asked a "dumb" question, yet others made you feel dumb for not knowing something when it was expected of you.
I am a part time art instructor and i constantly mention that i am there to help or just let me know if you have questions and some do appear to be relaxed or have less pressure

[uuu]

YES

Talking to my parents are a massive mountain climb - almost everest-levels of difficulty

Talking to them increases my anxiety levels everytime, I have to consider

1. Do they give a fuck?
2. Will I get screamed at?
3. What are the responses I expect to get?
4. Is there any point?
5. Are they free?

[WhiteRoseNeko]

I'm frequently the friend in my group who helps everyone else. I'm the strong pillar. So when I have an issue, it's the hardest thing in the world to ask for help.
Like... I just need someone to sit down with me and help me do my taxes. I'm so lost and confused and so anxious, I'm fairly certain it is one of the reasons I have such bad digestion.

[MH]

Learning to ask for help and be very open about what I am going through is probaply the best skill I have learned these past years. Once you are able to do it it makes life so much easier and takes away so many worries you have since you know you could always ask people for something. Luckily most people are very willing to help others and even enjoy it. The difficulty for me right now is understanding that some people either don't want to, or can't help you, and deal with that 'rejection', but even that is so much easier than trying to carry all your burdens by yourself.

[JohnSmith-ieqo]

Cost of therapy is also another barrier

[Meg_Davis]

I grew up codependent with my mom. I mostly grew out of that, even though she is still emotionally addicted to me. I mostly avoid asking for help because I don't want to be micromanaged. I'd rather struggle alone and grow slowly than be controlled.

[Thunderfro]

People can see it as weakness. Weakness is pretty frowned upon unfortunately.

[TakeBackYourMind]

I find it helps to think of how you view someone and what you think of them when they ask you for help. You probably don't attach any judgements to it, you're probably just happy to help. So remember that when you need help, because most people will be thinking the same as you do in those situations. That's always helped remove the fear of judgement for me personally.

[Prash_]

I relate with this because I have a fear of being judged so I rather prefer doing things by myself. I always think what the other person might think or if I'm burdening them with my own stuff when they have their own stuff to deal with, etc.

[matejjuric]

Jacob I hope you are doing well. And continue making music, your song is great and dr K aproves ❤

[RoseRoseRoseRoseRoseRose]

I have many reasons because I was & I am still a genuine altruistic, polite lady, especially when it comes to elderly people & pregnant women, but I never expect any help from others because I feel like having "debts" afterwards due to the not so nice society here who always expect quickly something in return after their "nice" actions. And since my beloved dad passed away, I'm afraid of asking the not right men for help. That's why I keep it distant here & due to moral & cultural reasons, because my neighbors are married men & I'm single. It's not acceptable in my culture to be seen in the same room with them. And I'm fine with it as a lady with principles. 👍

[StoneWaterGlass]

I feel a lot of anxiety if I ask for help, it hurts.

[patricke]

I went 35 years without asking for help. Now I've spent the past 3 years practicing this skill and still struggle.

[jesst_a_frog]

Middle school was when I was humiliated and yelled at and bullied nonstop for asking for help, receiving false information, and then getting it wrong again and again

tl;dr
Absolutely the WORST teacher ever and also bullying, lots of bullying
This is why I am hesitant, even today, to ask for help with things - the fear that people will make fun of and bully me instead of actually helping

Specifically it was in algebra - I was in an advanced class and had a great intuition for math but the teacher in this class was the absolute WORST teacher I’ve ever had
She went on rants and tangents constantly in the middle of explaining topics, going completely off topic and then returning 10 minutes later without skipping a beat, and then when I asked for help and an explanation outside of class she wordlessly showed me and didn’t let me ask any questions, and then when I took my best guess in the next class she scolded me IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CLASS for getting it wrong, almost everyone in the class laughed and made fun of me until I got my parents to pull me out of that class and into a different one, and this was ON TOP of being constantly bullied outside of class for being autistic

Worst teacher ever actually (without doing anything illegal)