Estranged Children: What to Do While You Wait to Reconcile (Video #9) | Ep.46

Wondering what to do while you wait to reconcile with your estranged child?

Family estrangement is when one member intentionally decides to detach from others. Parting creates an emotional and or physical distance that is emotionally troublesome for all involved.

SHOW NOTES / RESOURCES:

○ Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick up the Pieces When You are Estranged:



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ABOUT THIS VIDEO:
In video #9 in my series on Estrangement, we further explore the topic of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN. You will learn 10 TIPS to help you cope while you wait to reconcile with your estranged child.

Estrangement and the state of disconnection from adult children cause enormous pain and chronic stress. While waiting patiently or impatiently for the day when you might reconcile with your adult child, informing yourself and doing self-care will give you both tools and approaches that help. Knowing what not to do and what to do will frame your strategy when dealing with estrangement. Most importantly, expand your focus to build your inner foundation. Be prepared for the likelihood of stressful situations.

Your emotional state may include feelings of abandonment, rejection, loss, and grief. Twenty-seven percent of the United States population of estranged individuals are at risk for chronic stress. Estrangement's ambiguous nature can cause insomnia, overwhelm, unfocused thinking, isolation, and accompanying physical symptoms of fatigue and malaise. Self-care, intentional actions meant to fill your reservoir of inner strength are effective means to address stress. Unfortunately, it is likely your adult child will decide when they will be ready to reconnect. You will benefit by using your waiting time to replenish your reservoir.

DISCLAIMER: You should assume that I have an affiliate relationship and/or another material connection to any suppliers of goods and services that may be discussed here, and may be compensated for showing ads or recommending products or services, or linking to the supplier's website.

[youtubemariemorinestrangement]

○ Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick up the Pieces When You are Estranged:

[stevenkeller]

This is so important and thank you. I've been on this journey of alienation for 6 months now. My son is 15 and use to have him half time as a co-parent. This pain has been unimaginable as you explain. Been trying to focus on self love to keep the horrible thoughts and emotions at bay to get through my waiting period. I want to share with all of you one thing that has helped me immensely, hour by hour. When I have feelings of fear and loss, and gravitate towards behavior that is in not healthy for me, I start to intensely focus on that love that is so strong in my heart I have for my son. This is the strongest and purest love we will ever know. I ask myself, "do I want my son to be thinking these thoughts? "Would I want my son to be leaning on unhealthy behaviors that lead to self abuse?" Tap into the love you have sown and turn this to yourself. This is like a battery that has unlimited power. This helps me all day long and strengthens my love for my son as well as myself. I believe learning self love is the most powerful tool we can use for healing. I hope you all try this, It has helped so much.

[Lola-Yo]

I’ve watched a lot of videos and feel this is definitely one of the most helpful and keeping things fairly simple. My adult daughter cut me off some time ago. I think I’ve done the right things so far. I realise things will never be the same again, I have worked on myself for about 18 months, to get to a stage of acceptance, including research and meditation. You can get a free app for guided meditations, if you’re interested in that type of thing, it can help with calming the things which trigger painful emotions. At the beginning of the estrangement, I cried all the time for about a year. I feel I’m healing now and I hope she is too.

[pixieheart]

I definitely contributed to the estrangement. I wrote a letter in which my daughter described it as "heart wrenching, page after page of selfless apologies." Yet I'm still estranged. No contact. I'm devastated and alone. I have no joy in anything I used to. I'm in therapy yet my grief never relents. I don't see an end to this misery.

[chelbanna]

You know, I was expecting to hate this video when I clicked on it- I have seen so many therapists offer parents of estranged adult children offer terrible advice and just say "keep pushing, keep getting your version of things out there no matter what", and I'm glad you don't take that route. I especially appreciate that you encourage reflection and are also gentle with the parents at the same time. I hope those that come to watch this video for advice really take it to heart. I wish my mother had done even a third of the things you speak of here.

[Sarah-iypr]

What a great video! I learned so much!! My brother is estranged. So this is really helping me

[mariankeller]

The strongest and purest love you will ever know is the love of God..

[lisac]

What is going on with the younger generations? My parents, grandparents and my generations grew up in families were you were not allowed to play the victim to any where near the cut off estrangement stage. We had to feel it, bear it and get over it. It's as if there is something that we are not aware of that has happened to them.

[jdhutchinson]

Consider that there may be things that you did that have never been mentioned: sexual abuse, violence, extreme neglect, and ongoing verbal abuse. You might have pretended that it never happened for so long that you thought you were in the clear. Likely, the child never forgot.
Also, if the child has gone entirely dark, no Facebook, new phone number, in contact with no one, changed address... Do not reach out.

[DJ-hnyh]

I HAVE A QUESTION ? What to do when the adult child has blocked you in every way possible . I do not have the option of reaching out with a short message of stating I’m available and am willing to hear her.

[mccoolth]

There's no reconciliation till she decides I am no longer a health risk to her and children.

I have send them off with a blessing.

[neomifeldman]

I love to hear your list of boundaries. My son married a narcissist.

[cilstel]

Thank you for this video. I've been in this situation for 3 years. Each time I have reached out I get a nasty reply or email. I want to be done but as a mom I'm not ready to give up. What to do??? I was ready to not contact again but hearing this video I'm having second thoughts. If I get knocked down again so be it, I've built up a pile of resistance I will get through. Thank you. 😊

[janeababe]

I’ve just found your channel and I’m really grateful for you and I resonate with everything you are saying and suggesting. Thank you 🙏
It’s been 4 yrs with one daughter because of her partner. We were super close. It nearly killed me. Plus she has 4 children who I miss more than life itself. For 2.5 yrs, I was suicidal every day.

And just a couple of months ago, my youngest child has now cut me off. She has bipolar2 and personality disorder which I feel was exacerbated by her pregnancy, so I have been walking on egg shells around her for 5 yrs now. One moment she loved me, the next minute, I ruined her life 🤷‍♀️…. And recalling events that just didn’t happen, like she has false memories. I’m not apologising for stuff that just didn’t happen.
Tbh, I’m not really missing this daughter as much as I probably should be, such a terrible admission, I know, Dreadful, but what I am achieving from our estrangement is complete peace. I lost all the stress that came with her. Yes, I miss her child, my grandson, but I keep in touch with his father, so not a complete loss. I’m not sure I am ready to reconnect with her. And I don’t really feel bad for saying it. I have a faith in God and I pray for all my children to be safe on their journey. I have a box filled with Xmas cards and b’day cards for my grandchildren, when and if I ever meet them again. 🙏
I can only hope they never have to go through this.
Thank you for your informative and instructional videos. God bless 🙏♥️

[hortenciagrabner]

You all talk about your stranded child, but what about when the parent cut ties with their children?

[laurielewis]

The last time I tried to contact was 15 months ago. My girls are now 16 and 18. Their father had me arrested for trespassing, even though I had no choice but to go over there to deliver their gifts so he wouldn't take them! I was pretty sure he had been blocking my calls and intercepting my mail.
I honestly believe this is classic parental estrangement. I don't know what to do? Those girls were the center of my life. I just work and pay an obscene amount of child support for kids that don't even want me?
So confused and utterly broken.

[zahraabdullahi]

We've had to go No Contact with my mom a year ago. My sister was going through postpartum depression, and my mom was voluntarily/involuntarily pushing her to hurt herself. I went no contact and took in jy little sister and nephew to protect them.

I miss my mom. I miss her every single day. I dream of her a lot. When I think about what she is going through, the guilt rips me to shreds.

I like to think that the mom part of my mom would say I did the right thing to protect them. That she may even be proud of me.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Your children likely miss you and love you a great deal. You are our mom and are out first best friend. We love you and wish it were different.

If you can listen and address their concerns, please try. They love you.

[pcv]

Awesome advice. Greetings from Germany.

[Lola-Yo]

I like the way you discuss how often to contact them, this can be very confusing. My last contact was ignored, but I expected it to be, so I think I’ll send another contact, after around 7 months.

[laurajane]

I have been an estranged daughter since I was a teenager (45 years ago). I'll spare you the details, but basically the adults in my life were acting crazy. I had to be the one to finally begin a relationship with my mom and we've kept an email relationship for about 15 years. However, I am always left out and never invited to anything while my siblings have plane tickets purchased for them. It's painful living on the outside. They financial support my loser siblings but ignore the fact that I lost my job last year at 62 and since, "are you ok" isn't a question that I ever get from anyone, nobody knows I'm homeless with two children in my custody. They all slander me relentlessly but never reach out to assist or acknowledge the children. I feel heartbroken and alone. What should I do?