Realizing this changed my life

social:

[nemanjamilovancevic]

Alternate title of the video: My boomer dad was right

[westcoastkidd]

When complimenting someone, instead of praising them by saying, ".. you're so smart". Instead, say "you must've worked really hard for that". They'll continue to work hard to achieve a desired outcome instead of relying on 'natural abilities'.

[damondominique]

The more you know, the more you realize you don't know.

[abdulelahsm]

I joined MIT as a grad student last year and I was humbled quickly by how everyone is just simply much smarter than I am. I realized that I fall into the same bucket you described and the only way I was able to join and graduate is by working 10x harder than whatever load is required for a course/project

[TumblinWeeds]

Growing up, I was _that_ smart kid. I think I was actually reasonably smart, I was writing stories at 2 and doing multiplication at 3. But in the end I think it crippled me. I was the kid who only needed 20 minutes to study. Therefore I *always* had to be the kid who only needed 20 minutes. Needing to study longer would mean I’m not actually smart.

But as topics get harder, everyone has to study more. And as everyone else studied for days or weeks, I had trouble walking over my big fat ego to study more than a few hours. Everyone would keep saying _“if only you applied yourself…”_ and I was *terrified* of proving them wrong. What if I couldn’t do it even if I tried? My whole _thing_ was being smart. If I wasn’t smart, I’d be nothing.

On top of that, I can’t live with mediocre achievements. I got into the best university of my country, but I didn’t get into US Ivy League due to my lack of work ethic. I’ve never been able to feel proud. No matter what I do, I should’ve done better.

I’m really working on developing work ethic. At my university, I don’t know how many people are as “smart” as me, but most people are almost definitely *better* than me. Because they can actually put in the work. I’m working on being more like them.

[AbderrahmanFodili]

I've always been praised for being the smartest in the room ever since I was a kid. I'm an ESL teacher now learning to code to change careers and realizing that I've only been called smart because I was trying harder than everyone else not because I was actually smart

[loukes]

This is so true. Being called "smart" and "talented" by your parents only boosts your ego, which in turn tells you "you don't need to study for that exam" or "you failed that test? what a bad test that was". You HAVE to break it. You have to realize you are the equivalent of the work you're putting in.

[fencserx]

I am the guilty party that would look over the notes 20 minutes before the test and passed. Being able to do that really fks you up when you’re actually trying to do something genuinely hard.

[jarydehaay]

Shit homie, this hits home really hard. I didn't get this concept until I was 27, always looking for excuses as to why I wasn't where I wanted to be. It all boils down to being hard on yourself and actually doing the goddamn work, every fucking day, no shortcuts, no excuses. Grind. You're not special, you're not entitled to anything, work for it, get to it.

[kitgary]

I know you bro. I am also not smart but love programming. I failed in public exam and spent 2 more years than others to get into college, but I didn't give up and now become a software engineer!

[tasheemhargrove]

Are you sure it’s not the case that those people picking up concepts in 20 minutes that took you hours have already been exposed to the concept beforehand? Einstein put a shit ton of hours into math and physics. I always hear about these people who can just magically understand concepts and pick up skills. I’ve never seen anything like that. I went to 5 high schools and never came across anyone like that. In college I haven’t come across anyone like that. Maybe I can only witness something like that in an Ivy.

My guess is that if you dig deep enough you will find that they put the time in too, probably just long before they needed it or indirectly through another skill or concept that’s related. I remember people flunking out of beginner CS courses who I thought were smarter than me. I wasn’t one of those people flunking because I was already learning a lot of the concepts in my free time beforehand because I found it interesting. If you’re the type of person who reads philosophy for fun, then you ace all your humanities courses without studying much, are you really just a genius? That’s such a ridiculous notion when you think about it. There are so many ways in which your hobby is giving you direct and indirect exposure to a shit ton of the concepts that will be addressed in those courses.

This idea has never made any sense to me. As humans, we use other concepts/ideas to build on others. This is why a baby can’t do Calculus and Physics or comprehend complex philosophical concepts. They simply do not have the intellectual building blocks for it. If someone is picking things up fast, they almost certainly put the time in elsewhere to develop the building blocks necessary to grasp that concept quicker and easier. There are certainly different degrees in natural ability, but unless you’re mentally handicapped, I think the difference between the average and high-achieving is negligible. When it comes down to it, everyone has to work hard to accomplish anything worthwhile.

[EyeLean]

My mom was a baseball fan and she always told me that Pete Rose wasn't the most naturally talented player but he worked harder and longer than the others. Years later, he eventually made the Hall of Fame and I remembered my mother's words. So when I had a kid, I always told her that it doesn't matter how smart she may be, there will always be people out there who are ahead of her in brains. What matters is being willing to work at what you want.

[TamNguyen-ykmn]

Perfectionism is another part that I develop thinking that I'm 'smart'. The expectation that 'smart' people don't make mistake really thrown me down the hole of mental issues. Just like video mentions, if I took so long to understand or do something, I would get frustrated with myself. Slowly the fear of failure develop, the needs to keep the image of being 'smart' (pretending), I stop working and be in denial. Now I am trying to climb out of this hole that I dug for myself. My best advice is do what YOU can, don't compare yourself to others, and focus on your own specific needs. Most importantly, love and learn more about yourself (ability, capability, skill and environment, etc...), who you really are without lies that you told yourself. I hope you the best.

[Palmieres]

Realizing I'm not as intelligent as I was told throughout my whole childhood, and for a good part of my tens, was a blow. I'm not attractive or interesting or funny enough, so being smart was my only strength. Learning I'm just average and was experiencing a "kind of big fish, little pond" situation made me very, very depressed and ruined my chances of succeeding in life. Now, in my forties, and a failure. Not because I'm not wealthy or famous or successful. Just because I feel unhappy and both disappointed and disappointing.
Expectations placed on you by suggestion are a terrible and sure way to ending up as a sad human being. When you think you're average from the get go you work harder and actually accomplish stuff.

[LucidProgramming]

I completely agree with your sentiments here in this video. I made the same realization around your age where I realized I was not the smartest person in most rooms. This is an uncomfortable feeling to confront oneself with as the ego does just about everything it can to work against this idea.

On paper, it might seem like "I'm smart". I have a PhD in computer science from a top school. I've written numerous papers on quantum computation, run my own business, and do a number of other "smart-sounding" things. However, in all of those pursuits, I have had to put in way more effort, time, dedication, etc. to get similar results to my peers. I've realized that it's not about your initial "intellect roll", but more so about what you do with that information. In my case, I've just decided to apply the same techniques you've outlined here--hard work, tracking, and consistency.

In the end, I've seen that hard work and consistency steamrolls brute "strength" in the form of intelligence. From one dull penny in the fountain to another, I salute you :)

[pricerowland]

It's refreshing to see someone who has come out of their shell in regards to life ambitions. I relate to being a terrible student and disorganized employee, although in my case I think it was more of a lack of direction than thinking I was brighter than my peers. I'm now in my mid-20's and I'm finally pursuing the things I actually want and need, for the first time in my life. I look back at my younger self and I don't know what I was thinking.

[_skyline]

It is SO weird that someone has felt the same experience I did growing up.

My childhood was surrounded by video games, TV, and playing around in school. When middle school was over, I found out my crush was planning on applying to this high school magnet program that apparently had lots of Asians. So my 8th-grade self made the decision to apply there and I got in.

My life changed after I entered that high school. I was living in a new world. My peers were not only ambitious and hardworking - they were incredibly talented. Presidential Scholars, competing in international competitions and other insane feats. When I was a sophomore, the realization dawned upon me that I was not the smart kid my mom said I was. No - I was leagues asunder everyone. Whether it was presentation skills, making novel critiques against arguments, being articulate in speech, or just flat out being a faster learner: they were always on top. I found out I would have to study 3-4x as hard as my peers just to keep up with the content.


I was struggling. And now I have to say that I'm not really satisfied with your solution mindset of "damn I can't be that far off." Because what if you are actually very far off? What if you found out you have severe cognitive impairments like a working memory that is faulty even against middle schoolers? What does it actually mean: could we provide a description or qualitative evaluation as to how far off an individual can be before we realize their life truly does have some terrible, harsh disadvantages?

Telling an individual who has severe limitations or impairments that they should just try harder, I think, wouldn't be great. In a way, we make them feel responsible for something they have no control over (and this is an enduring criticism of the growth mindset). It just doesn't account for innate talent or acknowledge it enough.

I, as an individual, have a working memory that is below what is normal. And I know because my memory affects every aspect of my life - my relationships, school performance, self-esteem, my job, everything. I have lived and experienced my frustration.. I understand that, to some people, I may come across as idolizing intelligence. That is something I am also considering. Intelligence isn't what I should value. What I should value are principles of being a moral and good human being. But that response still doesn't really feel relieving. It feels more like a superficial band-aid of "hey bro just don't think about it."

I intend not to come across as rude in my comment. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts regarding innate intelligence.. such a depressing topic.

[horry]

1. Would your past self be happy with your future self if they saw that you were making the exact same mistakes?
2. Nothing changes in life unless you make the change.
3. Anything you want if it's something worth achieving is going to take time, pain and effort.
4. Improvement in life is all about slow incremental change.

[technicalboy]

It's about how interested you are in something, whether that be mathematics, tech or whatever. Some people know every single detail about their favourite sport and had they had the same interest in, say physics, they also would be considered as very smart. Those in your class you considered smart were highly interested in doing well in exams and thus developed efficient systems of memorisation or were interested enough to study when they needed to study, and enjoyed studying. Their egos boosted when they saw the results, further motivating them to study more.

[ben-sidk]

Golden advice here. It’s so easy as a parent to fall into the ‘tell your kids their smart for their self esteem’ trap. Teaching them the value of hard work is responsibly preparing them for a successful life.