Why Men Lie | The Reasons Why Men Lie | Dr. Doug Weiss

Doug Weiss, licensed psychologist and national author has worked with thousands of couples for over 30 years. In this video, he discusses some reasons as to why men lie and why they even continue to do so.

Why do men lie? Why do they lie to the woman they love the most? They promised to love, to honor, and to cherish always while forsaking all others. Because of this, the woman expects an open and honest relationship, reaping happiness and security. However, when the man starts lying, and continues to do so, it can be frustrating and painful.

Usually, women have a harder time grasping why men would lie to them instead of just telling the truth. It doesn’t make sense to them. A guy that is honest makes them feel safe, trusted, and connected. When lying comes into the relationship, the woman feels that the guy doesn’t trust them, love something more than them, and are trying to cover up something. Many women have dealt with a variety of circumstances in their relationships, but continual lying is often the last straw.

A lot of men, unfortunately, continue because they aren’t fully aware of her thoughts and feelings. Men lie not because of the woman, but moreso because of themselves and other underlying issues. It can range from immaturity, addictions, feeling they aren’t loved, and even psychological disorders.

There is hope though. Someone doesn’t have to stay a liar. It’s a choice to lie and a choice to stay lying. They can choose to outgrow it and apply the necessary tools to break free.

If you have been hurt or traumatized by a significant other’s lies, you deserve to heal. Take care of you whether through counseling, support groups, and other resources.

Take the next step. Once the reason why the man lies is identified, he can begin to heal. The choice is up to him though.

For the book, Partner Betrayal Trauma, visit:

For the Partners of Sex Addicts Facebook group for women, go to:

For the Partners of Sex Addicts Facebook group for men, go to:

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books including, Partner Betrayal Trauma ™.

0:00 Start
1:15 Discussion Start
4:56 Immaturity and Addictions
7:02 They Don't Feel Loved
9:37 They lie to protect you
11:04 They lie to maintain the secret
12:50 They can't be bad
14:45 Psychological Disorders
15:17 There is Hope
16:35 Conclusion

[terrywade]

It’s not the infidelity that destroys your marriage; it’s the lying. The deceit. The omissions. The secrecy. The lack of transparency. “You cannot be fully loved if you’re not fully known.” Hiding your real self from your partner is lying.

[patriciairwin]

Don't let someone tell you you're to blame ladies. You're not. "You don’t create a safe environment for the truth to be told" or "You didn't receive it well" or "you're hard to talk to about this kind of thing. or "Its embarrassing to talk to you about this" Its all shifting blame on the innocent betrayed and lied to spouse. As Dr Weiss says, you protect what you love. Admitting and getting help for your problem, with the 1 person you should trust as much as yourself is the start.

[marshareed]

They don’t want to be held accountable!

[pamrjohnson]

That was the most refreshing thing I've heard in a very long time. Narcissist men are such liars. I'm so jaded from this last relationship, and his lies.

[Tinasmindfugrowth]

They lie because they are selfish and they can get what they want.
My husband's lies broke my heart. I totally lost my trust for him and everyone else.
My marriage of 36 years O know now was one big fat lie.
I know what to do if he does not stop with his lies. Divorce!!!

[marimilk]

Dr. Weiss you've been saving my life, better saying, my sanity with your videos. I just found out about my husband's addiction to porn and sex and ALL THE LIES I've been told for years. It's devastating. I'm finally getting the courage to go on and try to heal myself away from him before I can decide what happens to us. Thank you.

[jacquelinenoel]

😢 I feel horrible for not telling him how much I loved him ... I can't go back after a year, I tried to be there for him but he admitted being scared of how positive I was ... I knew when he lied and let it slide .. as a woman there is only so much we can do ... going through no contact to heal a broken heart

[jamesb]

Dr Weiss, today is Monday January 3rd 2022, I listen to this and had to stop because the first thing you talked about are used for years. I'm still struggling with the fact that God thinks I'm worthy. I've been in counseling individual and group for year. Thank you for posting this. It has been an awkward journey but worth it.

[sarahe]

My husband keeps lying, every time we address it I try and give him a clean slate. It is becoming a point where I feel that I am the stupid person for keep trying to trust someone who can't trust me to tell me the truth. I can't trust him anymore, and I dont know what to do....

[NY]

God does this hit home. My husband hid a very bad addiction and lied and gas-lite me until I questioned my sanity. I tried to do the godly thing: pray, work on the relationship - year after year after year. If only I could go back and get those years back. I wasted all that time on him. He lost his family, beautiful home, successful business all due to lies and hanging out with scum-ball /loser
friend who he lives with now in a tiny apartment filled with 7 people.

[c.barrett]

Please pray for my husband. His name is Tim. I've caught him lying many times about his porn addiction but he keeps lying. We are going to counciling with a man who specializes in marriage counseling, addiction and in betrayal and he is amazing but my husband refuses to change. I feel stuck. I love him but I can't keep dealing with this pain.

[karenKristal]

I had a partner who was a compulsive liar and it made me think I was going crazy. I got to the point where I was literally confused about everything. For this and other reasons I ended up with an eating disorder. Even though went to massive lengths and I hid all of that from everyone, I was convinced there was nothing wrong with me and everything I was doing was perfectly fine. Just goes to show how mental illness messes with your ability to understand whats actually real and true.

[MadamAngelique]

What about lying by omission? My husband completely omits telling me where he’s been. When I find out later, he acts like it is no big deal. Now, he’s teaching my son to keep things from me. My son tells me anyway but will preface with “Daddy told me not to tell you.”

[kjpatton]

I have never heard anyone speak that i actually believe may really understand all of this. I must say though, this is so overwhelming. Your insight is so amazing but also makes me feel overwhelmed. It just seems like so much to understand and navigate.I still want to try but wow>

[paulagillette]

He’s openly doing all of this with out a care for me

[christinavogstad]

thank you dr . Weiss for your honesty and skill God bless your research.

[Awake_not_woke]

LOL 😂 I'm trained by my Dad who is a Vietnam Veteran. I can tell when someone lies and then they deny it. It just makes me think low of them 😔

[ryanrichards]

They DO NOT LOVE if they lie. LOVE does NOT lie.
Commandment number 9: "Thou shalt not bear false witness...."= You shall NOT lie.
1 Corinthians13 talks about love.
When you TRULY love, you have NO DESIRE to lie.

[paulawilkinson]

Recently found out my hubby of 27 years has been living a double life . Addiction to porn all the time we been together, I find it hard to trust men , as I was sexually abused as a child an in a toxic abusive relationship for 7 years . My hubby was the only person in my life I trusted . I struggled depression and anxiety for many years an he has been a caring hubby . We have always had a good relationship an amazing sex life . Right now my heart is so broken that he has deceived me an lyed to me all these years . I just don’t get why ? I am finding it very difficult to understand but I won’t give up on him I want to help him heal because I have never loved a man the way I love him .

[davidgeffeney]

Greatest insight I ever had is realizing why my kids lie to me.
And it's not because they're liars. It's because I didn't make it safe for them to tell the truth. I know several people who can handle few of them are women.