Family brings out the worst in you (so that God can heal it)

Fr. Mike explains how being at home with our family is one of God’s favorite ways to make us holy—if we are honest about the areas where we need to grow in our relationships with family members.

Fr. Mike has observed that college students often have a profound encounter with Jesus through their college’s Catholic community. They find that they are praying more, receiving the sacraments more, participating in more service opportunities, and so on. Then they get back home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or—in the most recent cases—a lockdown. They realize, in their interactions with their family that they’re not as holy as they thought they were.

Why do we struggle to be loving toward those whom we claim to love the most? It’s harder to love family members sometimes because—Fr. Mike explains—you didn’t get to choose this group, and they can make demands on you.

It’s easy to be generous when it’s on your own terms.

Our relationships with our family can reveal the impatience and lack of generosity inside us—the unedited version of us.

Be honest with God and admit that the things you thought you defeated are still somewhere inside you. Surrender these things to Jesus. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with your family. They love you. Ask family members where they want you to grow this week.

Pursue holiness at home. Like St. Teresa of Calcutta said, find your own Calcutta.

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[aprilunderwood-moore]

I am not catholic but man his channel helps me deal with so much.

[harmonygordon]

All of my family is dead now.
But I reflect on the end of my elderly mothers life with sorrow because I wasn't nearly as patient with her as I NOW wish that I would have been.
Upon REFLECTION I can see how hard life was for her in her old age.
When we were together I thought MORE about how things felt for me than how they felt for her.
I say this in case anyone is caretaking an elderly parent. If your doing that now, I pray you do it better than I did. 😭

In the end, my mom showed so much forgiveness towards me it is truly humbling. I miss her very much.

[taradonelson]

This is the first video that I vehemently disagree with. My college priest gave me similar advice whenever I told him about my struggles and he related it to everyone else's. But he didn't understand. It went deeper than that. And I remember thinking, "If I'm not holy at home, am I really holy/a Christian?" I beat myself up for years over being "selfish" and "unloving". I wrote so many prayers struggling about this and my relationships with my parents. A couple years after graduating, I learn that one of my parents suffers from narcissistic personality disorder and the other parent enables it and is distant from me. All of the concerns about being unloving, unholy and selfish were all lies that I had internalized from years of emotional abuse and emotional neglect.

Needless to say, the advice on this video needs a disclaimer. My time with family certainly revealed that I was broken. But so was my family. I thought that I needed to be more giving, more selfless, more loving, more holy, do more around the house. But what I really needed was to learn about boundaries, experience healthy relationships and remove the toxic relationships from my life.

I can't imagine what it would have been like to be sequestered at home with them in a time like this. By now, I would have been depressed, crushed in spirit and blaming myself for everything that was wrong. I thank God that I am free from this. I pray that others in similar situations may find the freedom that God is calling them to.

[Liz-inlu]

I’m just over my family. Narcissistic dad, emotionally unavailable mother, and brother who does whatever he wants. And I just needed love and support.

[emaisosa]

I was just frustrated because of the impatience i showed with my parents like 1h ago and now this 😭😭😭😭😭 thank you Jesus! Thank you fr Mike

[aleenapoulo]

Perfect timing—just got frustrated at seeing a fault of mine at home that is no struggle when I’m not at home. Thank you Fr. Mike!

[amordior]

I wish I was as patient as Jesus. He is simply amazing.

[TheFunfolks]

"Jesus, wanna come with me?"... into these new places.
....powerful!!!

[filipkovacevic]

I'm Serbian Orthodox from Belgrade. My paternal grandmother is Catholic, but this is not the reason why I love Father Mike Schmitz, he's such a great person, a true servant of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

[jonathanbohl]

Immaculate heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

[seanmessina]

Just got into an argument with my dad and then one thing lead to another and my whole family started arguing. Thank you god for the perfect timing

[oakheartwitch]

I always felt like a horrible person because I couldn't be that good person while at home. And for the longest time, I hated myself for it. I felt like a misfit..

In light of this, I hope to work through my short comings. I'll be intentional to be kind, patient and loving to my family.

[andrewreynolds]

Father has our lord been whispering in your ear. This definitely what we needed.
God bless you.

[barbarawallace]

Fr. Michael, you are so awesome, thank you always! God Bless

[robinthemathew]

God is sooo gracious....I'm kinda having problems with my family. This video came just at the right time.

[lorazembruski]

Even Jesus had to get away. There is a lesson in that too. Too much togetherness is not a good thing. Yes, be loving and kind but don’t get smothered by other people in families that are not healthy. It is not always your own lack of growth - it may be someone else’s deficit. Acknowledge that too. Don’t blame yourself for other people’s problems.

[ryangg]

My wife lost her job and because of lack of income we were forced to move in with my parents and leave our life behind. It has been extremely difficult as I joined the military to get away from the toxicity that still remains. I know I’m not the only one in this situation right now and thank God we have a roof for our family but the constant negativity that I’m forced to be around day after day is truly exhausting. I’ve prayed the rosary so many times and lift all my worries to God but the moment I’m surrounded by people that do nothing but complain about the world and the things they can’t change, breaks me and I’m flooded with thoughts of permanence that “this is my life now.” I will continue to bring all these things to God, but at the moment I feel lost.

[darktruth]

There’s no shortcut to holiness. : )

Doing things FAST FAST FAST is the epidemic of our times.

Well, one of them.

[annas]

I’m still in high school so I live with my family anyway but some really good advice I got recently was that our parents are going to ask us to do things that we don’t want to do. Instead of thinking of that task as just a task that you dislike, think of it as an act of love and respect to your parents.

[Richie]

Heal me, Lord Holy spirit from doings of my own.
Wash away my iniquity through thy divine presence. Thanks, Fr. Mike