The Friendzone Is A Great Place

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[mistermxyzptlk]

Note for the editor: the subtitles are covered by the channel banner

[spevenpave]

The important thing about the friend zone: use it to develop a healthy idea of boundaries. Some people will exploit your attraction or even desire to befriend them. The right relationship won't. Develop self-respect and find a person who will respect you too. Develop the confidence to communicate what you need and what you're willing to give.

[redgreen]

I prefer the “never even work up the courage to talk to them in the first place” zone

[jessicaharris]

Before I met my husband I made a male friend who I was open to considering romantically. He said very openly, "I don't think I'm the type of guy you're looking for." I appreciated that he was so open about the subject. I replied with honesty, "That's ok. I'm always open to more friendships." I absolutely meant it. Since then, my husband and I have become very dear friends with him and his entire family. He clarified expectations and I was completely accepting of them. I am so grateful for making friends with him. I had no trouble adjusting my expectations.
As for Dr. K's advice, yes I do think that genuine friends make decent matchmakers. I had 2 girlfriends set me up with guy friends of theirs. Both gentlemen were excellent candidates. Granted, I managed to meet my husband online but my friends DID set me up with worthy candidates. The point is that genuine friends care about each other and wouldn't set their friends up with poor candidates.

[wolfysvn]

i love his chats response 😂 “this sounds manipulative” i learned in therapy that everything is manipulative. the problem becomes when the ulterior motive is harmful to anybody, therapy in itself is manipulation of your own behaviors to get better outcomes. just like there are many different types of negotiation tactics you can do the same for manipulation and remove such a negative stigma from a word.

[unholydiver]

If you get friendzoned, you might as well ACTUALLY be friends. Being friends with a girl is different than pathetically clinging on to her hoping you get in her pants. Also I got friendzoned but it was totally reasonable since she was married. She was still really cool to talk to so I became friends with her and her husband. And through them i networked and made more friends and got introduced to the girl i am currently dating. Meeting a girl through friends is a much more foolproof way to meet girls than online or at a bar

This applies to dudes who have their shit together and aren’t down bad btw. They can easily accept and move on from that girl, and look for someone else to date.

[daaz]

I think the point is not to make them like you, but to realize if they do, and if you do like them. It's really insightful to watch you talk about socialization Dr K

[goby]

Honestly when I learned to stop being so hurt at rejection i've found that befriending women is a great way to meet more women, especially women who might be more attracted to you than the original one you wanted.

[filipcz]

My personal experience and what I heard from people is that with the friend zone was not that the two people are really friends. It was more like the woman doesn’t want to be rude and reject the guy so they become friends but it’s not really a friendship in the true sense

[The_Cold_Slither]

I learned this 20 years ago at a bar, with some old dude, who is probably dead now. He said if you want to get better with women don’t be their friend. But if you really want to get better around women, don’t be afraid to just be their friend. Just make sure that’s your decision and intent. He said, “If you’re going to be friends then you’re just friends. When you’re just friends you’ll gain better insight on how women think. When that woman loves you, even as just a friend, she’ll still want to fix the man in her life.” Women are still nurturers. She’ll help you get laid. She’ll introduce you to other women. She’ll introduce you to job/business opportunities. I wouldn’t have a car if it wasn’t for my homegirl. Do you know how many times my civic needed repairs and I was broke? The mechanic she knows from her business contacts let me pay for those repairs over time. Which is something he only does for her and others he’s personally tight with. Her boss did some minor body work for free. Use the friend zone to your advantage.

[cbpostservice]

Jealousy by nature doesnt seem like a feeling that good friends participate in. I personally would not tolerate it.

Jealousy makes the person who is jealous look insecure (way too needy), creepy, selfish, immature, and not friendly.

I suggest that if you are then jealous, to take a look in the mirror.

However if you feel lonely from a friend spending more time with another friend, I would not say something like "Why do you hangout with them so much instead of me? I feel you like them more than me.". I wouldnt even mention the lonely thing. I dont want to train someone like i dog cause i've had enough training from others throughout my life that didnt really care about me.

I would just be like "Want to hangout?".

Sometimes people are really close for just a short time in their life. That's fine. Don't ruin good memories with jealousy or hurt that things get different.

Wish them well, also yourself well, and just live.

Sometimes there's times to be alone, too. That's nothing to feel ashamed for. It doesnt mean you're a loser or unloved.
Life just has its timing, even when you feel you are ready, it doesnt mean that you get what you want.

Haha i've been learning this stuff the hard way, by experience, which may be the best way in some circumstances, and just wanted to share my personal side.

[MainUkraine]

The hardest part is just meeting attractive women in places that do not include nightlife. As a man who gave up drinking entirely and doesn't like party culture, why would I go to the bar or nightclub to meet a girl? It's counter-intuitive if I don't want to tolerate a girl who likes those environments. So instead, if I see an attractive girl at the park, cafe, bookstore, etc. I make an effort to approach and talk to her. Just being aware of your surroundings and having confidence to approach in any scenario is the key.

[riveteye]

I'm dating a person I've been friends with for seven years. I've never been happier in my life, and before it happened I was not even sure that I'll ever fall in love again :)
And it's somewhat thanks to Dr. K, without him I don't think I could untangle all the shit in my life, and relearn how to be happy and let others be happy with me.

[kulgydudemanyo]

The worst thing you can do for yoyrself is try to make someone else feel something towards you. Don't try to make someone like you. Focus on being a likable person. Dont try to attract someone. Focus on being an attractive person.

Dont try to make someone else jealous to prove they like you. If they like you but wont accept it, just move on with grace.

[lordgiblets]

I get surprised every time anyone calls me their friend.

"Wait, you actually LIKE me?"

[Mich-jkze]

You gotta go from friend zone -> relationship.
Not relationship to -> friendzone and you’re fine.

[moliveira]

You, my friend, .. are doing a great work on earth. Thank you for that.

[lukiso]

Its just exhausting for me. Maybe because I "fall" quickly. But I've invested my time and energy into relationships a few times just to see that we are not a good match or it doesn't come.

[jmartin]

Absolutely couldn’t agree more with this. Some of my greatest friends are of the opposite sex. Time and time again I hear how some of THEIR friends of the opposite sex confess their love, get butthurt, and tarnish whatever remains of the friendship that’s left. It’s all about boundaries. It’s not impossible for two friends to find their way to each other romantically, but like any relationship, it’s best that it’s formed organically.

[flowerbloom]

It’s so important to be friends first mainly cause often times we reduce the person in being “the one” and desperate rather than seeing the person as is.