Are You Staying in a Dead Marriage For the Kids

Are You Staying in a Dead Marriage For the Kids

This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major culprits to kid’s problems. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again…Listen in, then weigh in with a comment below.

SHOWNOTES:

The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:00]
Do you want to show your children how to be a human being, navigating the ups and downs of life? Do you want to be transparent about that journey? Or do you want to hide out and pretend like you know what you’re doing and teach that to your kids?

What is the real issue here? [8:10]
The problem with divorce/marriage research [11:45]
Kids who struggle relationally come from families who struggle relationally.
What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:15]
Relationship tools to use if you want to avoid divorce [17:20]

[carineii]

My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. I'm now 34, and up to this day, the day my mother left my father remains one of the happiest days in my entire life. How great it felt for my sister and I to live in a tension free home at last. We no longer had to witness their never-ending arguments, or the dreadful silent treatment they sometimes inflicted upon each other to keep the "peace". That situation was ten thousand times worse than the *very temporary* pain of shared custody. Finally, how great it felt to see our parents HAPPY, and no longer angry, resentful and stressed. I applaud the parents out there who choose to teach their kids the importance of happiness, and specifically the choice of happiness over misery.

[jtoneal]

This totally describes my situation. I am ONLY in the same house because "stay together for the kids". This has me really thinking. Second, I am TERRIFIED of life on my own. Excellent video.

[chalea]

I'm a product of my mom sticking it out for us. Big lesson learned for me and how I make my decisions as an adult. My children deserve to see what true love and happiness is.

[psychicrenegade]

I cannot leave until my youngest is 18. I have tried several times in the past, but he gets very nasty, vindictive, and spiteful when I try to leave, and he just loves dragging our children into all of it. The custody situation would be a hellish fight, where his accusations against me could very well end up with BOTH of us losing the kids, and them being put in foster care. I refuse to let that happen. Out of our 4 children, 3 have Autism and ADHD. There is no way we could make a divorce work for the kids. So I am stuck here, in a loveless marriage, for about 8 more years. After that...FREEDOM!!!

[viagarcia]

Absolutely true, simple and straightforward. I'm surprised your inbox isn't flooded with hate mail and death treats; people refuse to face the reality of the damage the settling does to your children. They claim it is selfish to leave just because the lack the courage to leave. They are showing their kids to betray themselves by example.

[elfe]

Exactly what I am doing right now 🙏 leaving my dead relationship after 12 years.

[jKazama_]

I'm watching this video because I just had the courage to walk away from my 15yr old marriage. We have 7 kids 2 of whom are mine from previous. Because of the break down of my 1st relationship I didnt want to have a second broken relationship. My memories of my childhood was hearing my mum over and over many times telling us if it wasn't for us she will walk away..if she didnt love us she would've left our dad. I hated it but as an adult I started to live it. I stayed because of my kids. I was so miserable unfulfilled and when I felt I was seriously losing my sanity that's when I walked. After many attempts to leave and many many breakdowns meltdowns during our relationship, I walked out. I was willing to be homeless but I couldn't stay anymore. I left my children because I didnt know where I was going..didnt know where i would end up. But with the grace of the Lord he provided. Its day 3 since I left. It's been hard and emotional. Any changes are but I now lean on God for courage and strength not to turn back. Where I am right now is better than how i was when i was back home. This is how I was lead to watching this video. Thank you.

[nour]

I am still holding on for the sake of my children for 24 years now! what a total self-destruction!!! What can I do and where to go after all this???

[himmie]

It's worth waking up and seeing my son every morning and seeing his face everyday I come home

[gabel]

My biggest concern is, where she and the kids going to live and how is she going to provide if shes a stay at home mother right now, and is one of the things that worries me to no end

[andybearchan]

Can we just take a second to acknowledge that some people are terrible. They can be petty, malicious, greedy, lazy, inconsistent and rude without ever becoming "abusive". The chaos that people can cause is a real danger for children. Do we really want to teach children that they should put up with bad behavior indefinitely? Make our children life long victims? Sometimes people just need help. Counseling or group discussions could do wonders. There is only so much you can do and after a valiant attempt, you should be the final word on what is right for you and your family. A nasty and bitter divorce is hard on kids, but I'll bet a nasty and bitter marriage is just bad. My parents have been married for 40 years and when my older brother was torn about what to do with his marriage and kids, they said: whatever your decision, we support you. It turn out that they both are better off, having remarried and had more kids with new partners. My niece is happy because everyone involved loved her and made her feel safe. It wasn't easy, but doing the right thing never is.

[kalelissuperman]

In my own experience i chose to stay in a dead marriage for my children for years with a woman who used me and did not love but i was dying inside till i took the courage and file for the divorce and today i am at peace and so are my girls who know their parents love them despite our differences.
Best get the divorce and continue being a father in a difference house.

[SolarwithJoJo]

Thank you for this video!! I am her.. the wife that has decided to stay for my beautiful kids. However in life you have to be who you are to reach your purpose . My kids need me to be someone. Thank you so much!!

[llanberg]

...as a kid no matter how much you try you still may not get that toy. One spouse can't change another. Not every problem in a marriage is caused by external situations sometimes it's internal within one or both spouses. Couples can outgrow one another and not be "in love" anymore. No matter how much trying, if the feeling is gone it's gone. They may "love" each other but still be miserable being attached to one another. When being with someone for 15, 20 etc years and you find you can't get along and there is no more spark to ignite then it's time to move on to do something that will make one happy. That has nothing to do with not being ready for marriage in the first place. Life is short to live a sentence of unhappiness. For myself and many I know, we are the second wife. The men and children involved are happy growing up seeing what happiness in a marriage is. I do agree that one shouldn't give up on a marriage easily but if the solutions fail then the solution becomes divorce.

[lookingforsanjunipero]

Beautiful way of putting it and fantastic advice. Pray I have the courage to follow it someday soon 💔😥

[alex]

You always have to take care of yourself and do what’s right for your own well-being in life. Your kids will respect and love you more for it.

[ST]

I grew up in an abusive household and I prayed my mom would leave him but she never did. I was mad at him for years but realized it just recently I was mad at my mom for not protecting me, since I was the target of his anger and hate.

[davebart]

Well I had a really bad relationship in the first 10 years, kids kept up together, but we insisted and worked on it and after 10 years everything improved, we accepted our differences, had another baby and got married... 20 years on and we are very happy and big arguments are no longer a thing... we are happy and I love her more now than when we first met... I believe when you willing to make it work it will work

[cdubb]

Somebody help me, I feel stuck, I called every shelter possible in Atlanta, im tired my soul is tired with 3 kids i am very depressed young and stressed.. I feel like my life is over, I have not smiled in 9 yrs laugh on the outside cry on the inside, And my poor son I feel like a failure mom who cant walk away, I have no money at the moment because he is the bread winner which is why i feel stuck, If anybody reading this, Please say a prayer for me, My name is Caprice and i am crying out for help, I have been punched slapped spit on and i feel like i can kill him but look at my kids, The only thing that stops me.. I tried staying for my babies but it's not worth it

[sofianosce]

I am currently in this situation. I have become someone I am not. 10 years in April 2016... 5 years of arguing, 2 of limited intimacy, and 1 sexless. I know myself needed touch, I asked for one night stands with him, he refused. I ended up being with someone out of loneliness. My child is only 8, and I think of all the time I will be away from her. Then I think about his response to me leaving... He will grow depressed and possibly become nonfunctional... As he has before. He goes for months just sitting in sofa.. No conversation no interaction with anyone of us. I often wonder what would happen if I tell him I want out. I mean he's refused me for over a year. Mind you, I am rough around the edges and can press all the right buttons, even when I try to hard not to. Our lives are so intricately connected, I wouldn't even know where to start. Albeit, I certainly agree with Jayson. I am modeling something that I do agree with. I have no family, orphan, no friends, only my work and its pretty lonely. Financially, I cannot rent even a studio.. I do have a therapist who is encouraging. There are so many logistics that I am so afraid of. And like many people, I come from broken dysfunctional home. Damn, I feel like I have been making all the 'right' choices all my life, so making these 'wrong-bad' choices now, can become overwhelming. I do realize that I am doing what I am doing out of loneliness and desperation. Money would sure help in my situation. I have to find a way, I'm so afraid of causing him to become nonfunctional for our child. I believe in is heart he is good man; however, I am not meant to be his wife. Thank you Jayson for shedding some light. I appreciate it.