Small talk is a test

Here’s why small talk can save you from betrayal or being abandoned:

Most would rather skip the boring stuff and be real, I get it. But this overlooks the #1 reason we need small talk: It's not just about the weather; it's how you tell if some will betray you or if they are trustworthy.

When you’re talking about boring things, watch to see if they can be normal, express empathy, pay attention, listen, and ask real questions. Think of it like you’re dipping your toes in the water. Small talk is all about finding something you have in common (even if it’s boring or obvious) and then getting more and more real with every passing moment.

If they:

- start daydreaming and stop looking at you
- ask the same question over and over (like they forgot)
- talk the whole time (and doesn’t realize your bored)
- doesn’t ask YOU questions…

They’re not trustworthy. If they act that way about the weather, it’s a good clue they will act that way about your breakup, your job, your family, or your depression. Screen cap and share this. People need to hear it.

#smalltalk #socialize #socializing #conversations #authenticconnections #friendships #relationships

[FoxofGold]

Small talk is definitely a stress test to see how socially aware a person is. Not an easy one but definitely a test

[smol-one]

...the concept of using small talk as a way to feel out red flags is the most honest thing I've heard in a while.

[NyGeL_Derey]

For a long time I felt that small talk is boring and pointless. Then I realized that it makes people feel comfortable. It's a spark to light a fire

[dk]

It’s also a good indicator of a problem when those who are supposed to be close to you can only converse using small talk. They’re unable to be more intimate.

[blueeyedbatman]

As someone with AuDHD i absolutely HATE small talk but will lay down my life for the people i care about. It makes making new friends so hard.

[CheekieCharlie]

As an autistic person, i failed at small talk consistently as a child and had to learn through rigorous research to master it

[spiralsausage]

Whenever I can, i try to steer into a less socially acceptable, more honest and more interesting convo.. it's risky. But i enjoy more interesting convos and don't mind losing the boring professional people who look at me strange when i actually answer "how are you" with an honest response

[zishere]

You mention the weather... "Well, it's a bit sunny today, I agree. It kind of makes me wonder why we're all on this earth. Like what makes human existence mean something you know? Isn't it all just made up, our purpose? Does any of it even matter?"

[jul]

I love this. Lots of people on dating apps could learn from this. I feel nowadays people expect deep conversations right away but don’t understand that you gotta earn that. My deepness costs me. I’m not gonna give it away for free unless I see there is potential

[fernandosalamanca]

As with any human behaviour, the function of small talk depends on how you frame it. It is valid to see it as a social test. It also can be used as a substitute action, to compensate a lack of familiarity or common interests. It can even be used as a coping mechanism, to push other, harder painful topics to the side, which you might not know how to approach (or not be in the right mental state to do so).

I would like to add one point that is often not mentioned, which is that small talk is also an acknowledgement of the other person. The core message being "I see you and even though I am not familiar with you, I value you enough to give you a sliver of my attention and time".

Even the tiniest effort often goes a long way to make the other person feel acknowledged. While it is valid to not be in a mental state in which you are able to partake in small talk (it happens to me more often than I would like), I think long term it does have effects on us if we do not somehow overcome this and start acknowleding each other despite how hard it can feel.

I think the reason small talk is often disliked is precisely this: that it tends to make one feel awkward and vulnerable, and that we might have other things to worry about. However, in my eyes, there is no crime in being awkward or vulnerable. This is a common experience for all of us, regardless of how hard or easy it is for us to integrate into society.

If we make room for awkwardness in our daily lifes, and allow each of us to express ourselves to the best of our abilities, I think we can set the foundations to see value and nuance in behaviours that we otherwise too easily dismiss, and maybe even bridge the gap between that which is considered typical and that which is considered non-typical or divergent (which both stem from the same experience of being just human).

[forevergloaming]

It’s frustrating because autistic people work completely differently but still have to follow the same games. Double empathy problem and all that.

[Andyboi_SK]

"American talk" as a lot of Asian call it. In Korea, there is not much small talk and is even sometimes considered rude to initiate talks about something so trivial like the weather or a sports game.

[carrym]

I start with deep concepts and then go silent. If they engage with the convo AND are comfortable in silence AND are fine with my inability to hold a conversation… then they pass my test.

[jennifervosler]

Nope. I’m an introvert and small talk is a waste of time. I am fine if it keeps most away.

[mystical]

small talk is too uncomfortable and awkward for me, so i prefer to skip it if i can

[raevalentine]

When you say It like that, It makes sense ... I also like that you dont thumbs down the socially Inept person, but the socially Inclined person that won't shutup, because people forget thats annoying too

[myflyingkidney]

Wow. I am so glad I live in a country (and continent for that matter) that has no small talk as part of the culture in this way. People are real and you talk about actual subjects. No small talk most of the time. And in countries like Finland or Sweden or generally nordics, small talk does not exist at all. Itbis wonderful. I would die if I had to talk about unimportant things wirh people.

[someundeadtalent]

As a neurodivergent person this just explained a lot. Thank you!

[nickcunningham]

You don't have to pass everyone's small talk test, though. I'd just like to point that out. Because I can be pretty socially awkward sometimes and bad at reading other people. But some people just weren't made to click with each other and that's fine. Find the people you _do_ click with like I have.

[baumesindtoll.]

Might be true in some cases. But honestly i think most of the time it's just that people can't stand the silence. Which is sad to me because i'd rather enjoy a peaceful moment in silence than having someone next to me constantly talk about insignificant stuff.