Do I Have to Be Friends with My Ex to Get Them Back?

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🗝️ KEY MOMENTS IN THIS VIDEO:
00:00 Welcome
01:58 Are you emotionally strong enough to be friends
03:19 Reflect before you decide
04:38 Don't be friends out of fear
06:09 Set boundaries

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[pappico]

The Set boundaries part is the most relatable one for me, I'm in the exact same situation.
This guy basically told me we're just friends from now on, no more kisses, dates, and whatnot. But in less than a week he went to my house again and initiated physical and sexual stuff, even said we should hang out again soon... "Friends" don't do that. He's so confusing. Next time we meet, I'm gonna put value to myself and won't allow him to do that anymore unless he changes and commits. I'm done following his temperature and pace.

[groggen]

My ex reached out a couple of weeks ago and asked if we could have dinner, after 4+ months apart and I was in no contact for about 3 of those months. We had dinner last Saturday and it was ok after she relaxed a bit. It was mostly talk about her though, but I listened and we had a nice time anyway. When I talked to her a couple of days ago and asked if she wanted to meet again some day, her mood changed and she said my life was better without her and that her life was miserable. Then she hung up.

I understand that her life did not turn out the way she expected after she left and at the same time I have improved and activated myself. I have sold the house and bought a new apartment, I have lost weight, I have been seeing friends, I will go backpacking I Asia next month and so on.

I decided to take a step back when she got that emotional. My life is not better without her, but the decision to move was only hers and I have to respect her decision and adjust to the situation. But a day later she contacted me again by text and asked for advice on a certain topic. She still didn’t want to talk to me but we texted for a while. Today she called me and continued to fish for some advice or support, I am not sure which.

It feels like she is trying to friend zone me because in our relationship I was the one taking care of things and softening the hit if there were any issues. I think she felt secure in that but sometimes it made me feel like her father. Maybe she is looking for that security again, but I am not willing to provide it since she made the decision to leave and I think she should harvest the benefits of being without me if that’s all she wants.

I love her and I want her back so it’s very difficult not to at least give advice even if she has to implement the advice herself. But at the same time it very

[JeuceMcGeuce]

Thank you for this video! Personally, I had to rewatch this video in order to lock onto the ideas because I was feeling a lot of distress when the breakup was fresh. I didn't have the emotional and mental bandwidth in the start to navigate the situation let alone understand fully what you were trying to say, but I think I'm getting there.

This is a really helpful perspective on how to proceed after a break up that contrasts what I usually hear on this subject. So far I have not found anything else that felt like it fit my situation.

You are spot on with your predictions about the characteristics and qualities of both me and my ex, going through the old and new dynamics of the relationship. I did burn out and lose my identity. Additionally, I was motivated by fear when my ex first asked to hang out again and I was so confused about what it meant after we first started hanging out again. I went through the rabbit hole and she had to reemphasize that it didn't mean we were getting back together.

Us hanging out again is still new and time will tell if it will benefit either of us, but I am working on myself now in my alone time and working so I can feel the sense of my value that I have lost. I am going to try to practice exercising my sense of value in this new dynamic.

When my ex essentially asked to stay friends, it was hard. I could see myself occasionally floundering through the initial interactions, but I feel I'm learning to navigate this new dynamic of being friends. I feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel all thanks to your advice!

[adhsl]

I just wished my ex happy birthday and saying take care my friend. Will that jeopardise my chance of getting back together?

[robertmorgan]

I was in a relationship with my Girlfriend (now ex) for 3 years 7 months and she lived with me. My two lads of 30 and 16 moved in last year and my ex clashed with the older one. He is quite difficult with me as well at times. I ended things by text in anger in 02/12/22 and regretted it and begged her to stay. She left the same night and since the break up she said she wants friendship. I said yes and said only if it works towards us getting back together. We’ve seen each other every 2 weeks since and have a great time together. I’ve stopped talking about the past and we get in well. She is in the process of buying a flat so we’re not going to live together. How do I turn friendship back into a relationship?

[frederickkingshott]

At the moment my ex can't be in the same place as me
We separated middle of February and she keeps posting loads of stuff on line pointing at me

[DAN-lodb]

My situation is different. I can't be friends with an ex that's been in a live in commitment relationship

[williamdolan]

Question if you agree does that mean you can’t get them back?

[Simran-uo]

I want to stay friends with my ex who cheated on me

[---dxut]

What should I do with a guy who doesn’t understand that I don’t want him around me? I blocked him on Snapchat, but still following each other on Twitter. I did block him to send a massege that I don’t want him close. Yet, he circelled me on Twitter days ago while I’m trying to move on and pissed off! What the heck! Is it ego matter or trying to communicate or what?

[missjessicaflower]

... Everything he says makes since. at 4:36 and on ... gahhh