Identifying Explosive Anger In Unhealthy Relationships-Psychotherapy Crash Course

Do you know someone who tends to take every little thing you say personally and holds a long-term grudge against you?

What do you think the problem is?

Is it the offense itself or could it possibly be the personality of the offended? Sometimes it’s both.

The negative effects of living with a rageful, angry, selfish, and domineering person can be great. The emotional, psychological, and physiological effects can also be great. A raging personality can also turn into a calm and polite personality depending on the situation. This is what keeps everyone confused and unassuming.

For many people living with this type of personality, they often wish others could truly see the truth.  It is certainly not easy to live with or cope with this type of personality and emotional lability.

In this video, I discuss ways to identify explosive anger in those close to you.

I welcome your questions, comments, and experiences!

Helpful resources:
1. Adult children of emotionally immature parents (book by Lindsay Gibson)

------Contact me-------

I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 11 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological trauma in children, teens, and adults.

Mail me stuff!
PO Box 113
Bridgeville, PA 15017

Social media:
Twitter - @therapisttee

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#anger #trauma #tamarahilllpc

*New videos Mondays & Fridays with a periodic bonus video on Wednesdays!

[TherapistTamaraHill]

Do you know someone with an angry, explosive attitude?

If this video was helpful, please remember to like, share, & comment 😊

[tokitobe]

Very helpful. What's interesting is when my husband blows up and yells at me over something really small (I cut up the veggies too small while helping him cook?) I'm really calm, and will tell him 'calm yourself' 'stop yelling' and am very composed *in the moment*. It calms down quick because I don't yell at him in return. But hours later, I'm fuming, furious and resentful and slam things around the house, and start thinking he yelled at me because he disrespects me, and end up confronting him later and persisting to argue with him hours after the fact. It becomes a vicious cycle of pointing out each other's worst flaws, and it's never resolved -- he thinks I'm wrong for making silly mistakes, I think he's wrong for disproportionate anger over misheard instructions. He can't get over my error and I can't get over my injured pride after being yelled at. How to break this cycle?

[ShortDarknLovely]

This is very reminiscent of an exBF who would yell at the top of his lungs just bc I asked him a question. It would get so bad sometimes I would sit with my hands over my ears and hum in order to try to drown him out. He was so loud, I could still hear him. I was very traumatized by this experience and it took me years to process it.

[boop]

Dealt with this for 22 years. Finally got fed up. Dont care what the diagnosis is. Going to live my life happily.

[katekurzawa]

I believe my partner my have this disorder. It really resonated with me when you stated "a person with IED receives nothing in the exchange". Most often, my partner is embarressed and remorseful a short while later. Any rate, we were in couples counseling because I was in individual therapy, I had gotten so depressed and anxious I was barely eating or drinking. The passive aggressive comments, the inability to have the same flow of mood, a small mistake like asking him to repeat himself would anger him...I couldn't take it. We started couples counseling and it finally came to a point where he realized he has trouble with emotional responses. His mother asked if I think it could be bipolar disorder, but I think she is confusing the symptoms and I said I wasn't comfortable trying to diagnose him, in reality I'm coming here to figure out how I may know how to deal with it or better understand it. I really believe he has IED, and I don't know how to live with it. I'm very empathetic and have alot of past abusive traumatic relationships. So when I'm being gaslight, or yelled at or spoken to in a condescending tone or made to feel stupid by snide remarks, my impulse is to want to flee. I have done so when it gets to be incredibly too much. I'll retreat elsewhere for the day or night. But when I do stay, my vagus nerve is so affected, that I get heart palpitations, tremors and extreme stomach aches. It has gotten so bad that our therapist recommended me to move back to my parents for the week to regulate and see how I feel and decide if this is something I want to continue and for my partner to remain in our place and for him to do some self introspection. I have no idea of what to do. I love my partner but I'm terrified of always feeling afraid of what's next or being shamed. I just want peace. My partner is set on receiving the help he needs, but I just don't know how much my body, mind and heart can handle. Any advice or suggestions?

[leburger]

Man, this video was very informative. I believe my friend has this. The dude flips out at the smallest things. Like sniffing. I woke up one morning and sniffed a few times and he flew into a rage about me sniffing. It's not just sniffing either. It's tiny things like little bits of sugar being in the coffee jar due to falling off the teaspoon or not rinsing plates after using them and so on. It can be the most mundane thing on the planet but he has an inability to regulate his anger and flies off the handle at the drop of a hat. Sometimes it's so bad I don't even wanna be his friend or live with him anymore. I'm a passive person who hates confrontation. The fact that he resorts to aggressive confrontation and potential violence over the stupidest things, makes me incredibly uneasy about every interaction I have with him. I'm afraid one day I'll snap in response and resort to force to make him stop...

[annjoyce]

I'm learning so much from you, so fast: I just remembered my housemate's m.d warned mehe has intermittent explosive disorder but also ADD and recently substance abuse disorder. Wisdom is for me to stay quiet, to reduce great odds of his impulsivity resulting in him attacking me (big guy). Great advice.

[isabellyshelly]

My husband, but if you ask him, he'll say he's the most patient, understanding person he knows! Lol

[PinkYellowGreen]

Thanks for sharing this!!!

An angry response stirs up wrath in others. Therefore, the angry person’s behavior effects others negatively until they get it under control! Poor impulse and thought control are at the root of it! For that reason I meditate or seek moments to calm myself throughout the day!!!

Gone head and share more of this info!!

[alysongrattan]

Hello! Thank you for making this video. It is really clicking for me in regards to my husband. He yells all the time. I feel like I am often walking around on eggshells, hoping to not trigger him, and the majority of the times my kids don’t want anything to do with him. Every morning there is yelling. And it seems we can’t do anything without him getting mad about something before we leave the house and I’m really tired of every special moment being tainted by his anger and I really worry about how it is affecting our 2 and 4 year olds. I don’t think I ever heard him yell until we had kids and now it is constant which is why I started looking and stumbled on this video. I don’t think I ever heard him yell until we had kids and now it is constant. It seems like it’s the lack of control (toddlers are chaotic) that really triggers him. He has ADD and in college (could all his concussion have something to do with this too?). But I’m wondering why this didn’t present until at all in the first 6 years of us being together? He has always snapped at his mother a lot, but it’s only been in our home since we had kids. What can I do? I’m very unhappy with how things are now. Do I just wait it out until the kids are older and things are less wild? I hate that our little people are getting yelled at constantly.

[lissaajz]

Hi! I suffer from major depression and I also have add. I often feel angry or irritated with my family or small things that don’t turn up the way I predicted and, few times I get aggressive. That scares me a lot because I have a father who has episodes of anger (fury really) and used to beat us when I was growing up. My father is normally very calm but when we least expect he blows up with extreme anger. I hate him and I’m afraid I’m going to turn up exactly like him when I can’t control myself.

Your videos are great, thank you!

[jessicaj]

I think my husband has some form of this or other PDs. He had an abusive mother and passive father. My husband has explosive episodes. He doesn’t think he is having them. But our kids and I say otherwise. Today he had a tantrum because he didn’t have the patience to tackle a project that’s needs priority attention. I’m not sure I can take this anymore. Married 26 years. This started during dating but not frequent enough

[truthutoda]

You've hit every important topic that has influenced me in some way. Thank you love! + the music is a +.

Are you going to do more trauma videos in

[k.jeanette]

Your videos are great & very informative. Im in relatioship with someone who has been thru trauma & hasnt healed. As I have done alot of internal work. Its hard to see yoir loved one suffer & not want to grow out of their own suffering😏

[johnwaller]

I recognize this in myself .didn’t really notice as a child, but as an adult and married my then wife hit me with a basket in Walmart and I reacted by grabbing the cart and pushing it aside;then she was angry the rest of the day because of my reaction . Saying I embarrassed her, so then for the next several hours I was being verbally attacked until she started putting her hand in my face and I quickly without a thought grabbed her wrist and twisted almost breaking her arm . I quickly let go but the damage was done emotionally for her and marriage wasn’t salvageable

[JohnJohnson-lxok]

I have been deal with this in my relationship of 2 years. I have been very explosive in situations that anger me. I recently distorted my whole engagement over this disorder. I hate my self for what I have done and I haven’t been able to eat just sleep all day. I’m going threw a depression and I need help to get my mental health back first then my family!

[karlgozo]

I have IED. I know that what I do is wrong and emotionally hurt the people close to me, even though I love them and would do everything for them. Im trying to do whatever I can to calm down and avoid my bursts, but cant seem to manage. This is creating a lot of anxiety for me and my loved ones.

Please help me find help 🙏😞

[lynnroath-costa]

Hello ma’am, I actually see two therapists a week for severe OCD and other severe anxiety disorders and I also have extreme PTSD because I’ve been abused before and multiple ways and I am married to somebody that has severe intermittent explosive disorder and it’s very hard because I’ve been abused so I don’t know what to do with him because it makes things a lot harder on me because I get triggered because of certain things he does. I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do when I am a victim of abuse and he can be very verbally abusive. He did finally start seeing a therapist a week or two ago now. I try very hard to be supportive and be here for him. However, my therapists are very concerned about my well-being, especially because of how bad his IED has gotten. I know that it is a very difficult disorder and I’m very scared because it’s very hard for me to deal with everything because I get triggered all the time. Of course it doesn’t help that I’ve family members in a four year period. most recently my nephew passed away last October, so it’s been very hard to get any type of comfort or support from him in a very long time. I do appreciate your video. I’m just trying to find answers for what is someone in my position supposed to do? I will tell you it does seem like my mental health disorders are not a big deal to him, especially when he is having an episode. I have tried to explain to him that I’ve been triggered so bad that I have seen multiple things happen to me while he’s doing what he is doing. I also wanna make it clear that I do understand that he does have this disorder and I’m sure it’s very hard because I know mental health disorders are very hard. There have been a lot of people keep telling me I should leave him, but I haven’t because I know he’s mentally ill but me having my disorders definitely does not make me feel safe and it makes it very hard for me to be around. I have to deal with my disorders.

[adamellis]

I am 100% confident this is what my wife has! How do I get her help if she doesn't want it? Also I am getting concerned that my daughter sees alot of this behavior and may have issues as she gets older. I'm running on fumes and not sure how much more I can take of this toxic marriage...

[lukestephens]

I’ve had IED since I was 13 now 32 only diagnoises 2 years ago I’m in Australia and little seems to be known about this and finding professionals that have even heard of it well I’ve found 1 in 19 years was incorrectly diagnoised for years and I was never convinced those diagnosis I gave up for years I have also been diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorder after being around some horrific stuff now so have notices past 7 months it has gone to the extreme again like when I was a teenager

Police have been involved for family violence and looking at charges they see it as trying to put fear and hurt my family was only diagnoised 2 years ago and it’s almost impossible to fix both in such a short time let alone find proffessonal help.