Should You Listen to Your Parents?

In response to a viewer message I made this video about my experience leaving high school.

Filmed on the walk from my house down to the local beach in West Vancouver.

[veritasium]

It's tricky for everyone that's for sure. Everything takes time and there are no wasted years - they all make you who you are. So enjoy it and be sure when you finish to do something you're passionate about!

[Gyzyn]

"Parents DO want the best for us" - Depends on the parents; and even if they want the best for us, what they want isn't necessarily always the best for us.

[veritasium]

for the record, they moved to West Vancouver in the 70's when it was not the place it is today. And yes they wanted the best for me - they wanted to make sure I continued on with my education and they're right, it's important. But it's also important to be passionate about what you do.

[mickeyg]

My story: I was super into music & computers when I was a kid. My mom had an apple ii because she was a teacher & the school let her use a b/w one all year & a color one over the summer. This was the late 80s. Anyway, my dad used to chase me off the computer and make me go outside & play basketball. He told me computers were a niche thing & that there was no future in them. My best friend has the same story except his parents let him play on the computer all he wanted. Today, I am 38 and I work in restaurants. Mostly bussing tables & washing dishes. My best friend? He makes over $100k a year in computers. Parents don't know you and their good intentions can be kerosene on your plans even if they mean well.

[jmoser]

I'm a parent, and here's the advice I gave my kids (and anyone else who will listen). But first, consider this--I've been alive for twice as long as my kids and done twice at much in life. So, maybe I've learned a thing or two in that time. I hope I have.

Suggestion 1) Pick something for a career that has at least half a chance at making a living. If you don't think the thing you want to do will make much money, then get creative and tell me a novel way to do what you want to make a living. Always use your brain.

Suggestion 2) Within the scope of the above, pick something you LOVE to do. Because, if you are going to be successful at it then you are going to do a LOT of it! If you don't love what you do then you'll get sick of it long before you become successful at it.

Suggestion 3) Try to be the best at whatever you do. Even if you never ARE the best, then at least you are TRYING to be your best. And that's OK, because you LOVE it, right? RIGHT?

And one other thing to remember. If you love physics, but your parents want you to be a doctor then surprise them. There are so many jobs that combine multiple disciplines, you could use your knowledge of physics to design some kind of medical appliance. Or go into nuclear physics, then go into nuclear medicine and create nuclear elements for medical use. Wouldn't THAT surprise your parents???!!! :-)

As a parent, I'd never suggest being a doctor, unless it's a real passion (though I'm glad some do!!!) There are just so many negative things to consider, long, long hours (which take a toll on your body), high insurance costs, getting sued, owing a LOT of money for school, and one little mistake and your career is ruined. You could spend a lot less money and become a physical therapist, for example, spend less on school and still make a very comfortable living.

I hope those are some helpful things to think about.

[yoshimeier]

Im incredibly happy that my parents always leave me my free decisions but help me out with the path I choose.

[traumalama]

I am a surgeon that followed my passions for psychology and music through 6 years of undergraduate school. I realized that the skills I learned playing in bands and studying the multiple wonders of the mind have helped create a very effective not too typical surgeon. Keeping your eyes open to what you are good at and what inspires your curiosity is key to a happy purposeful life. (In my humble opinion)

[Altezh]

I have always been an A-student, but I play a lot of music.
When I was done with high school I wanted to play music, but my dad "forced" me to go to university.
This year I finished became an engineer in Denmark.
At my exam my dad came and was so proud he cried during a speech, and gave me an old expensive Fender Stratocaster, and said: "Here son. Now you can become a musician and play every day"
Now I work at one of the biggest engineering firms, and I love it so much! and still play every day

[aslambatcha]

don't try to achieve your dreams by ur kids

[wntrsxldr]

Im watching this video a year from the last time, and i made a similar decision. Last year, i was an engineering major, and i was honestly extremely depressed. I couldn't stand most of the courses, except for the maths courses. I wasn't failing any of the courses, but i just couldn't sit through the classes without feeling forced to be there. Right now, im a proud pure mathematics major and my decision was partially influenced by this video. I honestly couldnt be happier right now. Thank you, Derek.

[StefanTravis]

"Don't you want your parents to be proud of you?"
"No, I want _me_ to be proud of me."

[ParaditeRs]

I love the way he ended this video. Simply video footage of the water and the sky and his environment, I've seen him do this in a few of his videos and I hope he continues to do so. 

I personally have so many interests but I simply can't decide which of those interests stand out more so than my other interests. There is no one interest I have that effects me so much more greatly than another interest of mine and because of that I am lost as to what I really want to do with my life. The great thing about my mother is she doesn't really try to influence any of my interests, she doesn't try and push me in one way or another. The problem depicted in this video is one I'll never have to encounter, thankfully.

[tunneller]

Does anyone else think how lucky this guy is to have a real choice between Medicine and Engineering physics?

[codzomz]

I got lucky knowing that the only path for me was being an airline pilot... Ever since I was a little kid I didn't just want to be, I had to be an airline pilot...And I had the same quells you did Derek, I remember having a bad training day and looking up at the dark ceiling wondering "what the hell am I doing? Is this even the right path for me?" But every break I took I wanted it more. I even took a a 6 month hiatus to go and live with a girlfriend in Berlin... But every time I wanted to come back to it... Every time... In the words of Bill Burr "there's really no risk when you go after a dream, it always leads to something good, there is a tremendous amount of risk in playing it safe that leads to unbelievable levels of regret."

[Yewon]

I agree, Pursue your dreams. I have a degree in poli sci. I had a well paying job as a salesman but I got bored. Then I moved to Mexico and taught English. Now I'm going to move back to the USA and get a degree in biomechanical engineering. I love what I have done with my life. I pursued my dreams and I don't regret it one bit.

[AuddityHipHop]

Here's what I always say: What's the point of doing something for the money when money is used to pay for what you enjoy anyways? Why not cut out the middle man and do what you enjoy without that extra money (and more time)?
I believe this holds true so long as you make ENOUGH money for necessities.

[Washu]

Guy A: It is at times like this I wish I had listened to what my mother always used to tell me.
Guy B: Why? What did she say?
Guy A: I don't know I wasn't listening.

[Armuotas]

Never "choose" something because your parents want you to. Doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter how disappointed they might be. It's your life. You will never be happy if you do. You will always be stuck with their ideas, not yours. Eventually they will die (spoiler?) and you will continue to live not having anyone to please. Lucky if you still be young and enthusiastic enough to catch up to your dreams. Or will be able to merge them the way Derek did.

[kruth]

Quote from Kotaro Isaka: 'It is horrifying just to think of it that one doesn't have to pass a test to become a parent.' I grew up in a big family with a lot of relatives and I've witnessed lives ruined by terrible parents, luckily mine is not one of them.

[spacemanspiff]

5 years later, I find myself in the same place as the student you responded to. This was a reassuring video. Thank you