Fear and Gay Shame: Coming Out, Accepting Your Sexuality & Living Authentically | E6

This week's episode is all about coming out. Dealing with gay shame, how and when you should come out and how allies should behave around someone they suspect might be gay.

#ComingOut #Gay #Podcast

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[beaukat]

I remember an incident when I was at work before I came out a guy asked me in front of other people if I was gay my response
“ why do you ask… Are you still looking for a date for Friday night?”…… it was wonderful how red his face turned.

[richardblackwell]

I think that Keegan is totally correct in taking control of coming out. I didn’t come out till a couple of years ago at the age of 62 and now feel totally happy in my life. I took the view that despite many years in the closet I was now in the Autumn of my life and wanted to feel free of the burden and just be myself. I have had mixed views from friends and family but it’s their issue if they now don’t like me just because of my sexual preference as I’m still me. I now live with my boyfriend who is 20 years younger then me but age to me is just a number as inside I don’t feel more then 30. The relationship just happened and came as a surprise I think to both of us. I am unsure as to why people feel they have to act in a certain way if they are gay, you have numerous different types of people in the heterosexual world so and no one feels the need to act like other people so why is it a gay think. Growing up in the 70s the only examples we saw were the very feminine types on TV or around the town and I knew I wasn’t like that and was frightened of what people would think of me. It was also more difficult to find like minded people or even magazines showing men etc. I was lucky that I travelled a lot for my job so went to saunas or cruising areas to fulfil my needs without people knowing what I was doing which I found helped as I found that not every gay was overly feminine.
Keep up the good work 👍

[sarahtaylor]

I am straight, and I love all your social media. What you are doing is essential and gives others hope and courage. Well done, Keegan and Joel ❤❤❤❤❤
Keep it up🙏🙏

[S.SilverStudio]

I’m 46 and just accepting and learning to love that I am bisexual and queer. I beat myself up for years (decades 😭) with alcohol and drugs not understanding why or thinking that my only issue was addictions. I’m finally finding my happy. Not perfect yet, no one is, but much closer. I know now I can be queer and masculine. I can also love and not run from my feminine side. I told my therapist a couple weeks ago, I am a man who enjoys football and flowers so what lol. So happy I found this channel 🩷💜

[veronicaweng]

This really helped me as a big sister of a younger sibling who is not out yet. I accidentally found out recently and felt that it was best for him to let me in on his own terms so I did not want to confront him about it. I feel that he is in a similar mindset that you guys were when going through your coming out journey and might have a similar mindset as yall about sexuality. I wish he knew about your podcast you guys are truly so inspirational. ❤

[wmercer]

I have been out for a very long time...I have an amazing husband and great support from my children and parents. But I still am insecure at the barber and the auto service shop...and I still edit myself when I travel. What you both shared in this podcast made me feel a little less guilty about that...thank you, this was really nicely handled. And much appreciated by this 53-year-old gay man!!!

[albertmaneri]

"Whether you are gay, straight, or neither, you are welcome here!" Those words are part of my church's welcome every Sunday. I would encourage anyone who is looking for a sense of community to find a Unitarian Universalist congregation near them and attend a service. Many still offer hybrid services (virtual and in person) so you could attend virtually and get a sense of the congregation to see if it's something you would be interested in pursuing. I say all this as someone who's had many issues with faith organizations and never even imagined joining one.

[bishbosh]

Also, it'd be great if you could talk about bisexuality and the role you think it plays in homosexual dating and broader experience

[showtimeap]

I really like the idea of reframing coming out as a thing where you are inviting people in. You are sharing a part of you rather than looking to be accepted by other people. I've come out to some people and to others I just don't feel like inviting them into my life more. I used to think that I was falling to internal homophobia for that feeling, but now I can recognize it as not needing everyone's acceptance. It's a privilege to be part of someone's life, not a right. Love the pod, just discovered your both from YouTube recommending it to me (algorithms always know us best lol). Love from Ohio, USA!

[thatgirlinokc]

Being an ally to someone who is considering coming out is important. Everyone needs to know they are not alone no matter what. Great episode ❤

[Zane_Rhoades]

Best episode yet Boys! Aside from a couple of our jobs over the years, "Hubby" and I are VERY lucky to have lived openly for our 31 years together here in Birmingham, Alabama. Now that we're both retired, life is SO much easier for us to be out and open. However, we recognize that many don't have the opportunities we've had. Thanks for reminding us that we all have to deal with life as we see fit. Everyone is different. As long as we're not hurting anyone, no one should be judged for how we try to survive and thrive.

[HomeIsWithMe]

Best ep yet. Keegan’s articulation, tho. ::Reframe Coming Out:: ❤ Letting people in ❤ Joel’s sharing too.

[admiralpicard]

Coming out is not just a one time event too. You are constantly coming out throughout your life. You meet new people for example or you start a new job. Like Joel said about the man in the Post office, in lots of ways you are coming out to people all the time. Best wishes guys 🌈

[John-uur]

Joel, your are gorgeous. I just found your channel. Love it. I'm in a small rural area in South Dakota. It was very hard to come out. I finally did at 27. But I only came out to friends. Not my mom & dad. I'm an only child and I feel like I let my dad down. I grew up in the church and was told im headed to hell just for being me! I thought I would take this to my grave. I remember in kindergarten writing a suicide note to my mum and dad and I ended the letter with I'm not gay. Thats how much it was drilled into my head at such a young age to not be gay.
I'm so glad I found your channel.
I stopped at your channel because honestly your looks stopped me at your channel. I'm really gobsmacked at how beautiful you are. But on a serious note, I really appreciate your channel. Looking forward to watching the rest of your videos. 🎉❤

[thomascarneal]

Great job guys. I really enjoy your so proud of your story when you came out... You opened the door for other athletes. . I admire both of

[mjmage]

I've been in the process of coming out to various people for over a decade (almost 2) to where it is practically my default to come out to anyone I meet, but even so I'm finding out new things all the time. For instance, I really found your reframing of "not putting yourself out there vulnerable to people's approval but inviting them in to get to know you better" as really helpful, so thank you!

[markstephens]

As an old Homo who has been homoing for many years, I think you two are good role models for young gays finding themselves and coming to terms with being themselves. Keep it up guys. 70 year old homo in France.

[jtrevm]

Joel; great to hear you on your Christian life.

I came to faith in 1983. In my neck of the C of E woods, you got yourself healed of homosexuality. People were gracious (mmm) enough to understand this took time - or perhaps you were never going to be 'free'. Whatever, at best you were going to be second division. And that lead to my marriage (!) and subsequent outright disaster.

The church concerned distanced itself from me. Chucked me out in effect. When you are on your own, you seek truth and love .
Eventually l got the only 'healing' that matters. Being gay lead me to God for real.

The Church and it's mess had to be revealed for what it was. Then through the clutter and my own hatred to others - gradually I became who I am in God. For all time. Gay and God in one package.
I am proud of that road to reality. And now I live. I guess that's another form of coming out.

Keep at it guys.

[brentdillahunty]

“Jogan” I’m a 70 proud but not loud gay man living my life in Tulsa, OK and wish y’all were close, just, so I could give the two of you a HUGE Okie hug for the great care and involvement y’all are doing for the community, globally! KUDOS❣️👍🏼🤙🏼 Joel, I so identify with your struggle with the church, for I, too, did the same. However, mine was a tad different being in the “tongue” of the bible-belt & in raised in christian fundaMENTALism. I did 25 years of psychotherapy to help.

[simondevlinbell]

'Big man, small Bladder' - there's a podcast if ever I heard one! In all seriousness, what you're doing in this podcast is so valuable and important, I can't even. As one of those older gays who's been out for years, I'm getting so much validation from your conversations and can't thank you enough for championing individuality, personal accountability and just giving yourself a break! Please keep doing what you're doing in the knowledge that you're making a difference - how many people can say that?