Defense Mechanisms 101: A Complete Run-Down Of How They Develop & Why We Need Them (Until We Don’t)

[realityweasel]

Heidi is the gold standard for practical CPTSD/attachment healing videos. She can do and say more in 40 minutes than a lot of other channels will for their entire careers.

[JustWords]

Why is this woman's hypotheticals always 100% spot on for me specifically 😭

[Bearly-cz]

Heidi, in the world of tik tok, Instagram reels and 30 second distilled pop psychology videos. Your long form 30 to 45 minute long form deep dives and multiple parts series videos are a refreshing cup of cool water. Thank you for putting out detailed content that isn't for the micro attention span. ❤

[NoneyaNoneya-gvun]

I wish there was a local support group based on these videos. I swear everyone in my community could benefit from these.

[potatoteen]

My neurotic trait is wanting to send this to everyone I know thinking they'll watch a 45 minute videos and suddenly realize they have issues they've never known about which have lead to all of their relationships falling apart.

[thomasritchie]

Thank you so much for all your videos; I've watched like 40 of them now and they've changed my life.
Would you ever consider creating a video intro to Pete Walker's 4 steps of grieving? (Angering, crying, ventilating, feeling) I think that might help a lot of people. I'd especially love to get advice on how to stimulate the grief process, in cases when childhood trauma is buried so deep that it's very difficult to feel anything.

[PsychedToknow-qwcb]

Heidi Priebe, you are uneqivocally a genius without equal. I've watched some excellent content on YouTube, but no one explains psychology as well as you do; your work on attachment theory is fantastic!

I am such a mess, but you are really helping me -- and doubtless hundreds of thousands of others. Thank you SO MUCH!!

[dextercool]

These videos are some of the clearest online for elucidating modern psychology - very info-rich as well as going beyond orthodoxy a little (or at least from what I know - which is superficial). Can't wait for the next video - in the meantime I'll be absorbing the rest.

[wimvanwillegen]

Enjoying Heidi’s cristal clear talks, she’s amazing😍

[iam]

Heidi roasting the 17 year olds hard lmao 😂😂

[crazymanickid]

Coming across your channel was the best thing that ever happened in my healing. You have taken my healing to a whole forward level Heidi. Thank you for being you 💜

[vevetorok]

Just when I thought I had all my blind spots figured out, Heidi uploads a video and proves me wrong 😂

[MaxKaron]

Hands down the most honest, least bloated, most competent, most clearly presented information out there. I can say that about every video of yours. Stunning. How does all of this information and articulation fit in one brain? What a gift, and thank you.

[alexballiet]

I really liked this explanation of neuroticism and coping mechanisms. Looking forward to the vid on anxious+avoidant dynamics.

[cold]

A list of common examples could help fill the missing data points so we know what to start looking for.

[isabelkloberdanz]

Thank you for explaining things in such an eloquent, concise, and emotionally sobering manner. Thanks to many channels like yours I’ve actually been able to trust some of the advice out there because people like you explain it in a way that helps lay a solid philosophical framework for my understanding of my inner world and how it can be improved. Your wording of these things both respects the complexity/maintains the integrity and essence of the concepts you talk about and also doesn’t muddy the waters with superfluous jargon. And you are attentive to detail without being myopic. The way you communicate ideas is how I try to communicate and I think you explain things better than any other YouTuber I’ve watched, and certainly better than any therapist I’ve had (no shade to my many ex-therapists). Thanks to you and similar channels (and my own experience being a little silly in the brain) I am now interested in going to college to study psychology (while working on my perfectionism and my whole host of blind spots and neuroses so I don’t get overwhelmed and drop out lol). Just know you are appreciated.

[jessicagarrison]

Ugh, Heidi! You are so spot on! I do this! I do exactly this! I like complicated people and come to fear that they dislike me and I pull away. My husband has for years said I read too much into the social interactions arount me. But maybe instead i am not being honest with myself about my own mixed-bag feelings about others, as you say.

Also the part where you describe two people trying to problem solve while in opposite blindspots, we just did exactly that. While standing in our messy basement, full of unfinished projects (usually mine), my husband suggested we just set aside emotions entirely and go through the basement with a real shrewd eye to real time constraints, and maybe let go of a huge host of projects and throw them away. But asking to throw away the dreams and feelings behind the projects, feels like destroying the best part of me that I have back-burnered for yeeeears. I hold out hope she will arrive in the present. I could be her. But she never gets priority. Having him only offer me a yes/no option to the keep/throw away question when confronting the unfinished projects supplies is existencially traumatizing to me. It's like self-erasure. To be able to let go of the items, I have to imagine either that they are broken, or that I have only months left to live. If I die tomorrow, leaving that much stuff would be a real burden on my family. But in that burden are all my dreams. A life unlived. He does not want to hear it. I told him I cannot separate my feelings, that is what all those objects are about! And his face fell like instead I pushed an off button on him. He deactivated.

He wants to hold me accountable for past failings and trouble shoot them. He tries to be my executive function and manage me. I hear him say "you always..., you never..." And i do struggle with ADHD. But being reminded of all my past failings feels like i am a dog getting hit with a rolled up newspaper. It does not change the past, it just is shaming and locking. I ask him to deal with present issues, one at a time, and to not "kitchen sink" me. But he says recognizing patterns and using them for problem solving is a legitimate way to correct past mistakes. That is true of projects at his work. But i do not find hitting me with my past failures helps me course correct. I want to do better. I mostly want to trust myself. I do not find his ways of communicating with me to helpful or supportive. I have been avoiding conflict and trying to do my best to escape his ire. My best has a patchy pace, though.

There, my oversharing for the day. I am looking forward to your next video. Thanks for giving me a different and clear headed perspective to reassess from. I keep trying!!

[draapulus]

Summary / Overview:
00:00 Intro
01:49 1 We develop a blind spot (Defensive exclusion - disconnection from caregiver?). Repressed feeling / Need.
07:16 Neurosis, unconscious conflict? Distress that lacks conscious attribution. Inner and outer world connection mismatched.
10:04 Meta-feeling, a feeling we have of another feeling.
11:16 Neurotic feelings: feelings that we don't understand the attribution for, ex anxiety -> existential anxiety, meta feeling?.
12:56 Defense mechanism, ~best sense making go around a blind spot. Anxiety/ existential anxiety escape, to connect inner and outer world.
20:28 Concrete Example, you develop .. who you like and not, but not why.
27:55 Misread scientific data, ex: shark attacks - ice cream sales
29:49 Why this example were chosen
30:54 Summary?
31:47 Because A.. gives us a way to navigate the world, not perfect though.
31:55 B, take away existential anxiety, we don't know were wrong.
33:06 Here's the kicker.. fire the overconfident 17 yo who hides the outliers.
34:08 So defense mechanisms is.. what happens when were trying to make the facts fit the data, to how our inner and outer worlds are connection..
35:00 Reflections, mindfulness.. programs/ scripts?
37:07 Repeating problems.. anxious avoidant dynamics (later), defenses neurosis attachment dynamics in play.. ex.- blind spot, integrated, feelings emotional needs, logic, data points.
42:42 Upcoming, in part two (later).. teaser/ trailer. Backside of defense mechanisms, for ex when they don't hold up.

[marconius]

I love the babysitter analogy. I'm also an "ice creamaholic" so that fits me as well. Another great video that is incredibly on target for me and how my life has been for literally decades. Thank you, Heidi! I'm a big fan of yours and love your videos.

[paultan]

Thank you for being here when we need you! I've been listening to your older videos to refresh my self awareness