Narcissistic Lies or Different Version of Reality?

Narcissism is characterised by delusions of grandeur, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, being disagreeable and highly resistant to criticism. Narcissism is also part of what's referred to as 'The Dark Personality', which also consists of Machiavellianism, sadism and psychopathy.

This video looks at the inner world of narcissistic people and discusses the motivations behind and characteristics of the lies they tell to protect a fragile sense of self.

Other videos you might find interesting:
The Dark Personality
The Dark Empath
The Dark Triad
Personality types of Internet Trolls

This video is for information purposes only and not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.

Please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future videos.

If you find this video interesting please consider supporting me on Patreon or Substack

#narcissism #narcissistic #narcissisticlies

[aaronwalderslade]

"To the narcissist, these are not lies as such. To the narcissist, it's the version that _should_ be true."

[danieljohnson]

"Early to bed, late to rise
Be toxic as Hell and tell more *lies* "
- the narcissist's ode .

[izawaniek]

A lie repeated a thousand times does not become the truth. Thank you Darren.

[zeddeka]

"For the narcissist, reality is an aggression"

[amberfuchs]

"They let people know *about* them, not necessarily get to *know* them." Yes!

[AthenaVelecta]

My narc mother liked to talk as if things were the way she wished they were instead of the way things actually were.

[redpoppy]

All these lies show what utter contempt they have for us.

[arthurh]

Thank you for this piece. 30 years ago I married a woman and had 3 children. Shortly after the third child, she “discovered” that she had Asperger’s Syndrome. She abandoned the family because she was being “abused.” In 20 years of therapy for me and for the children, no one ever mentioned that she could be a narcissist and no one laid out the behavior patterns as well as you have. This woman fits your behavior patterns perfectly.

[CaptainPhilosophical]

I have recorded conversations because of the lies. Then when Narcissa found out about that she claimed to be a victim of me.

[notaclue]

I like that last point. The truth is actually irrelevant.

[qvnwdqf]

Spot on. For the narcisist a lie is not a lie but a version that should be true. 😂 thank you 🙏 Darren.

[petet]

They also gain kudos in the moment by making promises about good deeds then never follow through. All they wanted was the admiration of others. It was just lies.

[juliebarks]

The worst lying narcissist is the religious one.

[ghostagee]

"Innocent bystanders in their own.lives". What a line!🙏

[kathleenbristol]

My husband once said to me all you have to do is lye big, than they'll believe you! That was a clue, that he's a big lier.and he thinks I can't figure him out, what a narc.

[Hawaiiansky]

They often treat the truth like 'seasoning.' In other words, they tell a lie, but pepper enough truth into them, that makes them seem plausible. An example from my past: a man I loved, years ago, moved away, but had been keeping in touch with me. I was too young at the time to move out (still in h.s.), so had to live with a long-distance relationship.
My n-mother (plus, his n-father) told me that he was "shacked up with an older woman who had a couple of kids." I learned later that he actually was living with his aunt on his father's side, who, lo and behold! Had a couple of kids - his cousins!! All for the sake of painting him as a bad person. Narcs are evil to the core.

[happycat]

The reason why the narcissist lies is there is a subconscious balance (mechanism) that controls both the narcissist's ego and shame. As the narcissist's ego gets bigger and bigger over time their tolerance to shame works in reverse and becomes lower and lower. Like I have alluded to before narcissists who lie at the extreme end of narcissism exhibit both highly profound egos and highly profound low tolerance levels to shame.

In normal individuals the ego and shame appear to work together on a subconscious level to prevent one another from getting out of control.

This is why the narcissists (in their mind) have to be always right and the other person has to be always wrong. In those who exhibit extreme narcissism (which includes malignant narcissists) the narcissist's ego has become so inflated that creating a false reality is far better than accepting reality as accepting reality the narcissist must confront their profoundly low tolerance levels (inner fear) to accept shame.

This also explains why narcissists at this level, when caught in a lie, will do and say literally anything to prevent from being shamed in any way. As well, since image is everything to the narcissist, the narcissist must get revenge (vindictive) at all costs as revenge (harming / hurting the other person) temporarily boosts their narcissist's ego to make the narcissist's ego feel better. Likewise, as the narcissist's ego gets its needed boost then ironically so does the narcissist's alter-ego counterpart > "shame, " which gets its needed boost as well (or in this case the "shame" begins to relax again and feel better about itself).

The creation of a false reality is necessary in a narcissist as image is not only everything but the narcissist has to elude that they are also the image of perfection. Anything or anyone that tarnishes the narcissist's otherwise false reality / image "must" be punished at all costs.

This is why those who recognize the individual may be an extreme or malignant narcissist should avoid the narcissist at all costs as the narcissist at this level does not even deal with reality any longer due to their profound egos and profoundly low tolerance to shame and the ego/shame inability to regulate one another on the subconscious level is no longer functioning normally.

Narcissists at this level will literally do whatever it takes to destroy the other person's life once they have been shamed (be the narcissist's shame real or imaginary).

Nothing else matters at this point as when the narcissist's ego has been perceived harmed / threatened their extremely low tolerance to shame kicks in to seek punishment in the opposing individual (to boost the narcissist's highly profound ego).

It's just a theory, but the theory appears to work and explains very succinctly why and how narcissists think and operate according to the behaviours narcissist(s) exhibit.

A narcissist's version of reality (everything) has to be always always "right" as to accept anything less is to admit they are wrong and to admit they are wrong inevitably evokes their profound inability to cope with their (profound out of balance inner fear) shame.

[llkellenba]

Yes the lies are piling up and I DO remember them. All of them. It’s now a mountain.

[lizstewart]

I'm not sure they have ever been able to delineate truth from fantasy. If it was a ven diagram it would be 2 circles almost completely overlapping. What is important to them is what will be believed and what they can get away with. This is after all what a toddler does.

[pollypineapple]

I have a work colleague with a disabled child. But nobody can talk about their struggles because try being her! 😐 if u say u haven’t slept in a week, she hasn’t slept in 13 years. If u say you’re tired she will rant about why she’s more tired. If u say you sat in A&E for 8 hours well she sat for 14. It’s got to the point where people in my work don’t even talk openly about their kids anymore which is sad. I also recently discovered some ppl in my work r going through some difficult times; one colleague is on antidepressants, one her dad died, and another is going through money issues. But people have stopped talking about their problems because of her. She’s toxic to the core