Message to Neurotypical Wives: Your 'Relationship Work' Ain’t Workin’

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Downloadable programs:

Coaching services for autistic male partners:

Coaching services for neurotypical female partners:

Coaching services for the ASD + NT couple:

Individual coaching services:

Access to “Members-Only” videos:

Parenting resources:
  1. Mark Hutten, M.A.
  2. Marriage to men with Asperger syndrome
  3. Cassandra syndrome and marriage
  4. Relationship problems in autistic adults
  5. Married to spouse with autism spectrum disorder
  6. Communication problems with Aspergers husbands
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Комментарии
Автор

I stopped working on him and started working on myself and it was magic. I shifted and then he shifted. We now get along better than ever.

alyzimm
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Does it seem like the harder you work, the worse it gets? Has it been bad for a very long time? Maybe your well-intentioned attempt at "efforting" is moving you in the wrong direction. It’s often the case that "less work is better" in a troublesome neurodiverse marriage. Don’t waste any more time and energy trying to change the things that have been unchangeable up to this point. Doing the same things over and over again while expecting different results is hurting YOU -- it will make you mentally and physically sick. Save your time and energy for the things that you have noticed you CAN control based on past experience (evidence of success). If you have no prior evidence that you can control something, let go of it.

markhutten
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this is purely my experience, but I have found that putting energy into not being a source of anxiety for my ASD husband, rather acknowledging and holding space for that anxiety, has been working wonders for my husband. Still feels like I'm beating my head against a wall at times until it finally clicks for him, but dialing down the anxiety levels the playing field to where you both can hold space and work together because you're no longer a threat he's directing his energy towards protecting himself against. His energy can be used towards moving forward

rubyb
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Thank you, Mark. I needed to hear this.

daydreamstitcher
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Absolutely true, based on my 26 years in.

launderedcotton
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What do I do when he says he will never love me again and does not wish to see me ever again...? He only wants to watch shows online with me at his convenient time (ex. 5am) and if I can't because I fell asleep, he will get extremely upset. He won't even respond to my messages at all. I've been staying awake all night for days already to show I care about him. We just watch shows and he hangs up immediately. Please... what do I do so I can get him back?

JennyFromTheBlock-