Kristin Neff: Overcoming Objections to Self-Compassion

The world's leading researcher of self-compassion and founder of the Mindful Self-Compassion program considers--and rebuts--some of the main objections to treating yourself with kindness.

[lisareneekozitkagreenwood]

Everyone needs to listen to this once in their life. She is awesome.

[Historian]

I love this approach. But I remember being a child and my mother offering to get me help in math (a tutor), to give me lessons in things that interested me (art, horseback riding, etc.), and so on. But I declined them all. Why? The only thing I can figure is that by that time, I already felt shame and was self-critical because my parents used that shaming language freely, toward each other and toward us kids. So by the time I had a choice, I was so afraid to fail even with a tutor or teacher — my self-confidence was so eroded — that those offers just felt like more opportunities to fail and be ashamed. I think that these techniques have to be applied consistently by parents to work. Now, many years later, I try to apply them to myself and to have compassion for others. But it’s taken a lot of work over many years to get here. For parents, the need to have self-compassion so they can be compassionate toward their kids is critical.

[peep]

I found this so therapeutic, thank-you so much!

[Maria-puwc]

her voice is so soothing! love it. thank u

[mediacritic]

I love her so much.  She makes perfect sense.

[MelissaJHeath]

This is fantastic, thank you to my therapist for sharing this with me

[chanukirupasinghe]

This is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, Kristin Neff. Your work and who you are as a person inspires me. Thank you very much. This video is very life-changing. 😃💝🌈😊

[grapiken]

I wish all parts of this video were joined together.

[danielraypickrel]

Was emotional touched from your video; then went to checking emails, there was a EDX course update, pleased to read you are a resource in the Science of Happiness course.

Thanks for your work.

[esthaltap]

I find relief in this WORD; COMPASSION

[LeeLee-suhp]

She looks like Susannah from Legends of the Fall <3. But, her message is a beautiful one. It’s so good to be reminded that loving myself and encouraging myself is just as important as doing that for others.

[baNkzFortnite]

I agree with the self pity thing that it's not just poor me but everyone has hardships.
But I read a lot that we shouldn't feel sorry for ourselves and I disagree. If something bad happens isn't it compassion to say "I'm sorry this happened"?. Doesn't it validate that it's hard and the hurt is real and valid?. We shouldn't stay stuck forever but isn't it the necesarry first step for healing to feel sorry for ourselves and after the necessary grieving try to move on and heal? Also if someone has self pity shouldn't we be compassionate and try help them instead of judging them as "self pitying*.?

[StressRUs]

"Negative global self-evaluations, I am bad..." is the result of childhood trauma, which any child psychologist knows. Young children always blame themselves for any trauma/abandonment. This is basic child psychology and becomes entrenched in adults. Only reparenting through psychotherapy/12-step peer group support can displace self-loathing installed in childhood trauma. This is not an intellectual exercise but a subliminal, unconscious reconstruction that an individual must experience, not read a book or listen to/watch even the most attractive videos. Stress R Us

[tome]

I get so much out of all your video's . Thank you.

[seekerwisdom]

At 5:57, "spare the rod, spoil the child, " is actually a saying that is based on a Proverb, found in the Bible. It doesn't mean harsh criticism. Here, I'll post it in one of the modern translations so that it's more clear. As you can see, it's talking about loving discipline.

"Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them" (Proverbs 13:24).

[gloriakurkowski]

If your family doesn't love you, how do you expect to feel love for yourself?

[joycegoes]

Jaante ho jab main previous psychiatrist ke paas gayi thi aur Maine tumhari usko depression story batayi thi. Tho uss doctor ne tumhe therapist ke paas Jane ko keh Rahe te. Vo doctor tumahare thoughts ko importance de Rahe te about your depresdion to go. Matlab tumahare thoughts Matlab your feelings I think. Vo doctor shayad keh Rahe te tumahare thoughts change hona chahiye. Kya tum God se pray Kar sakte ho ki main apni thoughts yaa feelings ko kaise change kar sakte hu regarding my past(guilt).

[baNkzFortnite]

So the only difference is that in self pity you believe only you suffer which is a lack of perspective. Self compassion means having perspective and seeing that everyone has hardships. Is there another difference?

[lisabeth]

Sometimes we need, as humans to be harsh on ourselves Doing ongoing Self Assessment is what we should be doing. It is painful as we see where we were wrong or we could have done better. If we are too light on ourselves which seems to be more the way people are today .. That is mindlessness Rather, we must ponder ourselves (possibly harshly) and look at how we need to be better people so much narcissism and egoism today and so one must be ever-vigilant to not be overcome and become like that, and therefore self-assessment and yes, sometimes self-condemnation, must come into our consciousness so we become more conscientious...and that in order that we understand how grave it is not to try hard to change..

[eviltree]

com·pas·sion
Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

so self-compassion is self-pity