Why Chasing Self-Esteem Fails Every Time

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#JordanPeterson #JordanBPeterson #DrJordanPeterson #DrJordanBPeterson #DailyWirePlus

[mrnaizguy]

Can confirm this. For years I tried to better my self-esteem and confidence by trying to improve it with auto suggestions, changing my mindsets and whatnot. Didn't work. They only improved by forming close, loving relationships and being completely vulnerable with those people. Also by becoming competent in my fields of interest and serving people with that. It really works.

[jeremyschissler]

if meaning is the antidote to suffering then courage is the antidote to self esteem

[gypsyfiresign]

I have a one whole week long visit from my MIL & have been so anxious bc of being an introvert but I’m a true Southern hostess & when Dr. Peterson said that social anxiety could be tempered by making someone feel comfortable, I had an a-ha moment! I can do that, I’m typically great at that. Thank you again Dr. Peterson, for always lending valuable insight & advice for those of us suffering from anxiety! God Bless!

[kencb]

What I've been saying to my friends, family, and students for a long time is that self-esteem is a non-factor. It doesn't help with anything at all. When you're simply focused on what you need to do and forget about something as petty as being the best, not looking bad in front of others, or getting things right the first time, self-esteem doesn't even come into play. It's just noise that has no positive upsides. One could say it gives you confidence; I say it doesn't. Confidence is something you exude. It's something others perceive from your behavior. If you are simply fair and objective with yourself (i.e., not putting yourself on a pedestal but not putting yourself down either), and focus on whatever it is you need to do, you'll naturally conduct yourself in a manner that many would find to be exuding confidence because you understand the task at hand. If it turns out to be wrong, simply be fair, accept it, correct it, and continue on; that is part of confident behavior.

So in this video, when the focus shifts from "how do I look to others" to a goal (i.e., how do I help others), the importance of self-esteem fades away, as it should.

[navigatorofthevalley]

This is how we train our staff in hospitality to build confidence and make our guests feel happy.

Ultimately love of others is the cure to depression and sadness.

[eliprenten]

Always had trouble with talking to people I didn't know well. Then I got a job offer to be a teacher and I took it. I can't say my self esteem is high but doing all the teaching work and having to help the students develop on multiple levels really made me grow so much

[everything...interesting]

Self-esteem comes from a completely different realm of value than anything that can be caught by "chasing."

Self-esteem comes from the intrinsic value realm. "The chase" is part of the extrinsic value realm.

To look for the intrinsic in the extrinsic is like looking for your keys in the wrong house.

You're not gonna find it there.

[Agaricomycetes]

Very interesting Dr.Peterson points out that hospitality can be a good cure for low self esteem. I often reflect on times I’ve felt my lowest and realize what gets me out of the slump is helping people, which works perfectly as one of my part time jobs is in the service industry. I usually use that fact as support of me being a “good” person, as negative thoughts can veer me into self loathing territory. But the explanation is stated very clear here

[richardmarknagy]

The quality of your life is defined by the quality of your thoughts and relationships.

[nwsanagnwsths]

If you wanna like yourself focus on relationships thats gonna work!! Exactly right!

[AaronMcCloud_Me]

"The best path to emotional self-regulation is service to other people."

I find this interesting because that's the exact opposite of Cluster B personality disorders (Borderline, Narcissm) which are notable for their simultaneous (a) emotional disregulation and (b) feeling of depression/self-hate/etc.

I think as long as the service to other people isn't co-dependency or an unhealthy regard for others, this can work.

[ab-gail]

This is so helpful to remember! And I can confirm this works through Volunteering, work, etc.

[unknown]

Lowest self esteem ever, perfect timing

[lynnedwards]

🇦🇺🦘🦘As a kid I was conscious of my painful shyness and decided to practise just this suggestion because I realised I can't be alone. It worked like a charm🤗.

[randywise]

A humble man is wise enough to not make a fool of himself. The fool seeks esteem and praise only to fall on his face.

[karencampbell]

I knew this instinctively at the time of the self esteem movement when I was working in education. I always thought it was about self worth.

[shellygrace]

So basically kids need to be needed (relationships and challenges show them that), which is a function of action, rather than shown that they are static objects to be idolized by themselves and others

[atmywhitson]

Oooh, the part about self esteem/ the narcissism epidemic. 2:54 and on.

Absolutely is chef's kiss! 😚👌

Your mind is brilliant, Mr. Peterson

[VitoCorleone]

# Which is why chasing self esteem and self confidence and all this just reenforces the fact that we lack it.. That's Why focusing on something other than your own self and beyond your own self makes you feel more adequate and complete when you are hospitabilty and giving, to the world .

[alenaadamkova]

Some psychologist said parents also do mistake with a constant commands.
When a child comes to the parent and says, the class for example math sucks
or some sport sucks
the parent says immediatelly "but you have to exercise little bit etc" giving the commands.
He says this technique of parenting is wrong, because the children don´t feel heard, they don´t fell like they may trust the parent.
or also of parent is not exercissing but expects the child to exercise.
The parent should say "really?...and why is that?....how was your day, what happened?..ask the child the questions, not immediatelly judge their comments.
This way you actually learn a lot about your child, they start to trust you and they will ask you for advice much more.
they feel much more accepted and they eventually change the opinion etc.

It seems its good technique for every relationship, not just parenting but for other relationships