The Fantasyland of an Affair

Have you ever felt like your spouse was living in fantasyland? It’s like they’re unreasonable, totally deceived, and locked in what feels like irrational opinions. Please keep in mind that I’m speaking to both spouses here. Many ask my team and me, “Is there a way out? Is there any way back to us?” I absolutely believe there is a way back. Come with me today, as I believe you’ll finally find a way through it all.

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HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[VidaElementarySchool]

Everything he said he was exactly correct! It is a fantasy land you share nothing with your affair partner you dont share kids or bills or real life with them only fake hopes and dreams. It took me a long time to realize this and that I hurt a ton of people mostly my wife and my 3 daughters. So if you are having an affair or thinking about one know this its not real life. If you are truly unhappy tell your spouse and see if you can fix it or get help to walk through your problems before they snowball into bigger problems.

[hdw]

This! This is where my resentment lies.
He got the fanasty. He got to feel desired, a sex god. and he made them feel the same way.
And I was left slogging it out in the reality of kids, work, stress, weight gain, not enough time and too tired when we had time.
He got all the glory and now gets to go on, no consequences. Still has marriage, still has family, still has everything and all those hot memories.
And I'm left as roadkill, in 1000x worse mental and emotional state then before.

[grumpycheerleader]

“In reality though, they’re controlling their mate by robbing them of the necessary information to make an informed decision.”

[el]

My home is permanently closed for my lying, cheating, and soon to be ex-husband! He made a choice so he gets to live with his actions and consequences. I deserve better and moving on with a better marriage down in the future. The future is bright!!!

[hanamimi]

My husband cheated on me and he married his mistress after years off cheating on me. I hope he is unhappy with her !

[musclechic]

This really hits it on the head. The one statement that resonates most for me is their willingness to jeopardize everything they've built in life for that momentary pleasure....which is more fantasy than reality.

[wizardofahhhs]

My wife told me that even when she was with her AP she just wanted to be home with her family. Until now that didn't make any sense to me because if she wanted to be home with her family, she would have been. I guess it's not so cut-and- dried as what I thought. It's like the old saying " You don't miss it until it's gone."

[uraeldvinciboy]

I beleive this Fantasyland in reality is called " Limerence "

[cynthiajones]

I've watched dozens of these videos and yours is way and above all the rest. Really excellent. And the comments are so honest. They've really helped me. Thank you.

[LoveNLIL]

And yet they are willing to destroy everything throughout a long path. They are in an insane mode that effects the lives of their family.

[outofdette]

I love this. Metaphors are a wonderful way to visualise. Thank you Wayne. Your last couple of series have been fantastic on trying to understand the tornado my life has been the past year.

[victoriagrow]

I love the connection with the wizard of oz!

[sds]

Whatever you saying is 100% true, I am betrayed and understand the things clearly but don’t want to go back with the bitter past, I move forward

[Uniqueone]

The "trying get home" reference in this video is priceless. Love this correlation with the wizard of oz.

[sunshinegirl]

The wizard of oz connection was great!!!! Before clicking on this video, i was totally flooding and SO needed this!!!

[Paras]

Such a great video -- thank you for putting together. I shared on our EMSO wall as it directly applies to where many of us in that group are at.

[dougmills]

100% truth! Please PLEASE talk too your spouse before you choose too have an affair! I'm paying the price right now for not communicating with my wife. Communicating is the key too save you from an affair!

[alixhice]

Brilliant Wizard of Oz analogy... Brain, Heart, and Courage.

[ClarkVincent]

Thank God for these videos! I've been helped immensely 😢 Please keep up the good work.

[nurseshani]

What about when everything IS actually shared with the AP, they had a love child, deal with financial matters including starting little companies together founded on their mutual hobbies. Only talks to AP about everything work life fears past present future and gets her opinion on any major or minor life decision. What happens when the AP becomes the one with all his intimacy and becomes his best friend and they treat each other like any other couple only they’re not married. A literal second life. Not all affairs are what people think. Some become something much stronger and go way beyond hooking up. Many deal with reality and not just within a fantasyland like we want to believe. We want to comfort ourselves saying it’s not “real” it’s just a fun little fantasy but unfortunately that’s not always the case. Wrong yes but sometimes to everyone’s surprise they just happened to find another person they were more compatible with. And wrestled with staying because of your vow over this person they had an unexpected deep connection with. Sometimes it stings to think of it that way because it brings feelings of rejection and a deeper loss somehow but sometimes some people just shouldn’t be married anymore, some people just really aren’t compatible anymore because we change and evolve and don’t always evolve together and we want to cling to a nostalgic past that’s long gone and not face that there is actually a better person for them out there. Sneaking around though and handling it likely cowardly turd instead of just divorcing first rather than cause such turmoil for everyone would have been better. But some are so fearful of change and of their spouses. They’re so afraid of losing all they worked for financially their whole life, afraid losing their good reputations with family friends in-laws and in their careers they find it difficult to come clean because who wants to be hated and broke? So they continue on and out of fear say nothing, inevitably making everyone miserable in the long run. Many are short lived little fantasylands sure but not all of them. If an affair lasts more than 5 years then there’s likely much more to it.