How to Be Attractive on a Date

A lot of dating advice suggests that, to be attractive, we should focus on our looks, our clothes and our ability to choose a good venue. But the true secret to proving attractive is to know how to reveal our vulnerability, our maturity and our degree of self-knowledge.

FURTHER READING

“The goal can be stated simply enough: the overwhelming priority, when on a date with someone we like, is to persuade them to like us back. But the simplicity of the mission masks the complexity required to achieve it. Typically, the advice focuses on externals: what to wear, when to unfurl a napkin, what to order… But such counsel, however well-meaning, is at odds with what we ourselves know about attraction: that it is profoundly focused on psychology.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Illustrated by
Natalia Ramos

Animated by
Alexa Ledesma

[mariahspapaya]

“We want to be seen for who we really are and be forgiven; not mistaken for someone else, idealized, and then condemned”

[scottj]

Underlying message in this is that you're not winning by being attractive to people who aren't a fit for you.
By showing them a bit more of you, you're going to turn off the wrong people and turn on the right ones.

[clementruthwick]

I have to watch these videos twice, because the first time i watch it I just get lost in that beautiful animation.

[stitchlee]

- inform them your vulnerability
- ask for their vulnerability as well
- admit you're lonely
- compliments them

[thefudge]

I had a first date last night, and I talked about School of Life. Do I win?

[supercalifragic]

I feel like this advice only works on people with the same general state of mind and maturity. A School of Life dating app could probably work wonders. One set up in a way that makes it clear the intent is to bring people together to form strong long lasting/life-long relationships, not one night stands or flings.

[mutthulakshmi]

1. Admit you’re a little mad
2. Give them a safe space to admit they’re a little mad
3. Reveal that we’ve been a bit lonely and sad lately. This is to show that no matter your external success, you too share doubts and insecurities just like your date. It makes you more relatable.
4. Pay compliments. Something that comes from the heart and something that isn’t easily noticeable about themselves.

[scottj]

Yes to sharing quirks and fears on early dates
No to baring your soul like you're in therapy on early dates
If you find someone who is open and strong enough to meet you in baring everything this early kudos.
You can probably get there with most people but ease into it (like once you're past the introductory stuff and there seems to be connection)

[valeyo]

Who the hell are you? How do you know everything about life in such a real and true way! So freaking glad I found this channel, unbelievable.

[mariahspapaya]

I went out with this guy about a year ago who I liked soo much, he was so cute and we had a crazy amount of things in common. He was funny, a gentleman, etc. our 3rd date I had really bad anxiety and I told him, although it’s a blur I’m sure I blurted out a few stupid things out of anxiousness and stupidity, he assured me he understood but didn’t talk to me again after that. I had a hard time for a long while understanding where it went south, but I know that if a guy can’t handle my craziness he can’t stick around for anything else. It’s weird you still learn these lessons in your 20s

[syafirapermata]

Went on a date once with a guy. He talked exactly the same like this!! It made me open myself more and he ended up compliment about how he enjoyed talking to me (which i felt appreciated by that). The date went well, we keep in touch on whatsapp, the feeling started to grow.


Turned out he has a wife.
Shit happened

[olimpicus]

first date; i´m a little crazy and depressive

great first impression!

[karn]

All great advice - unless you're dealing with a predatory, manipulative type :( They love this kind of information too, but for very different reasons.

[TheLifeFormulaa]

This is great advice for older/matured people

[HengHuiMei]

When everything is too perfect, it feels kinda unreal at times. I like the advice here, The School of Life!

[Bhruguraj]

Just be yourself ... It's easy and helps you in long run

[Jspec]

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you”

- Carl Jung

[irlshrek]

"vulnerability well worn and madness confidently understood" I love this

[Helicopterpilot]

This just gave me great pointers than speak straight to the truth of long relationships. I am 25, have aspergers, and have never been in a relationship. I am very interested in a girl I met through a support group. Because of my anxieties to woman I find attractive, I have yet to speak a word to her. But since the heartaches felt the days that I left without a word, I have decided it's next time or never. I cannot wait to finally talk to her.

[alexissheltered]

On the first date that I had, with my now boyfriend of 9ish months, I did something similar to this. I think part of why it's worked out was that we're both pretty down to earth and just generally a good match. But I think it's good to practice balancing wanting to make a good outward impression while revealing your 'flaws' (or unconventional interests?). On the first date I was a little more reserved because it's the point where you're just trying to get to know someone on the surface. But once we agreed to meet again I knew that the second date was where I'd make sure to show more of my quirks and insecurities. I basically finished the second date with something like " I tried to show you a little more of what I'm like most of the time because I think it's only fair that you see what you're getting yourself into" and at that point, if he didn't want to see me anymore then so be it. As for him, he was a little quieter and I could tell, and honestly looking back I was right, that he had his quirks and insecurities too but it would maybe take a little more time to show it. So the fact that I had opened up first really set the vibe that our budding relationship was a safe place where he could feel comfortable to be himself and not feel like he ever had to put up any fronts. 9 months later and we're practically like best friends (with benefits :P) and can talk about literally anything at any point. And all in all it's a great relationship because it was built on trust and understanding and acceptance of the other- because at the end of the day we're all human beings with different likes and dislikes and quirks and what have you. And this is coming from a 24ish year old, and he's 25. You don't have to be old to be mature and grounded. And you don't have to be mature and grounded to have a 'good relationship'. Cus not everyone is, and may not get there, or isnt there yet but will eventually. Just know that when you're seeking out a partner, a fling, a friend: you'll get and attract those who are in a similar state of mind to you. I think the main message of this video is that if you're open and real with someone from the get go, and especially if you tell them that you're making that kind of effort, it encourages them to do the same. And that's one case of many that create good foundations for long lasting relationships.