Why Did They Choose the Affair Partner?

It’s a common question I hear from the betrayed spouse every day, “Why on earth did my spouse choose them to have an affair with? It just makes no sense, Rick!” Sometimes it just doesn’t. The person our spouse chooses to have an affair with can be mind-boggling. It can leave you at a significant loss of understanding as to why they chose who they chose. Rest assured though, there are reasons and helpful tools to understand their choice in an affair partner. While these answers may not solve all your problems in recovery, it can certainly provide insight and explanation into what feels like a sea of confusion.

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HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[CarolDudeck-blkz]

I’m divorced now from my ex husband and I have moved on I won’t “TOLERATE” cheating! I deserve so much more!🌹

[AL_FARID_]

That pesky 20% 😞
The devil is REAL my friends
Don’t fall trap to the distractions

[jeanlilianlee]

I think an affair is much harder for a man to end when the AP has her own life and doesn't want the whole package. She's happy to have an affair and doesn't want marriage. Those kinds of affairs last longer and the man is kept interested because of her independence and he is kept worrying how to keep her interested in him. The wife has little to compete with there as she is predictable, her life is her family and him. I think women should keep their independence in marriage and their own interests and not give their entire lives to their partner. This helps in either scenario: 1. It keeps you interesting and your spouse doesn't see you as part of the furniture. 2. If you find he's cheated, at least your eggs are 'ot all in his basket and you don't feel your entire world has ended because of his affair. You can't be everything to one person. Don't make one person your everything.

[kareno]

What if the spouse is the one that is chasing the other person? The affair partner? It’s not always the other person. I’ve been hit on and chased by married men. I DO NOT give into them. But he makes it sound like the other person is chasing the married person.

[larrybwoy]

Thank you. This is my 3rd day after finding out my wife has another relationship and I simply feel like I'm dying, searching for answers everywhere. We are separated now and I am taking my time to wrap my head around it, trying to calm down and make the most mature and rational decision; but these feelings of sheer pain are new to me, I do not know how to deal with this. Your words bear so much wisdom. Thank you.

[joycemiller]

You are so right in naming the places an affair can start. However; you left out Alcoholics Anonymous. I am shocked at the number of married AA members who "hook-up". They start as "just friends", then move to texting/talking on the phone, then lunch, and then either an Emotional Affair or a Physical Affair. I have witness this occurring.

[sonia]

Sadly you don’t even have to be looking to find someone who is offering to do something inappropriate.

[dcampbell]

Starting counseling tomorrow. Wife cheated after 10yrs of marriage. Triggered by her mom suddenly passing. I filed for divorce so it’s pending but there’s no remorse. Tried biblical counseling but I think my wife is going mental. Gonna try the therapy but I think I just wanna end the marriage. I’m so hit and in so much pain. It’s been 6 months and after many times of claims of wanting to stop the affair she keeps going back. I can’t take this abuse any longer. I’ve been to the hospital twice so far for stress with multiple anxiety attacks. Lord help me, save me from this pain

[joannthornton]

Then why get married in the first place??? If I could start my life over again, I would have never got married! Just get a good career and have fun !!!

[jdrumzify]

The last one...mid life crisis! 2 months ago my wife of 18 yrs suddenly said she hasn't been happy for a long time and wanted to have a trial separation...called me controlling, said we aren't compatible, and that she hasn't been able to be herself. We hadn't actually gone through with the separation yet but a month ago I found out she met a guy 10 yrs younger than her, total lowlife who has 4000 Facebook friends, most of whom literally look like strippers. She has lied so much about so many things since then and gets angry at me for "snooping". She claims she cares about this person and really enjoys talking to him. I also found $1500 receipt for lip injection filler and $150 for eyelash extensions. I am planning on moving ahead with divorce because I don't think I can ever trust her again. And she shows no remorse

[jaysteele]

Thank you for this video, my wife was lonely as I was out a lot so decided to start posting tik tok videos for attention, of course it wasn't long before someone came along and gave her that attention. It was going on for about a month before I found out. She decided she loved him after such a short time and chose him over me. We were together for 18 years and have a great house, comfortable life and 2 beautiful children. It's so hard to understand why she would throw it all away for someone who lives 2 hours away and she'd known for a month. We never even tried to fix us. The pain is unbearable and we still currently live together so I have to sit there and watch her messaging him all the time, disappearing for hours to talk to him or even meet him. The part about him saying all the right things at the right time definitely feels like how he hooked her. I know she's to blame for looking and getting herself involved. It's getting easier with time but even after everything she's done to me and our family I still love who she was before. I hope when we sell the house and go our separate ways I can really get over her and start to heal

[kristidin]

This is so dead on to my wife's motivations. I've called all of this!

[gatchcat]

Thank you for this video. Even though it hurts to hear some of the things that I went through, it reassures me some of the reasons why my husband cheated on me. This I believe is a part of the healing process to come face to face with the situation at hand. I have Jesus Christ as my Rock and Fortress, He will get us through it.

[kellyg]

I would also have chosen not to marry…. So many reasons to NOT be married.

[dominickblanco]

Thank you for this explanation! It was important to me to understand why my husband betrayed me and choose the other person over me

[gerritjebolle]

What about the married man or woman chasing the affair partner? Lying about there marriage

[paulfesler]

We've only been married 5 years and I've given her an incredible amount of security. She is walking away from the marriage and refuses to have any conversations with me and the last 6 months.

[thomasperkins]

My wife presented me with a divorce in June. Started to date the guy she cheated on me with before in July. She cheated on me 5 years ago. I only just found out this month she started dated this person. I've been needing answers and its been killing me not knowing "Why?".

[kathystearns]

What makes it heart breaking with ur partner chooses a supposed best friend as the AP, there for tearing down every safety I 🤔 thought I had

[scvy]

My UfS chose her because she was easy to talk to….I’m not easy to talk to I guess