#BREAKINGNEWS: Study Finds LSD Highly Effective At Ruining Nephew’s Baptism

[TheManCalledDrHorse]

If you can't handle tripping balls in Church, you don't deserve to trip balls anywhere.

[yuyukawa]

See, this is what the war on drugs is taking from us. Just think of how many babies have their baptisms go as planned because their aunt / uncle can't access or doesn't know about LSD.

This is the way forward, people.

[colinchampoli]

What if you baptize your nephew in lean? Asking for a friend.

[wslrichards]

Yeah, yeah Yeah! I want to know the effects of shrooms on Bat Mitvahs. Whats big mycology hiding???

[falpsdsqglthnsac]

truly a revolutionary breakthrough, what a time to be alive

[mindblown]

Can confirm. It's also very effective at disrupting wakes and exams. But it does lessen the pain of living in a world of only pigeons and dandelions.

[MaestroAlvis]

Holy fucking shit thank you. More of this, please.

[Zach-wrfw]

What’s funny is one of Timothy Leary’s Harvard experiments involved the theology department

[duckmasterflex]

Church attendance is declining so I see this as a win all around.

[Ondrix]

The Onion, the only news source willing to state facts and present the world as it truly is... utterly fucking absurd.

[TrashJack]

Interesting finds, though I wonder: if one is already prone to doing and seeing completely bugnuts shit at their nephew's baptism while stone-cold sober, will the application of LSD cancel out the madness or instead amplify it? Could other drugs, such as crack cocaine, krokodil, or bath salts produce comparable effects in the field of ruining nephews' baptisms?

[Robertoni]

Also good for your uncle’s funeral. Really all church related functions.

[renatocorvaro]

You know, I don't know if this study is accurate. I want to take part in the next study, to be sure.

[johnnyfreedom]

Baptizing little babies is a creation of man. My understanding was that a person has to make a conscious decision at an age they are capable of before they get baptized. I didn't get baptized till I was 16!

[-dystopic-]

Fuck no! Acid makes everything better!

[Scarlett-jqcj]

Funny, but I think most participants were just questioning what the nature of time was and if this ritual was truly necessary and why is it they let an institution like the catholic church to still be legitimized after centuries of abuse towards children, among other rambling questions.

[MrPartisanhack]

Okay, but how does it effect Bar Mitzvahs and circimcisions?

[daisychain]

Start with half a tab, work your way up, open your mind to a world that's all good 🥳🤯🤪

[timmythetechpriest]

Sounds like those researchers had real bad trips

[maxwheatley]

I miss the old new channel sketches!!! These shorts are better than the slide shows or whatever you guys were doing at least