Narcissistic sibling family drama (AITA)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[brokenbottle]

I am the youngest and tried endlessly to "parent" my parents into dealing with my older brother narc, they wouldn't listen to me and ultimately paid a huge price, we all did. its painful to have your parents "not listen to good advice" that would have saved them and my sisters.

[Sofianova]

I’m no contact with narc parents, I’m the only one out of me and my 5 siblings who’s gone no contact. I’ve always been the scapegoat and my siblings have now also made me the scapegoat so I live my life with no parents and no siblings and I’m at peace.

[AaronMiller-rhrj]

It is terrible what a Narcissist can do and make you feel. I think it qualifies as demonic.

[realhealing]

A narcissistic family system has to have a scapegoat to survive. I am the family scapegoat. No contact was my only option. Toxic family systems don't change.

[MulattoArchive]

My older siblings abused me for being the favorite and I didn’t even want to be the favorite. I grew to hate attention all together.

[cedjazz]

Man, how timely. I’m having dinner with my mom and sister on Easter Sunday. I’m the oldest, my sister is in the middle and my baby brother who was healed from a heart condition, is the fave. I’m family first, but because I have not lead a perfect life, I’m treated accordingly. Mom and sis talk behind my back, though I literally got my sis a job(after she failed employment test). Mom never gave me credit for getting her a job and says “it was God”. My sis never talks in my presence; she’s single and brainwashed by my mom, who also has interfered in my relationships. Mom claims my girlfriends don’t like her(tricky way of saying you don’t like someone).
I think for myself, have my own money, worked for 45 years steady, home, etc. i am the black sheep though.

Narcissistic mom is tough to deal with.

[rypoelk]

This page really helped me feel less guilty about creating distance between my toxic family system and myself. My sister, the golden child, would accuse me of "betraying my family" or "abandoning" them when I moved out of the house and into a city hundreds of miles away. She would scold me on this with very dramatic language and tone, of course. She also blamed me that we don't have a close "normal" sibling relationship. Having been the scapegoat for years to malignant narcissists as a child, I feel so relieved and free as an adult. I'm now proud of myself, rather than ashamed, for being able to create this distance. Because of this channel, I feel blessed for making out of it alive. Now I feel like a survivor more than an ungrateful brat for getting out. As you said in another video, the scapegoat's hardest years in life were often the ones as a child. Unfortunately, after I got out into the world, I also got caught up in an abusive cult for many years. Now though, life feels so much more peaceful being aware of these dynamics and with less narcissistic abuse in my life. When I go for my mindfulness walks, life feels so much nicer. Everything seems so much less stressful. For the first time, I'm starting to feel peace in my life. I'm less hard on myself, less emotionally dysregulated, less irritable, less impulsive, less tense, have stronger boundaries, more self-confident. I drink much less and most of my social media is also deactivated now, and that also has had immediate effects as well. Thank you.

[zachpoffenbarger]

I have 5 other siblings. 1 younger and 4 older. I’m 20 and the oldest is 41. I was the truth teller in the family, and my elder siblings gaslighted me in a way, and invalidated my feelings about our abusive father. They said I was too sensitive and stubborn. My mom thankfully divorced my father 2 years ago and it’s been much more peaceful. The thing I’m struggling with now is my siblings not acknowledging the abuse that I (and others) went through. They invite him to family events (my moms side) even tho my mom, younger brother, and I have all expressed out uncomfortableness with our abuser being there. They keep saying “can’t make everyone happy” “its something you have to deal with”. I stopped showing up to family events where he is invited to because of how uncomfortable I am with everyone unwilling to acknowledge the narcissism, and our narcissistic father himself. I’ve done all the expressing I can with them, and I still don’t feel heard at all. I want to never talk to them again because of their lack of understanding. It’s incredibly frustrating and it makes me sad I don’t get to see my nephew and nieces anymore.

[vermilliongecko]

These videos are such a comfort to those of us who have had to cope with narcissistic family members for years. I wish I had had access to this information 30 years ago! It's too late to get that time back, but we can all start from where we are.

[confusedwhynot]

I find it troubling when a parent favors one child over another. We should love all our children as the unique individuals that they are. I am troubled that my husband couldn't do that at all.

[leninnayak]

I think I am the scapegoat of my family. Everyone of my siblings also scapegoat me for every small thing that happens at home. My sexuality has become am easy excuse to target and pin me down. No matter what I do, no matter how much ever I sacrifice, they are not happy with that. I am always accused of being selfish, arrogant and self centred. I am reaching a point where I am starting to think that i should stop thinking about them all and start paying attention to myself and be mindful of what's best for me and my future. I think as time passes by i will end up cutting off all my siblings and parents and be on my own for my own sanity.

[sparkygump]

I got scapegoated when I wouldn't let our family's golden child bully me.

[Harloween]

I was the oldest and rhe scapegoat. I protected both my siblings (brother and golden child sister) from abuse and our moms wrath for years, only to have my sister side with our narc mom after she died and acted like it wasn't that bad. Recently went no contact with her and it hurt because she was like my "first kid".

[Amy-lyuq]

My brother is the favorite child. My dad is the narcissist and it was so bad that I would be punished for things my brother did wrong (because I was a bad role model). Today we are in our 40s and the dynamic is still there. My dad is leaving far more in his will to my brother, constantly buys things for him, got him a car when he got his license, has taken him on trips he paid for. When we were still kids my dad only went to my brother’s games and school functions. These are all things he did not do for me or my sister. I remember Christmases where the amount spent on gifts was so uneven it was very hurtful. If I pointed it out my dad would deny it and say I was being selfish. My sister and I were both physically abused while my brother was not. Today my brother is 40, unemployed, lives with his former therapist (who lost her license to practice due to their relationship), has severe depression and anxiety. His main source of income is mooching off my parents (who are divorced so it can become a contest who is helping him more). Being the favorite in a toxic family system did not really benefit him at all. He does not see that he’s the favorite and is mad at me and my sister for being very low contact with my dad. He thinks we should care more about him in his old age.

[ardent]

This guy isn’t the asshole at all, sounds like a great brother, Joe is very lucky to have him. I don’t know what he should do about Jill, but at least he’s honest and has good reason to take a step back from her.

[missb]

I didn’t know I needed to hear “it’s ok to have a preferred sibling” until you just said it and it brought me near tears! I had a very similar situation to the writer and acted like a parent to my youngest sibling whilst middle sibling was very spoilt golden child, who could do no wrong (in the parents eyes). I had to leave the family structure and had to leave younger sibling behind to heal myself. I have felt guilty every day since 😞
Thank you for all your intelligence, empathy and insight, your videos help me learn and understand and grow.

[lottaregrets]

When I was in the 5th or 6th grade my parents told me that I was their favorite child. I guess it was supposed to make me feel good, but it didn't. All I could think about after that was how hurt my siblings would be if they knew. I made a promise to myself that I would never repeat that to them. Now as adults, however, one of my siblings recently told me, not once but twice that our parents told him that he was their favorite. I'm guessing several years had passed since my parents said that to me and their preference had changed. (This sibling shows narcissistic traits, by the way.) Out of nowhere he just had to tell me this, in a boastful manner, no less, fully intending to make me feel bad. I didn't even respond. I just kept my mouth shut. Parents, don't tell your children if you have a favorite. They can use it as a weapon against each other.

[cinnabun]

When two of my favorite things come together so perfectly! I love these AITA analysis videos

[queensavage]

The Scapegoat has entered the chat. The timing of this is the universe telling me to be still. I am estranged from the majority of my family. My younger (by 10 years) GC sister is the only one that I have actively tried to be involved with because I still feel familial love for her and of course my nephew. She is still under our NMoms thumb and her husband is a narc as well. Everytime we get closer one of them interrupt it to keep her from having a truth teller in her life. She recently after months of sudden quarterly silent treatment texted me. I am approaching it differently this time and not engaging, catching her up on my life or goals....or getting my hopes up. She seems to be talking the hint that I will not be involved with her flying monkey behavior any longer and has gone silent again. *Sigh* It's so hard and lonely. But I don't feel crazy anymore, now that I'm not letting anyone infect me. My mother has always favored this sister, being the only planned child and one who is living the life she wish she had. While I am being labeled the crazy rebellious/unstable one and something is wrong with me.... because I am traveling, working, no kids, and free. I have always been the "mom" in the background with no credit. No more. Until they see me for me, no more.

[lukebrindax]

You can see how saddened and touched Doctor Ramani is at 1:15 when she talks about the brother getting his friend to come with him to support his little brother. What a good older brother.