The INFJ Fade? Why INFJs Feel Invisible

I've mentioned that INFJs have a bad habit of ghosting others. But it's time to dig deeper into that. I have realized that INFJs struggle with lacking influence and power. Frank James sums it up well in his video "The INFJ fade." INFJs struggle to get attention to themselves. Many INFJs feel ignored or not seen by others. It's not just that we struggle to be attentive and present to others but that we feel that others do not give us attention or presence. Many INFJs talk about feeling sidelined, interrupted, or talked over in conversations, and it is easy for an INFJ to "drift away" or leave a situation because of this feeling. So what can we do about it? In one way, it's about confidence.

Confidence can be hard to build. INFJs do not project confidence outwardly but inwardly. The INFJ personality type is roughly the opposite of the ESTP. Only during heavy stress or anxiety can the two types appear to overlap with one another. The ESTP Personality type is often considered the pillar of confidence in our society, attention-seeking, spontaneous, direct, powerful and skillful. The INFJ is contrastingly private, hidden, reclusive, distant, sensitive and modest. Only if you go inside their minds can you discover a hidden confidence and an unwavering belief in vision and in purpose. The INFJ has an imagination that does not waver and theories that are strongly founded inside them. The INFJ are more confident than you think, just not in the ways you would expect. Test it by asking them some questions. You will find that they have a very strong sense of self.

[toddbacon]

I have been unemployed off and on for a while and am presently. I recognize your feelings. I did feel good yesterday though when a man at a Domo gas station said to me, 'I don't know why but everytime I see you, I feel good."

[alanamontero]

I find that I usually draw a lot of attention if I have my social "face" on and I'm relaxed. But if I'm not "on" and putting social energy out - whether because I'm sick and don't have the energy, I don't want to, or my mind is on other things - I seem to become invisible. To the point where people who know me might not even notice that I'm there. I can appear and disappear and leave without being noticed. (This is one of the reasons I got the nickname "spy/the spy" at school.) On occasion, I can feel a bit resentful about this because it can feel like I'm putting in all the effort, or that people only like me when I'm giving to them, and so on. I've even sometimes (less now that I'm older), when I've become invisible, wanted attention but refused to make any effort to get attention because I think "If they really liked me / cared about me, I wouldn't have to!" and I end up having an internal pity party for myself.

Invisibility is something that I struggle with. I think it is partly the confidence thing but also what I've described above. On the other hand, it can be useful when I want to be invisible.

[alanamontero]

I like your idea of collaborative independence.

I agree that we tend to see the person with answers as more confident than the person with questions. Modern western culture values certainty, authoritative expertise, and getting things done - and asking questions can undermine this.

[light]

Never going back to not having self-confidence 😂 Too precious an asset to live without!!!

[Jasmineforever]

I am confident when I have a narrative or if something is palpably wrong, screwed up, or otherwise unjust. But I couldn't be bothered what people think or hierarchy or whatever. I step up when no one else will. Otherwise just leave me alone lol.

[SarahRubyK]

Thank you so much for this video! I am sometimes criticized for being “insecure” or not confident enough because of my preference to lead from the sidelines - and also my willingness to admit my faults and shortcomings! I am confident in the abilities that I know I have. I despise the concept that a confident person must be confident in all aspects of their being. It’s actually a quality I dislike about others - confidence to the point of not admitting their own faults.

I don’t remember what I was looking for when this video came up in my search, but it was incredibly validating hearing another person describe these thoughts I’ve had for so long. Thank you!

[kaymarie]

I'm an INFP but feel this resonates with me greatly.

[JonasAnandaKristiansson]

Thank you Eric, great stuff!
have been "longing" for some more INFJ-videos of yours lately :)

[FairyOfSomething]

You just called me stupid, boi? You wanna fite?? :'D
Great video, and yeah, people often think too much about what they are lacking instead of what they are good at.
Tbh I never thought of INFJs as having a lack of confidence, wether inwardly or on the outside, you guys are just not putting yourselfs out there immediately and have a lot of skills that work in silence. There is nothing wrong with that.

[uwusmolbean]

Just need to find your "right place" and you will shine.
Get some practice at what ever skill set fits that place, confidence and conviction go up accordingly.

(But reserve the right to change my position on this later)

Peace.

[Jasmineforever]

What's confidence? Some guy like Flash Gordon or head cheerleader? It's fake. Nice video as always!

[marwafayed]

the voice is so low. Could you please make it higher for next videos.