How to Find Real Joy in the Happiness of Others (And How It Will Change Your Life!) - Terri Cole

When something bad happens to someone you dislike, do you feel a little glee inside? Maybe a lot of glee?

Or do you cheer when the villain in a movie or TV show gets what’s coming to them?

There is a German word for the feeling of joy we get from the suffering or misfortune of others: schadenfreude.

The other day, I wondered: is there is an opposite of schadenfreude? There is, and it’s called freudenfreude. This is when you find joy in the success and happiness of others. (It’s an English word created from a German word, where “freuden” means “joy.”)

Today’s episode is all about why we experience schadenfreude, the high cost of schadenfreude, how to find real joy in the happiness of others (freudenfreude) and why it’s good for us to do this.

TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction
2:27 - Schadenfreude: when you get joy from people's misery & flipping the script
4:52 - Why schadenfreude is so common
6:47 - Key questions to ask yourself about how you feel when others experience success
7:31 - The cost of reveling in other people's pain
9:22 - Tips on how to start cultivating joy from other people's happiness (Freudenfreude)

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ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.

For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.

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RESOURCES:

I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.

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[terri_cole]

What do you think about the concept of freudenfreude, or finding joy in other people's good fortune? ✨Are you more prone to schadenfreude? Do you express gratitude to others when they contribute to your success? Tell me all the things in the comments! 👇

[slimjadeyyy]

Rising tides lift all boats. Love that one!!

[birdie]

I love supporting people, rooting for them. I wish my immediate family was the same way; they seem to focus on the negative all the time, and what they lack in comparison to others rather than being grateful for what they have. I try to flip the script when I'm with them, so we all can feel joy instead of downtrodden.

[blessing_your_self]

Thank you for inviting more joy and prompts for inviting joy to us and people around us🙏

[robinsilk]

I love cheering people on! It raises my vibration too and that feels so good. I make a point to thank people who have helped me on a daily basis. I find it makes for a positive atmosphere and that's the place I want to be. I am a student of life and of course am still learning and I make a conscious effort to find joy in others' successes and good fortune. Sometimes it isn't easy and when that happens, I like to think about why in a particular instance it isn't easy. Then I try to find a way to make peace with that.

[mariannestellin]

Other peoples joy feels like a magnet, and makes me join them on that wave 🙏🙌🥰

[L...P]

This sounds like a perfect New Year's goal and one of the more important ways we can help lift the human race up from the gutter of cynicism and division, "helped" along by social media and the "compare and despair" culture we live in. I used to have a friend who greeted everyone with this question: "What's the good word?" I loved that. Why not use it myself? I think I'll try it as an experiment this year and see what happens.

[JohnDallas-djnu]

I think the concept is awesome. I believe it takes some practice to consciously search it out and notice it when it happens though. Maybe I am just not a natural empath. It is kind of like gratitude or positive happenings that help overcome our negativity bias. With practice, it comes easier and makes us feel good.

[lindagross]

Hi. I used to be very envious and thought bad thoughts about me when others had boyfriends, etc. I now say I am not ready yet. Good for them but I need to keep working on myself and learning more about me. All your podcasts and newsletters help me in so many ways! Thanks

[ladyjade]

Hi Terri Would you cover in more depth on the topics of being a martyr, how to ask for help with you are always the helper & how to blame others such as when people are attempting to exploit you for emotional labor or to do their dirty work?