A-spec Lingo 101 | Asexual & Aromantic Vocabulary

Hello, lovely humans! Here is a one-stop to learn vocabulary relevant to the a-spec (asexual and aromantic spectrums) community. Words are important. Language is important. It is important that we, as queer people, and more specifically, we as a-spec people, have the words we need to articulate our experiences. This is how we find community. This is how we express our successes, as well as our struggles. We can educate and increase awareness using words. Also, some words (see: Lush) are just straight up fun and adorable, and a delight to have normalized to the point of usage.

Also, ask us questions for an upcoming Q&A video! You can do so in the comments of this video, on our latest community post (found on our Community page on our Youtube Channel), or on our Instagram! Make sure you pipe up, particularly when it comes to questions related to asexuality, aromanticism, queerness, gender, the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, mental health, neurodivergence/ autism/ disability, lifestyle, and anything you're curious about!

0:00 Introduction + Q&A
3:14 Basic Vocabulary
5:35 Vocab for A-spec Issues
7:57 Attraction-related words
11:55 Queer Vocabulary
15:30 New & Niche Vocab
17:31 Love You All!

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Welcome, lovely humans and aliens! We are a trio consisting of an asexual, a greysexual, and a demisexual. On our channel we talk about queer things in addition to our other nerdy interests.
Go check out our TikTok & Instagram, too! Links are below.

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My name is Elle (they/she/he) and I'm an enby and aro-space ace doing my queer thing here in the internet universe. Join me and let's be gay nerds. I'd really like that. Love you!!

[ethan_the_alien]

About phobia being used - a lot of people try to claim that you shouldn't use (x)phobia because it's ableist against people with phobias or whatever and this REALLY bothers me as someone WITH a phobia. this is just blatant misinformation. there is the word phobia which means (taken straight from Google) "an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something." and there is the SUFFIX -phobia which means "extreme or irrational fear or dislike of a specified thing or group."
it really annoys me that people try to pain using the terms homophobia, transphobia, etc. as bad ableist things purely because of the association with phobias. i promise you we literally do not care, there are better things we want people to focus on like people taking phobias more seriously and not dumbing them down as just small fears and more awareness about phobias we literally struggle with, for some people on a day-to-day life. phobia is not an ableist or wrong or bad term. it has always had these two different meanings and people have always used the words homophobia/transphobia/etc. to describe prejudice, hatred, etc. towards people like us.

[Noonym_not]

to give an example of what aesthetic attraction may feel like, I was at the airport the other day and a bit behind me in line there was a really pretty girl - really tall, straight blonde hair to her shoulders, blue eyes, just really pretty facial features....my first thought when I saw her was "wow, I really wanna draw you"

[kriscrossender]

You missed a kind of tertiary attraction called Amical Attraction, which is similar to platonic attraction but rather than friends it's a desire to be like best friends, or like siblings/family.

[autisticdancer]

My favorite word from this video has got to be "squish." It's such a fun and happy word and perfectly describes my experiences of wanting to be friends with people (or becoming closer to friends I already have) without me being romantically attracted to them!

[davidnl]

I’m aromantic, I have never felt romantic attraction nor been in a romantic relationship, which is why people always think I’m gay or something. However, I have felt that platonic attraction (which could also be alterous attraction now that I’ve learned the term), there are certain people that I want to be close with, like live together or marry them but not romantically, more like in a Queerplatonic relationship

[dvffYT]

Me and my best friend use the term platonic soulmates for each other (so it's nice to know theres an established term for it)
and i really encourage others to not feel like emotional intimatcy is something limited to romance; cause maybe your other half is your good bud and thats great to show 💛

[antony]

I'm aro and straight and one of my love languages is touch but I don't feel comfortable telling my friends I want to express it and I don't wanna sound like a creep for asking for a hug so I just deal with it I'm used to it tho

[LTMotions]

I don't identify as being on the a-spec, but the term 'varioriented' describes me so well; i'm romantically/aesthetically attracted to multiple genders, but when it comes to sexual attraction i'm only attracted to the same gender (so i guess you could say i'm biromantic/homosexual?). i'm so glad i came across this term as i was really confused about my identity for a while lol and the fact that there's a term for it is really validating.

[ws-]

I am so thankful for this video, I am so glad that people are talking more often about terminology from the aromantic and polyamorous communities:

But here is a note that I think a lot of people get wrong:

Monoamorous, nonamorous, ambiamorous, and polyamorous are relationship orientation (also known as lovestyles) IDENTITIES, which are NOT a choice at all and mirror the romantic and sexual orientations hetero-, a-, pan-, and homo-, respectively.

Relationship Anarchy (RA), for example, is a lovestyle PRACTICE and therefore is a choice about how to approach your social life, just like many non-monogamous and monogamous lovestyle practices in the relationship spectrum that goes from traditional monogamous romantic and sexual relationships all the way down in commitment to romantic and sexual exclusivity towards non-monogamous aromantic and asexual relationships (also known as friendships) on the other extreme of the spectrum.

That is to say that a monoamorous person can find happiness into non-monogamous lovestyle practices of socially relating, like mono/poly relationships or relationship anarchy, while ambiamorous people like me can find happiness in both monogamous and non-monogamous lovestyle practices of socially relating.

I HIGHLY recommend whoever is interested in learning about alternative ways to socially relating in a simple manner to go watch the "Relationship Anarchy" channel by Kale right here at "YouTube".

[mspeacepanther]

Hope everyone here are having a wonderful times whether that be with your significant others, love ones or just by yourself. And I just want to add that how I personally think it is so beautiful with being AroAce, like all you need are your family, significant others and maybe some pets. Love to every single one y'all. <3

[cartoonhippie]

I identify as asexual and aromantic, because I find the terms best describe me, but I often feel that I don't relate at all to most other aromantic people, especially when they talk about what exactly they aren't experiencing. It makes me wonder if I just have a weird idea about what romance is.

It probably doesn't help that, deep within my soul, I am actually a tiny post-modern opossum and I rebel against the very concept of language. I can't wrap my head around "types" of attraction, "types" of relationships, gender and sex categories, innate orientation. I'm like, people are just a collection of experience and weird squishy bits. I can respect using labels to describe feelings, and I'm partial to a few microlabels myself, but as soon as the conversation becomes about what gender or sexuality someone "truly" is, I completely check out.

I don't wanna use words. I want to kiss my friends and bite rich people. I want to be naked on a hot day and for it to not mean anything. I want to listen to synth music, smoke weed, and be as intimate as I want to be in the moment.

[thekingsman]

If someone is my friend they are either someone that I like, get along with or whatever and then there's the "best friend" type where you're like my family and I have a few people like this and I love them with all my heart

[GoneMelon]

Oo, neat! I do need some vocabulary for the a-spectrum! (GARLIC BREAD AND what is your fave cake??? Is that okay to ask for the q&a) I saw the instagram post! I’m excited for the q&a! We had lifeskills and the topic of sexuality came up, I became the factopedia. Our substitute called asexual and aromantic the same thing, which they are not, tho they are in the a-spec. He told me that aromanticism was a few grades higher in difficulty, it had me baffled. He also basically said that people call themselves pan or bi and switch with age. I did tell him they were different and talked about it, he told me I was right. I know a lot, it kind of shocked my class. I guess you know a lot when you’re one of them. I think they should teach us this earlier in school, it’d help young people to figure themselves out or atleast be help on the way. Touch aversion? I kind of feel that, if I do not trust the person or do not know them, I easily feel uncomfortable if they come in physical contact with me. Basically, I only feel good/okay with my friends touching me. And even then, it’s nothing sexual, just huggs and stuff. I might flinch at sudden touch, both because of my touch aversion and because I am very flinchy and easily scared / startled. This was a very good and informative video, thank you so much! Have a lovely day you three! 💜✌️🦑🐙

[mk-aka-morgan]

My best friend is Ace and I’m still figuring out my sexuality so I thought I’d do some research on it. Thank you so much for explaining what these all mean 💖💖💖

[cupman]

Yes! Hamilton! I saw that play in person on Sunday and it was awesome!!!

[sadlystuckinreality]

I got a ridiculous amount of happiness hearing the oriented aroace explanation. I was hoping you'd cover it as someone who recently realized that's what I am!

[dreamergirl]

Thank you for talking about touch aversion! It’s something that I have struggled with for a bit. Like yes, I love my family and friends, but the idea of touching them sometimes makes my skin crawl. The worst part is sometimes I really want to, but then when it comes right down to it I can’t do it, not even a high five, or a fist bump. Luckily most of them understand my boundaries and offer alternatives, like I have a coworker who offers air-fives or hand symbols, though I’m not sure what those mean half the time, she’s very much a teenager 😂

For my fellow touch averse aros and/or aces - the people who love you will meet you where you are ❤

[DinosaurNick]

I personally think we should stop using phobia as the bigots will just use it to say "I'm not scared of you!" and mock it ... I think it makes more sence to use misia

homomisia, acemisia, aromisia, bimisia

I mean we don't say gender/sexphobic, racephobic, disabledphobic etc we say sexist, racist, ableist

[camille]

I'm so happy I found your channel, it's so comforting to see other aspec people making cool and educational content :')

[DinosaurNick]

I identify as grayasexual and cupioromantic but I also identify as pansexual and panromantic because gender don't matter when I'm attracted to them. I call myself fox pan which is the pan version of bambi lesbian