MOVING TO GERMANY | The 5 stages of culture shock 🇩🇪

Hi guys, welcome to my channel!

I’m Antoinette, a New Zealander who has been living for the last 9 years in Germany. In this video I talk from my own personal experience about 5 common stages of culture shock that many expats experience when they move to Germany. These stages can also apply to anyone moving to a knew country not just to Germany.

Remember that if you have moved to a new country and are currently going through a hard time, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel

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[calise]

I went through all these phases. It was soo, soo hard and unless someone has done this and experienced this. They can’t understand. I have been here almost 20 years now. I’m raising my bilingual kids, am active in my community but still every so often, in a quiet moment, I think how the heck did I end up here. This is neither a positive or negative statement. Just amazement.

Even after 20 years here, I am happily integrated but not German. Yet, when I go back to the States, I don’t fit in there either any more. That can be unsettling but then again....I am open and flexible enough to make my “home” anywhere.

No, your homesickness will never leave you, even while being completely content wherever you are. And that is ok.

I love watching your videos. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[lovespringgreen]

I love the way you explain both the negative and the positive feelings and experiences as an expat. You are so real.

[wanjikumburu]

I'm so glad to come across your video.I moved to Germany 7months ago and I'm now at stage 2.I must say this is a real struggle and I hope I can get over this stage.Happy to know that other people go through this as well.

[expatspielplatz]

Thank you thank you for this! I'm in the crying all the time depressed stage now. A woman at my children's school yelled at me until I cried because I had parked incorrectly. The grocery store check-out woman threw my bread to the ground because I didn't bag fast enough. People here don't smile and ALL of my jokes end with crickets chirping. I love so much of what I've found here, but the difference in culture is tactile. So tough. Thanks for this video, and for the hope ahead.

[gorsed]

Dear Antoinette. Compliments to your attitude. ❤️Every abroad living person go through this feelings. My parents came from Croatia in the 70s to Germany. My mom couldn't speak German so I couldn't speak German when I came to Kindergarten. In school I learned more German and my German language became my mother language when I was 10 years old. Not Croatian anymore. To day I am 40 and have double citizenship. My daughter don't speak Croatian. She's German girl. She's very good in English and want to take French as a second skill. My parents learned German very fast. Of course they don't speak grammatical perfectly. But fluently. Do practice German. Many immigrate (i don't like this word) people even don't speak after years German. That's for people like me (German with foreign backgrounds) just embarrassing. Many Turkish or Balkan or Italian after 40 years of working here also don't speak German! I know some personally. My brother in law (he's Hungarian) after 7 years now living and work in Germany don't speak or even understand good the German language. My husband told him a few days ago he's ignorant. That's also my opinion. He has Family with kid and work for family but until today he has everything in his Mother language. TV menue. Books... Everything. He will never get a better payed job when he doesn't change his behavior and attitude (Einstellung). This is not the way people learn the lenguage when living abroad. To joyn only their own people and watch only their TV? I don't get this. My parents always told me, anywhere where I want to live, learn language and respect culture and law. I'm a paralegal BTW. Sorry if my sound is to direct. Especially in school this is always a topic. ❤️You are totally right when you say, "I live here and have to make natives as friends, visit a language school, and learn with my child the language. That's important." Otherwise you make a wall around yourself. My mom learned language from other mums, had different cultured friends, wached local TV etc. And don't have fear of practice. My tips for you😁 Don't give up. You will be proud of yourself 👍👍👍❤️❤️❤️

[misssunshine]

My dear Antoinette Emily 😍. I would really love if you just behaved as you like ❤ !Because here in Germany we are so much blessed by people from other cultures. I really love people from other countries. So please don't adapt to this but instead bring your own culture to us. We all benefit from that!

[hele]

This Video helps so much. I’m from Germany and live in London since 7 month now and I’m in Stage 2 right now and it’s just so good to know that this will get better🥰

[cynthiastinson]

I really value your opinion on this. When I moved to South Korea I completely fell apart. It was impossible for me to integrate because I got physically injured and the army wouldn’t help me get the medical care I needed. I was at the acceptance stage before my knee made me immobile. I had to fly home to Arizona for physical therapy, leaving my kids behind with my soldier husband. Oh, it was so lonely without my family, but I probably would not be walking today without that 4 months of medical care. Now I’m moving to Germany with just my husband as the kids have grown. I am facing the intimidation of going through all of these stages. It takes faith to step out in courage to move overseas again because of what happened last time. So thanks for your candid video.

[typxxilps]

Imagine a german would come to NZ and he wouldn't speak english expecting that the locals should speak german !
That guy will be the loneliest guy in NZ cause which Kiwi would or could talk german to him and accept his missing effort to adopt local culture and to learn the language.
Pretty often english native speakers arrive in Germany with the wrong expectations living here and ignoring the importance of german language skills & personal improvements.
They feel like a lucky alien landed in Germany and loving that germans can speak their language - no need to learn the language?
Won't work - no one accepts that for longer than a few weeks.
But fortunatelly you got the curve in the right moment ... before you might had lost more time, nerves, health. Home Sickness appears when you recognice the values and their weight of your Heimat, how good your homeland, clubs, family and friends were during childhood and are... And without german skills none of these can find eqivalent levels in Germany unless your language skills start to grow - by hard work of cause. The older you get the bigger the memories of your childhoold are growing, especially tunes you heard as child. Same happens to germans who move from north Germany to Franken like Nürnberg cause they do not know the bavarian dialect there, can hardly understand fränkisch, are viewed and treated as foreigners with their heritage from Ostfriesland, unconnected, isolated - until they start becoming a club member where they can show their strengths and helpfullness. That's the german way - for foreigners from abroad like you or native germans 200 km away and even bayrische Schwaben ...

[interlene]

Went through exactly the same as an Italian moving to Ireland, was depressed for three years, after my honeymoon period of about a year, then started to accept things, as I realised I can't change 4m people, I have to change! Now big reverse culture shock whenever I go back home!

[Emulleator]

As a german its nice to know that our required integration courses don't only help people learn to live here but also help them become happy here :)

[erictrumpler]

Reverse culture shock: totally agree...
Interesting in my case that I never experienced culture shock when I moved to Germany. I grew up bilingually in a German family in the US, and was well acquainted with Germany through our travels there visiting my mother's family. In fact, living in Germany was a childhood aspiration I had. So when I moved to Germany for graduate study, I already had a familial support system in place. Now, after having lived in Germany for over 35 years, there are are two key points I'd like to make:
1. The reverse culture shock gets worse with time....the longer I've been away from America the stranger it is to me. Riding trains in the US, dealing with banking, bureaucracy, the suburban strip mall sprawl, all that has become foreign to me.
2. The other side of the coin: after having lived in Germany for so long, as a bilingual, I considered myself a German, and it took me about 20 years to realize that I had disavowed and buried the American part of my being, with the support of my wife, for whom I was German, and who didn't want to have anything to do with the American side of me when I started rediscovering lost American friends and hobbies. She also refused to travel to America with me....this eventually led to the end of our marriage.

Antoinette, I've just been going through many of your videos, which I enjoy very much. I was disappointed that the comment sections on some of your videos are already closed....in particular those on raising bilingual children. So please allow me to present my take on this here. Let me give you the punchline first, as far as your young family is concerned: you should, as you already are, stress the English development of your children as much as possible, and don't let up, even when they become teenagers!
Here's why:
My family in America spoke only German at home, and my parents were very strict about this, my brother and I learned English in our neighborhood, kindergarten and school. There was no English allowed at home until I was about 14, when my mom started working. My mother was German and my father had grown up bilingually in a German family in Canada. Today, my mother speaks both languages perfectly fluently, but has an accent in both languages (!), my father barely speaks any German anymore, and my brother, who also remained in the US, understands it perfectly, but is barely fluent in German anymore. In my case, since I still use both languages on a daily basis, have the better part of this deal, linguistically.... I can sound German to Germans, and American to Americans. Unfortunately, I could not raise my children bilingually, because I couldn't speak English to my wife's children, and speaking differently to mine than to their half-siblings was more than my bilingual mind could handle, among the other stresses of raising six children of different parentage.
So stick to your guns, and, if I may suggest, there's no harm in your speaking more English with your husband (although, in your case, you may still want the practice for your German). Your situation is very like my mother's, who went to a faraway place for love and marriage, and gradually lost some of her native language skills.

[windhelmguard]

i had thet lightbulb turning on in my head when i learned english, it was the moment when i stoped translating english in my head and started to understand english as it was, shortly thereafter i realized that i was actually capable of thinking in english and didn't have to fall back onto german at all anymore even when the person speaking had a heavy accent.

[misfithog]

German in NZ and it is kinda similar the other way around. ( and also moved 9 years ago, lol)

1. Stage: This country is so pretty. It is December and it is warm and the birds are singing and there is so much green, and everybody is so nice. Also, pavlova!

2. Stage: I cannot trust those "nice people". And why don't they just let me fricking shop without talking to me? I have no friends here. The windows suck. I just wanna talk german, please. Nobody even can say my name right!

3. Stage: started uni. Made some friends. Started to understand kiwi culture a bit better. It's ok here, actualy.

4. Stage: second visit to Germany. People here are a bit too closed off, aren't they? And what's up with being so, so, so rule abiding when crossing the road? Free, unasked for water in the restaurant would be nice...

5. Stage: I think I about reached this one a few weeks back only. The first time ai was looking into the future and, well... My partner and i talked in the past about moving to Germw ny at some point and I always wanted that, but now? I think either country has its merits and demerits ( thohhgh I DON still miss my family). I think i'd be fine either way.

[lebenslachen]

Very honest / sincere video! 🧡 I do understand everything you talked about. Even though I‘m German, I moved for the sake of love 17 years ago. My home town is just 150 km from where I live now with my family but they are two very different cities. I come from a small village and moved to a suburb of one of Germany‘s biggest cities. Two worlds collided and I still feel homesick every now and then, especially when I visit my parents and best friends. But I‘m stuck in stage 5 now forever... after you return you realize there are things that are better in your home town but you miss your new town because there are also things that are better here now. And you don’t want to miss them since you got so used to it.
I don’t think it‘s bad to experience a bit of homesickness because that way you always have the best of two worlds wherever you‘re going. And moving always makes you stronger as a person, you have to fight and learn and to make new experiences that let you grow...
I‘m proud of you how you manage your life here in Germany. I know it will be hard sometime but you are lucky to experience a life not many are able to. Keep on going! Hope you will always enjoy it here!

[andreahue]

Wonderful video! I moved from the US almost 1.5 years ago and have experienced stages 1-4 which you have described. You describe the stages well. It‘s interesting that there is a pattern of emotions that most or all expats experience.

[helmutmu]

Ein sehr offenherzigen und reflektierte Beitrag zum Thema Völkerverständigung. Danke!

[septemberrain]

Fantastic video! Loved it! Being a german I can absolutely understand all stages coz you've explained it more than good. I once had an english teacher. She originally was from the Netherland, had an husband from England and they moved a lot due to his job. They had also been in Italy and she spoke that language perfectly but somehow she never really started to learn german. She asked me one day how she could have a better connection to germans. She was a very open minded lady and so so so lovely but she had similar experiences like you had. She was wondering why she couldn't chat with her neighbour for example. Her neighbour was always so backtaken - at least that was her impression. I told her that in my opinion the language is the door opener. Most of the Germans do speak english but not all. Some people aren't so experienced in speaking it and are just too shy or afraid to make to many mistakes....so I still think the language is the door opener no. 1. Well done though. You've learned it and you've adjusted to the whole situation. That's great. I am happy for you that it all turned out so good. I think having such a loving and caring husband did help too ;-)

[suzetteospi]

There is one thing that you haven't experienced yet and it will stay with you for the rest of your life: If and when you should move back to New Zealand, you will always be homesick for Germany, too.
I lived in Taiwan in my 20s. Now I am 56. But I am always, always a little homesick for Taiwan.

[carlossaraiva]

I deeply understand what you mean, I grew up as an expatriate child in Germany and always had two loves in me. Later, life guided me to other countries (in one of them I met my wife and married) and now, at 57, I am living and working in my 5th country (Middle East) with my wife. So, I very, very much understand you.


Btw, liked you reflection and honesty on the issue.