What Your Eyes Tell You About Trauma

What are some of the physical signs of complex trauma, specifically in the eyes?

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DISCLAIMER:

Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist; he is a counsellor in Canada and has worked with people with Complex Trauma and Addiction for decades. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.

[TimFletcher]

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[erinm]

Years ago a stranger in a bar told me I have beautiful but sad eyes. Ever since then I knew my pain was more noticeable to others than I thought.

[CorePathway]

I don’t even look in a mirror. I shave in the shower, telling myself I’m already wet and soapy. I keep a wash-and-go haircut. Eye contact is something I avoid, even with myself.

[frr]

I used to know this guy with a troubled past (his father had mental issues) and now that i know i always noticed he had that look in his eyes of a man that never knew safety i hope you're doing better my friend.

[Jazz]

Cut ties, move away….and become the person YOU need….that’s what I did. Honestly, I have never regretted it. Built a life for myself, that I love.

[HorrorHermitofHell]

I developed a tendency to look at people's eyes when they are smiling. You can smile the widest grin ever, but your eyes will give it away if you are in pain or unhappy.

[TowerJunkie]

Being zoned out can be dissociation. I remember people needing to get me to focus… and it’s not until I was 46 that I realized I have Dissociative identity disorder. My brain managed to keep my abuse compartmentalized. Truly fascinating when you think about it.

[victoryamartin]

I didn't hear you mention avoiding eye contact out of shame. I used to be afraid people would see my defectiveness and judge me as being bad if I made eye contact.

[cindymccafferty]

I can never look people in the eye when talking with them. I’ve had some people accused me of lying because I wouldn’t make eye contact. The one time I talked back to my father, he backhanded me across the face. Anytime I made eye contact with him, he accused me of “plotting against him.” “I know you’re plotting against me, what are you plotting.” Whack! You learn to never make eye contact even in adult life. I’ve learned to become invisible and not make waves. We went to far as to hide to keep from being beaten when we were kids. Most of my childhood was spent trying to keep my little brothers from harm by hiding them. I freeze up and fear when anyone criticizes me, like it’s a pending attack. But this is another reason we don’t make eye contact: to become invisible to our abusers and because it’s a learned behavior that we just can’t stop, even though logically we know the danger is past.

[bbilgers]

It's heartbreaking to look at old pictures of myself from my abusive childhood and abusive marriage. My eyes are completely different now. My posture is different. Everything about me is different. People can heal from a lifetime of all forms of abuse.

[TCOOKIES]

I'm near sighted and some days are too exhausting that I take off my glasses so I don't have to pay attention to anything. The world is blurry and I can just dissociate from it all.

[lifeisbannanas]

This makes sense because whenever people look at me, I feel they can see my trauma and I've always wondered why. I usually avoid eye contact.

[Jil]

We can also find falsehood in the eyes of others and be scared that they will know that we saw it

[Veronica-witb]

Had to have my photos taken for a new passport the other day - and was shocked how much trauma still was in my eyes...

[katherinel]

I’m in my 50’s now. I always had very dilated pupils to the point that a high school teacher half joked that I must be using drugs. I think it was a dysregulated nervous system, hypervigilance, and constant fear.

[Ursaminor]

They told me in kindergarten when the child psychologist started pulling me out of class, that I was the problem, inability to concentrate, inward self harm, too sensitive. I was totally traumatized and shutting down. It was the home not me, but they out it all on me. I can barely make eye contact in conflict situations. Getting better. When I’m centered I can do anything. The mother had the scary eyes and would turn in an instant, never knew what was going to happen. I’m hyper vigilant but know I’m safe now, but don’t trust most people. Doesn’t mean I can’t interact but I let few close, because I feel them a mile away and often known it to connect. However, I can be very open and accepting when I know I won’t be taken advantage of.

[thirstonhowellthebird]

I wear sunglasses every time I leave the house and go into public. I lie and say it’s because my eyes are light sensitive which is absolutely true but the real reason is I can’t look anyone in the eye because my body goes into panic mode because I’m afraid I’ll be hit or get the shit beat out of me that’s what my body tells me. It tells me that it’s dangerous to look anyone in the eyes. 😢

[Radiantly_Resilient_Ry]

I teach high school and one of my students wasn’t doing well one day and I was talking to her. She was telling me she was depressed and her mom gets mad at her when she brings it up. I was telling her she could talk to me if she felt comfortable and I understood because I have MDD. She said she kind of knew I had depression, she said she could tell there were days that I was sad and didn’t want to be at work. That made me feel awful- I thought I hid it better 💔.

[THE-TITAN-HOLOGRAM]

I identify as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I have never had the luxury of being able to look away because of my level of awareness growing up. I've experienced trauma multiple times and it's ongoing. I use eye contact as a way to show that I'm aware of a potential coming perpetrator because negative people tend to think they can get away with being aggressive towards people when we are not looking them in the eyes.

[andrewrees]

My mum often said to me, you dont look well today ! I can tell by your eyes 😢
I suffered with anxiety and other mental health issues, all my life .