Why Does Being A Caregiver Make Me Feel Angry or Mean?

Caregivers Ask: Why does being a caregiver make me mean or angry? In this caregiver video, Pamela D Wilson shares insights and solutions for caregivers who might be stuck in habits or patterns that allow negativity into their lives.

[donnaallgaier-lamberti]

Exhaustion, frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, years of not being able to have a vacation or respite when needed, Spending my days and nights taking care of another person needs and no one cares about MY needs. Having no senior services available and no help from other family members. Having to do ALL the driving, errand running which exhausts me with my own health issues. No one says thank you, or I appreciate your help etc. Not enough money to pay for help and it's just all never-ending.

[rose]

I guess I've just sort of fallen into the position of a reluctant caregiver. I used to live in a house next door to my elderly parents, but now I'm staying in the guestroom at my parents house. I've kind of accepted this since my mother had a heart attack on 2-4-2022. I honestly just want to run away, escape. I know it's not nice, but it's true.

[jennynunez]

I'm my 97 yr old Mother's only caregiver. I'm 67, and I retired at 62 to travel, relax and have fun. Well things didn't turn out that way. 1 month into my retirement she fell and broke her hip. Now I'm home caring for her. My personal life, physical and mental well being have suffered. I'm angry and resentful. I have a sister who knows what I'm going through but doesn't help or care. She hasn't seen Mom in one year and she lives only 45 minutes away. I want to put her in a home, but I feel so guilty, but I want my life back 😪

[lavenderspirits]

I hate caregiving. My mother died suddenly & I’m now taking care of my brother 24/7. He has severe autism, IDD & is nonverbal. I have to do everything for him. He rocks back & forth & breaks furniture. Spits everywhere. Always going in his diaper when he knows how to use the bathroom.Hoards & waste food. Refuses his meds sometimes. Is physically aggressive. The list goes on & on. I’m so frustrated. I love him & promised my mother I would take care of him but I want my life back. It’s too much.

[dracarys-lhku]

Things people say. "They took care of all of you, but all of you can't take care of ONE of you."

Raising children is progress. Caring for aging family is digress. You can expect a child will soon learn to dress themselves. You can expect aging to make it harder in a caregiving situation.

Children learn to cooperate. Aging parents don't have to.

If you have 3 kids, the care they require progressively reduces over time (the one on one stuff; diapering, dressing, etc). In caregiving, it could increase to both parents, parents AND siblings. Also, most don't think about the caregiving load being simultaneous with still having your own kids to raise. The last year's of having kids at home before leaving the nest, and you have to spend it caregiving instead of enjoying your kids.
If the person requires being home all the time, this situation can be extremely difficult.

Caregiving is NOTHING like caring for children.

The role reversal is very odd. You are parenting your parent.

[LostInThisGardenofLife]

My day always starts great until I wake up. 😢

[Intangibleinspirations]

This is the worst situation in my life. I’m the only child, single mother to 3 children my youngest is 4 and is nonverbal autistic. Work 2 jobs from home and my mother had a severe stroke on 4/13, leaving her with her right side impaired. I’m now her full time caregiver because she asked me if I would keep her and plus I didn’t want her going into a home. This has become A LOT on me mentally, I’m not doing well on my jobs on top of having to care for my mom and kids, house chores and preparing meals. I hate being a caregiver I’m only 37 and I feel like my life and my kids life has stopped. I feel so bad that I can’t do anything with my kids because I have to make sure I’m here for my mom! I ask myself everyday why am I having to go through this without any help or financial assistance because FL doesn’t pay you for being a caregiver.

[semmes]

senior adults are worse than children to deal with. I resent my in laws due to their lack of respect, gratitude and general stubbornness....Im in the verge of done

[shespeaks]

I'm beyond frustrated, exhausted a resentful being a caregiver of a negative, selfish, manipulative and controlling spouse. The fact is he was always this way but it's worsen with his illness. The whole family has been supportive ( our kids) but even they have moments where they don't want to deal with it.

[deannafisher]

I really inderstand and feel what you are going through. I've been taking care of my invalid husband for eleven years snd i feel there is no way out!! I have been thinking of leaving him at the Drs office and leaving. That's how desperate i am. Of course i know i can't fo that but im so tired snd i cry all the time .

[mystage]

I care from my mother did everything for her now I am caring for her friend doing everything for her. Who’s going to care for me nobody.

[mybiz]

I hate caring for my mom- but I love my mom. .. I love my mom- but her need of me has be untenable for decades... its too much now and it's always been TOO MUCH NEED.

[mfnfokm]

Im 35 caregiving my 75 year old mom and cargave my dad who passed away this year at age 87-- is anyone else here in my age range?

[valelliott]

I appreciate the help you are giving.
Can you address caregiving frustrations for spouses? We are with the patient 24 hours a day. Often spouses have a life time of being waited on. They do not recognize when that has grown into an all consuming burden.

[Cheri-Calif]

Caregiver here for adult child with terminal cancer. Trying so hard to keep a positive attitude and many times I just fall apart.

[GuyReloaded]

Extremely helpful as usual; thank you so much.

[michellemcmanus]

Ive found the elderly are the worst to care for!
They become, rude, awkward and entitled and on top of all that they never seem to appreciate the life you've given up for them and everything you do is just expected and never appreciated!

Im going to say to my kids when they get older to NEVER pander to me if i become like that! And to never give up your life or your dreams to care for me!
Dont ever feel guilty about putting me in a care home, no matter how much i kick and scream because the REAL me, the person i am now with my fully functioning mind woukd never in a million years want that for my kids!

[Dalnutt]

Over 3 yrs of helping my 53 yr old fiance who's in TOTAL kidney failure. I'm exhausted. I gave up my retirement, whole life including family, friends etc. Between falling, off and on hospice etc. I'm drained but I won't quit or let her down.
Her dad said Im her enemy in her mind because I have sensor cameras she hates (watch for her falling) she hates the bed rail etc. She gets combative. I'm alone in the country dealing with this. In the hospital as I type. I'm 60 and tired

[mikkiwyatt]

I am stepmom and primary care giver to two step sons with muscular dystrophy. One is okay- heading off to college soon. The younger, 16, can’t do anything in his own. I do everything for him.
Their biological mom comes to visit for about 4 hours every three months or so.
My husband lost his job and found another job that is three hours away so he stays in that town five days a week.
He is also an amputee and physically can’t get either of his sons in or out of bed.
I’m feeling very overwhelmed lately.
I don’t want to be the care giver anymore.

[PunkMartyr]

My client has a tbi. I did everything possible to be good, kind and gentle towards him. I wanted to be his friend. He has no idea what that word means. He has intentionally harmed me emotionally and physically on many occasions. I now do not bother talking to him I am just there to feed, wipe, wash etc. I feel so sad for him. Sometimes apathy is the answer. Theres only so many chances you can give someone. One of my biggest regrets is no one warning me the client was like this. Two of his former caregivers I thought of as my friend. I have begun to question that. I would never invite someone into a situation like this without sitting them down and having the “yeah so about this person..” talk.