Why the Dutch don't say sorry – BBC REEL

The Netherlands may be a small country, but the Dutch are known for many things: cycling, cheese, coffee shops, windmills and being the tallest people in the world, but there's one thing they aren't known for... saying, 'sorry'.

Producer: Michelle Potters

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#bbc #bbcreel #bbcnews

[aitje]

00:58 ‘I asked people from other countries…’ - second person: ‘I’m from Maastricht!’ 😂

[FoxFox-ic]

This is so not true. Dutch people do say sorry. And I know that for I am dutch. Dutch people may be quite direct and/or frank and they mostly speak their mind. But do not confuse that with being rude or not being able to say sorry.

[LIZZIE-lizzie]

Sometimes terminology is wrong. Excuse me - is more appropriate than "sorry" in many instances.

[madsmadsoleh]

"Don't say sorry to me. Say it to the sun."

- some Dutch driving instructor

[MrJimheeren]

I was not aware we did not say sorry. I’m sorry

[jensimaster]

I grew up in a Dutch household, in Canada.


I feel so awkward.

[miserimuslovestarvus]

I wish more people were direct and clear. How much time we would save!

[XD-crdu]

I'm a Dutch person, and for me personaly, saying I'm sorry is only done when you really want to apologise for something. Something you might have said that offended someone or something important you've forgotten. I think Dutch people in general are allergic to word inflation, we use certain words less often (I'm sorry, I love you, I hate this), because we feel that using these words too often degrades their meaning (word inflation). Whenever I watch American real life drama series for example I'm always suprised how the word love is thrown around so easily even with people who just met a few weeks ago.

[sheilasydneynotyerbizniz]

I would rather have a person be open and honest, than be polite to my face and talk behind my back.

[jillmcaleese]

Oh, so true! We Brits lived part-time in the Netherlands over 10 years or so. It taught us to laugh at ourselves, always saying sorry and being so self-effacing. We will never forget the day we heard a bus driver telling off a passenger for not saying good morning! She just walked past the driver and flashed her pass. He was not amused, and told her so. We were cowering in our seats at such a public display of direct feelings. It’s also hard for us to boldly take our place in a queue, like in a supermarket. Sometimes a nice Dutch person would tell off someone who took advantage of our hesitation. We really remember and treasure and laugh about these memories. Thanks for the video!

[ytwos]

I am Dutch and I work in support. I do sometimes miss the real meaning of what a UK based customer says to me. Once I asked if they were happy with the answer, if all was clear, customer seemed happy to me, closed the incident in agreement, received a bad survey. I dont like to close an incident without being on the same page. So I did really miss that.

[tamara]

I have just made a huge self discovery. My family is Dutch-Indo. I am the first American in my family raised by Dutch speakers. I am known to be a direct speaker. I also get impatient with long winded presentations. Now I know why!

[victoremmanuell_ptbr]

I visited the Netherlands in 2016 and I was very aware of the directness of Dutch people. So, I was very prepared for "straight-to-the-point" answers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I was OK, 'cause I knew they were not trying to hurt me. Plus, the country is so cozy and beautiful. There were happy days of vacation there!!

[merelha]

One thing I think people don't know about is that Dutch is a direct language, but one that uses modal particles (I learned about them very recently). They're basically words that tell you the emotional meaning of what's being said while not blocking direct conversation. Dutch people are still direct and value honesty, but they greatly influence the way your critique/opinions/jokes are perceived.

Doe het raam open alsjeblieft (open the window please) vs Doe het raam eens open alsjeblieft (open the window please). They both technically mean the same, but the first one feels like an order/like they're angry, while the second one sounds more friendly and like they're asking you a small favor.

There are a lot of modal particles in Dutch (eens being one of them) and they all change the meaning of the sentence. They're aren't really translatable into English and people learning the language probably won't recognise them at first. There are combinations with different meanings and they get used subconsciously, but can have the conversation end up in a fight.

Doe het raam nou open alsjeblieft (sounds like an order and like you're annoyed with the person)
Doe het raam nou eens open alsjeblieft (sounds like you're annoyed and have asked them already at least once)
Doe het raam nou eens even open alsjeblieft (you've asked them several times to do a relatively small task and are starting to get kind of pissed of)
Doe het raam eens eventjes open alsjeblieft (implies that it is a small task, but you'd like them to do it quickly)

[Leo-pdww]

Directness, honesty and punctuality is also a way of respecting one another and showing integrity as a person. If you are not punctual, then you are not appreciative of the effort of the other person to be punctual. If you are not honest towards a person, then you are dishonest. In no way we wish to trample your feelings or self-worth, but bullshitting or lying is disrespectful. If you are not direct about some issue, then you don't take this issue seriously and you are basically wasting my time.

[rossmurray]

The British style of "politeness" is actually fraught with dangers. When the entire culture avoids saying anything confrontational, people start looking for hidden messages to signal disapproval in whatever others say, as if everything others say must be scanned to detect any 'passive aggressive' insults.
I have Asperger's and my brain is hard-wired to say what I mean and interpret what others say literally, and assume others do the same. I'm often left bewildered when people become angry because they think they see some criticism in what I've said -- even though the statement has a perfectly innocuous literal meaning.

[Theories]

We do say Sorry if we made a genuine mistake, we dont say sorry when we dont mean it. Thats a difference. Cause then u can get into a dialogue, and open about what ppl are feeling. Its just about directness and being open and not talking around the bush or how you say it.

[RoyCousins]

In Britain, "sorry" can be a passive/aggressive term. The use of "sorry" can often lead to a fight.

[massimilianoazzara]

True, I lived in Uk for 20 years…loved it yet, one thing always let me down, most Brit’s uses sorry or apology to avoid communication

[masterprophet]

A 40 something looking Dutch woman cut me in line at the Jumbo supermarket 2 days ago.

And when I said, "Excuse me, I was next in line, " she immediately said, "I'm so sorry."

And she continued to apologize, profusely, even so much as gently patting me on my shoulder, and was very kind.

Everyone I've met here in Amsterdam has been very kind. I've only met one person who could be considered rude.

Amsterdam is truly awesome.