Everything Wrong With Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore is the third movie in one of the least entertaining film series of all time. So, fine... we counted its sins.

Next week: Action sins of the '90s & action sins of the aughts.

Remember, no movie is without sin. Which movie's sins should we count next?

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[westaylor]

The Qilin really should have bowed before Jakob. It would thrown some real doubt behind Grindlewald's plan if a Muggle is shown to be of pure heart. It also would have. made Dumbledore bringing Jakob into the group make so much more sense.

[motherplayer]

The greatest magic trick these films have pulled off is making me crave seeing a story about an awkward wizard going off on journeys to properly catalog various magical beast instead of seeing wizard hitler's rise to power and dumbledores relationship issues.

[PretenderCS]

Can you imagine a scene, where the Qilin bowes down in front of Kowalski and show the wizards that even the humans may be pure of heart? He would´ve refused like Dumbledore of course, but the emotional impact could´ve worked well, especially with this actor and how sympathetic Kowalski is.

[michelerusso]

I love how the movie ends with Dumbledore walking away because it wants to show us that he's alone and has no real connections, but the implication is just that they didn't invite him to the wedding

[MinorCirrus]

Surprised there isn't a sin about the line Dumbledore says in the last scene, "It wouldn't have worked without you Newt", when it is abundantly clear that he could have been replaced by a sock puppet and the plan would have worked the same.

[hardyable]

One of the most infuriating things about the movies is the constant stream crossing.. This was a special moment in the fourth book. Something that only the twin wands did when forced to fight against each other. But now it's this generic thing that happens all the time and it's so uninspired. How about a fight like the one in the fifth movie between Dumbledore and Voldemort?

[joelmole]

This franchise really should have focused on Newt, Tina and Jacob getting sent around the world by Dumbledore, finding endangered beasts and getting into standalone adventures. Instead we get this nonsense.

[nanalove]

The three biggest things for me :
Calling this The Secrets of Dumbledore and telling us nothing that we didn't already know or guess from the books. (except from Credence but second point is just below)
Making Credence Alberforth's son : from the little information we get from him, I always imagine Alberforth as a guy who truly cares for his family, and that's why he hated his brother so much from what happen with Ariana. I just can't picture the guy abandoning his child. The only good point is that we didn't focus on that a lot because that was a very stupid idea anyway to make Credence a Dumbledore. Just because it is a prequel doesn't mean that you have to create stupid connections !
Making the Qilin kneels before Dumbledore. Have it kneeling before Newt, or Jacob, but Dumbledore ? The whole point of his character development in book 7 was to say "he looked like the perfect stereotype of the old, noble and wise wizard, but he is actually a b*stard and is a very grey character" (I won't call him black, he has good side, but come on). If you want to expand your univers, *don't destroy it*.

[Ryanwizardstaff]

My biggest gripe with this movie is how they treat Jacob who in my opinion has been the most relatable and interesting character in the series thus far. Throughout this movie, they drop little hints about his character and how he conducts himself as opposed to Grindlewald. And even for the final act of the movie, DumbleDweeb takes Jacob aside as part of the whole fakeout subplot near the end of the movie. They really make you believe that possibly the Qilin(the fawn-looking creature) is going to bow in front of Jacob as he is worthy to lead. I'm not saying that he would given he's a muggle but still, that would have been intelligent writing as that would have challenged Grindlewald's entire philosophy and his outlook on muggles in general. But no... Of course, it had to bow to DumbleDweeb instead. Of course, we can't expect anything close to remotely creative from this franchise let alone this studio at this point... What a farse :/

[JohnEusebioToronto]

Harry Potter LOVES to resolve the plot with stuff the protagonist had no control over.

How does Harry beat Voldemort? By challenging his ideology? By uniting the various magical races and muggles together? By uniting with his friends and forming a strategy? With raw talent? No. None of those things. Harry wins because of an unknown detail of Elder Wand's ownership mechanics. That's it. He was technically the owner of the wand so Voldemort's spell backfired.

It's no different than him defeating Voldemort because of a charm his mother accidentally put on him as a baby. He had no agency.

And now the story is resolved because the magical deer had twins. Another accident.

[zachrobledo]

The craziest thing about this story is the whole “if we don’t know what we’re doing then Grindelwald won’t either” because THATS NOT HOW TELLING THE FUTURE WORKS. Like was the only one confused by that? If it was mind reading, sure. Not knowing the plan definitely would help if your mind was being read. But Grindelwald is a SEER not a legilimens. He is telling the future. So it doesn’t matter if the squad knows or doesn’t know the plan because the events of the future are already laid out. We’ve been shown a few times in Harry Potter that the past and future are determined. And even if you go back in time you’re just completing the loop that was always there. So time is definitive meaning the future is definitive. So that means there should’ve been no confusion for Grindelwald and only the squad would’ve been confused and at a complete disadvantage. Movie sucked so bad.

[alexanderh]

Remember how in the first movie, newt could flick a switch and the contents of his suitcase became normal?? Well then WHY ON EARTH wouldn't they do exactly that when trying to get replicas of the suitcase..

[alesonu]

This story seemed to be missing so much. I wanted to see more of what Yusuf was doing, I wanted the revelation of Credence as Aberforth's son to be shown not casually mentioned in a conversation, I wanted to see, at least in some parts, Newt's brother remembering or mourning Leta (it would have been enough if they just showed him looking at her picture with teary eyes), I would have loved to see the development of both Newt & Theseus and Albus & Aberforth's relationship and would have found it better if they showed that Tina and Newt are still in contact somehow. The plot was very scattered and left a lot to be desired!

[TheGowshikan]

The qilin should legitly bowed down to Newt ! The guy literally live for voiceless creatures and also saved the qilin as well ! The movie and the series would have made a lot of sense if it was Newt ! BUT NO! They had to sideline Newt and Praise Dumbledore dont they? That scene should have really uplifted the movie ! Instead it just falls flat as Dumbledore doesnt really did any noble dumbledore things till then in the movie !!!

[comingviking]

The worst thing wrong with this movie was that it bored me to tears with its poorly written script and insanely stupid story. I had enough after about 20 minutes. And I have seen ALL of the Harry Potter movies, and actuall thought having the flu a few years back was a GREAT opportunity to watch All the Lord of the Rings Extended Versions back to back. Had to get off the couch to change discs every once in a while, but it was worth the effort.
This movie, though? Not a chance.

[NthDoctorWho]

"How many character plotlines can we cram into one movie?"
"Yes."
"How many are actually going to matter?"
"No."

[sydneythomas]

The fact that you didn't add a sin to the fact that Albus Dumbledore is apparently "pure of heart"... which he's absolutely NOT

[sylvirgiomanach]

Awful as it was that they recast Johnny... I think Mads is a more believable love interest with Jude. Like. As much as I do like him as an actor, I just don't see Johnny being able to nail that scene toward the end the way Mads did. The different actors really fit the different needs of Grindelwald's character, just the reason for the change is trash. It should have been the plan all along.

[huggablecat]

Another big sin is that they attached this to fantastic beasts and didn’t have a separate dumbledore series.

[MrChaoticreign]

The moment where Newt's case was disintegrated was so anti-climatic and blah that the ending to me didn't matter anymore. Yeah Newt's an awkward wizard, yeah he's opposed to violence, But his actions only make sense in the context that, "Aha! This case was never real!" Because if any regular pet owner watched someone kill their animal in front of them and smile I can guarantee that person would be turned into a stain on the ground. Now add in magical powers and Newt, who we've seen first hand is obscenely powerful, and that entire building and some of the mountain should be gone. I was waiting for Newt to go full off kilter and start laying into people but Nah he's just mildly uncomfy