What You Need vs What You Want || Relationship Advice #relationship #datingadvice #datingtips

Building a fulfilling relationship starts with prioritizing the right things. Make sure you take the time to recognize what your personality actually needs before ever considering “the wants” and “would be nice” qualities. Needs are non-negotiable requirements to build a lasting relationship. Do they treat you well? Do you have similar ideas on how to unwind? What you need will remain the same as you age, so take note!

YAY if wants are met as well, but these are less important add-ons. Qualities like, a sense of rhythm and a love of sushi are nice to share, but shouldn’t make or break a relationship… although my partner not liking sushi could’ve been a deal breaker for me. 😅

[spideath]

Now I just need to work out what I want, what I need and what’s a trauma based desire. Very much appreciated the advice x

[clothestotheedge]

very true! When I was dating my husband it was very difficult for me! I wanted control, I wanted to be chased, and I wanted to feel like the center of the universe. What I didn’t know was that I actually needed structure, constant feedback (constructive criticism), and someone to keep me grounded. I am still the center of his universe though, haha!

[longlegs]

100% my current partner is not anything like what I wanted before, but he is patient when I am anxious and high strung, he knows when to hug me and when to give advice, we travel well together, and parent our pets well. He does the dishes and I do the laundry. In all of the ways we can balance each other, we do. It is not perfect, but the things that could easily be stressful, just simply are not.

[katlovedreamingpeach]

Actually babe your needs changes along with you!! I absolutely need different things today than I did 10, 20, 30 years ago etc

[Laul]

Couldn’t agree more! I was always going for the “perfect on paper” successful type and always ended up miserable because I never felt good enough for them. Ended up finding my soulmate in someone who I actually feel comfortable, confident and empowered with. Going on 9 years now and strong as ever!

[UnlikelyMartha]

Been married 19 years and can say this is totally accurate.

[DORCASDIASRIESMAKINGMEMORIES]

❤❤❤ GOT IT, and that's the challenge of being an adult. Our wants and desires change, and we try to fault our spouses for changing, fault them for not realizing that we are changing. I am finally getting, and learning to like me through the changes.

[KB-pknb]

Absolutely 💯, fortunately we both got lucky and tried to give each other both. We are looking forward to our golden years.

[GG-eqlq]

Very True! My hubby is who I need and as time goes on I want him more and more, as well❤

[lizbeth]

What you need can change as you evolve. Hopefully, a partner meets you where you are and vice versa.

[veliciawilliams]

The best advice you will hear that is so right. You might not always appreciate that mate, but you will love them forever.

[loveyourselfplease]

oh my gosh I started teaching my son this when he was like 8 years old. I told him eventually you'll start dating & you'll have fun & make mistakes but something I want you to really remember is when it comes to love & friendship we have a needs list & a wants list & if we start making way for wants over needs your needs will never be filled. You may want your partner to have brown eyes but you need them to be kind, you may want them to not be picky about food but you need them to be a supportive partner, you may want your friends to like all the same things as you but tou need them to compromise from time to time just like you would compromise for them. He's a whopping 12 years old now & still in no way interested in dating but last year when he realized someone he'd been calling friend for about 4 years wasn't being the kind of friend he needed him to be he made the decision to have a very difficult & adult conversation & tell him I'm sorry but we can't be friends until you're there. I was very proud of him.

[Sursie_Metzger]

Yes! Im in my late 20’s and in my first genuinely healthy relationship. And after a long stint of being with someone on and off from 14-20 and spending a period of time in short term relationships then being single for 7+ years, when you find someone who really balances you out, you realize just how much everything has evolved for you and what ACTUALLY matters when it comes to finding out who’s worth your time and building a life with. You’re looking for a partner to stand beside you for the rest of your life not a genie to fulfill your desires and wishes. It turns out my person just so happened to have been someone I’d been friends with for 3.5 years. We just let things unfold as they had to and in the end we learned so much on our own about ourselves and knew so much about each other that really helped once we actually got together but it’s still a learning experience with every new day 🖤

[hopecolegio]

Great advice. I wish I would’ve known this too when I was in my 20’s

[-MEL-A.O.C]

Best advice ever I've met my man in march 99 and it stills working 😏😉👍😘

[kismetbridgeforth]

Stability is nice, but without a sense of love and admiration the relationship will feel lifeless, "especially over time." So being absolutely clear about what One "needs" is crucial...

[deannabarnes]

True words there, that could be why most unions between folks nowadays don't last.

[UnicorNEN]

Love this. My parents have been married 35 years and together on and off from 8th grade to marriage. My mom always taught me "your spouse is supposed to make you holy, not always happy" (we're super Catholic). That's not to say your spouse should make you miserable as you can't exactly become holy by someone bringing out the worst in you. But they should help elevate you by complementing your strengths and weaknesses and holding you to a high, but attainable, standard.

[ToniWilson-cq]

I always give myself what I want, I never get what I need from another, God gives me all that I need & want, all the time 😊

[talisathomas-hall]

GiiiI agree...however, what I need has also changed as I've aged and as my life has changed.