the hidden cost of good service (from an ex-waitress)

What is emotional labour? In this video, Melissa takes some research guidance from Dr. Arlie Hochschild, fights a twitter thread, and reads 1200 service reviews better understand the phenomenon.

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SOCIAL MEDIA
Sabrina
Melissa
Taha

CREDITS
Produced by Melissa Fernandes
Video Editing by Joe Trickey
Motion Design by Olivér Varga & Krisztina Varga
Sound Design by Joe Trickey

MUSIC

RECOMMENDED READING
The Managed Heart by Arlie Russel Hochschild
Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber

TIMESTAMPS
00:00 pls stay I'm not actually like this
00:53 a server storytime
01:57 an email? for me?
02:26 What Is Emotional Labour
04:07 srry thats not emotional laboour, ur a bad friend
05:19 commercial break
07:22 a little data dive, who am i sabrina?
08:16 melissa makes bad printing decision
09:17 melissa reads ALOT of reviews
10:12 fine I'll learn to code
11:22 sorry for another cheesy ending

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Welcome to the joke under the fold!

The waiter at our local indian restaurant asked if I wanted bread before the meal. "That's a naan starter" I told him.

Leave a comment with the word BREAD to let me know you were here ;-)

[ronnytm]

"goes both ways" really hit home with me. At one point I wondered why supermarket checkout operators didn't seem happy or friendly. Until, one day, I decided I would smile and be friendly to them! When I did, I always got back what I gave and left feeling good. If you think your server isn't being friendly enough, try being nice to them, because it's highly likely that you, the customer, is actually the problem! ;)

[spamuel]

As a delivery driver, I actually listen to a lot of podcasts in the car to actually make me laugh, so that when I deliver someone's food, the smile isn't completely fake. But the real trick to faking a convincing smile isn't that hard to pick up on; it's all in the eyes, not the mouth, especially with a lot of mask wearing; relaxed and semi-raised eyebrows with a slight upwards squint at the outer edges of the eyes do the trick.

[khalilahd.]

I hate when people treat service workers poorly. And I love that you opened that dialogue 🙏🏽

[Devedrus]

I may be in a minority, but the intense friendliness of service workers can make me uncomfortable sometimes. It makes me feel like I need to emotionally reciprocate, and that can create extra effort on my part too that I don't necessarily want when I'm just trying to make a transaction.

I recently moved from the US to a culture where tipping isn't expected and it's a lot more comfortable. The average server still is polite but it tends to feel more casual; less "excellent choice that's my favorite too" more "okay it'll be out soon".

[jarm]

Also people should keep in mind that some people will literally just say bad service for anything. I had a table once that were having a great time, every time I went over we were joking and laughing. They let me know how great I was. At the end, I gave them their check and they asked me to come close. They were tourists and wanted to know where they could find some weed. I don’t smoke and had no idea, and I said to them “Oh I don’t partake so I have no idea, sorry!” Their attitude completely changed. After they left, I picked up their credit card slip and saw that they put a big 0 in the tip line and wrote “Terrible service”. I don’t know if they thought I was lying to them or judging them but it was really upsetting. It truly IS emotional labor. All that joking and conversation is because I’m trying to give you a good time, not because I care, but because I pay my bills with tips. And I have to keep up that act all day with every single person that comes in. And then because I couldn’t answer their question I’m told that all my labor was for nothing. Not only that, but to be told I did a terrible job! I feel like sometimes customers truly don’t see us as people.

[messykeys]

As an autistic person, it’s astounding how much this idea of emotional labor resonates with my life experiences. Autistic people struggling with masking are constantly performing emotional labor in our every day lives and it’s exhausting.

[giuliettawilliamson]

Oooh I did my undergraduate dissertation on the impact of emotional labour on burnout in the hospitality industry! Which basically confirmed that customers are often The Worst. Also as a side note, when I bought my ice skates a few years ago the guy helping me had approximately zero customer service skills and he was fantastic. 10/10 experience I felt so much more comfortable with this grouchy dude who only opens his shop whenever he feels like it than in places like lush where the customer service is practically suffocating (no shade to the people working there as it's a requirement of their jobs, ik)

ALSO forgot to mention that I've been back in the shop with the grouchy dude a couple of times since and last time he was lovely and while it could be that he's making more of an effort in general, I've decided he thinks I'm a good customer :)

[amiscellaneoushuman]

I find it interesting that a common phrase in the positive reviews was
This may be a cultural difference but, to me "professionalism" and "friendliness" are two different things; the former implies an efficient and emotionally distanced but polite relationship between people in a business interaction, the later implies a a genuine emotional and/or social bond between people in a casual interaction.

[jacobzacharias]

Love this episode!! As a Starbucks barista, a big part of our training is focused on the emotional labor that's expected of us, it's exhausting! The amount of people that yell to your face while your manager expects you to keep smiling is crazy

[gilles]

There is nothing better than naming something you suspected was happening all along. It validates the inner psyche, we all intrinsically understand this term . Yet having it pried into the open is great.

[CelestialScribbler]

Emotional labor is like second nature to me, but also soul crushing. It's utterly bizzar to be deeply depressed and get complimented on how happy and friendly you are. And people's expectations are ridiculous, a normal neutral expression is read as being annoyed because they are used to fake smiles, and customers will call you rude or mean purely because they aren't getting their way despite you keeping up the smiles and compassion.

[florianedlinger]

I think it's also important to point out that this whole concept of emotional labor and over-friendly customer service is a very American thing. In most of Europe, this kind of "Customer is KING/QUEEN" attitude is not expected from people working in service. There is a much more equal relationship between the customer and the "servant". I give you money, you give me what I ordered! And for the most parts that it. However, I feel like there is definitely a change in culture going on right now, as most European countries are heavily influenced by American culture and all the consumerism that comes with it. I think this friendly at all cost attitude is closely linked with capitalism and the theory of "money is power" so " be friendly to people who bring in money".

[TheBurgerkrieg]

The culture of enforced niceness is genuinely one of the most dystopian things about modern workplaces. I dislike this creeping tendency of the restaurant industry in continental Europe to adopt the "American" service philosophy. It's pleasant to have a service worker be nice to me when they are feeling good, but when it's put on and they are exhausted or hurting it just makes me feel bad for them.
I remember when WalMart failed In Germany because we got creeped out that the cashiers had to be saccharin friendly and couldn't sit down. If you are rude to service staff, they should not have to be nice to you. This expectation reeks of entitlement and is extremely dehumanising.

[alannahwray]

I remember working an absolute shit job at a fast food place that was open at the literal ass crack of dawn. I had to wake up at 3 AM so I could get ready and be there by 4. We opened at 5. The only people that came in when we were open were the elderly. One morning, I was sweeping and this older man told me "Smile, it can't be all that bad!" when I was literally looking down to sweep. He took my neutral face for anger or sadness. I learned rather quickly that, at that time, I did NOT have emotional labor skills. It still baffles me to this day that the expectation was that I would have an ear-to-ear grin on my face while doing such a mundane task as sweeping.

Am I one of the rare few that don't really care? As long as the server isn't outright rude, the smiles and the friendliness of the server doesn't affect my impression of the service that much.

[DestinyTrioInc]

This was really interesting, but one avenue I think deserves attention is that it sometimes doesn't matter how kind/smiley/ etc you are, if your answer isn't what a customer wants to hear they'll still call you rude/uncaring. Even if you tell them exactly how to get what they want, but it's just not the way they thought.

[faithjolley]

I totally understand this frustration with the misuse of the term emotional labor. The example with the friend is more about boundaries and self care than it is about emotional labor. Like yeah, it wouldn't be great for your friend to tell you that they don't have the capacity for your rant, but in their defense, you should always ask first. Consent isn't just about physical stuff, dealing with other people's emotions can be extremely draining and could be something that might trigger you, or be distressing if you're already in a vulnerable state. Being rejected or told no is always going to suck, but we should respect that friend and wish the best for their well-being, even if we're going through a rough patch.

[pip]

Customer service is great. I've straight up had a customer tell me to my face that the loss of my family member's life "didn't happen" and just kept smiling 'till I got a tip.

[Lydianime]

I never thought about how much the expectations of the customer going into the situation shapes the interaction, but now I'm looking back at the really great customer service interactions I've personally had and it totally makes sense.

A couple weeks ago I left a 10$ tip on a 11$ bill at a board game café because the staff let my group stay 15 minutes past closing to finish our game and put it away. In that situation I EXPECTED the staff to act negatively towards us because we lost track of time and were inconveniencing them. When I was met instead with kindness and a relaxed demeanor, that made me feel positively enough about the staff and the establishment that I tipped almost 100% and posted a novel of a YouTube comment. If I had come in expecting this level of accommodation by default and instead I (rightly) was asked to leave because they were closed, I would have had a very different review of the service there.

(If you bothered reading this far and are curious, the cafe is called RollPlay in Madison, Wisconsin, USA. We played Wingspan and ate dessert Taiyaki and had a blast!)

[daltoncasey]

Two AIP episodes within 2 weeks! Melissa, Taha, Sabrina, and the editors. You spoil us!