What Is Your Partner Really Thinking?

In relationships, whatever our professed scepticism, we frequently proceed as if mind reading were not only possible but a standard requirement and possibility in love, something of whose absence we would have every right to complain with bitterness and surprise.

FURTHER READING

“Of course, most of us don’t officially have the slightest belief in mind reading. We scoff at the absurd idea that we might telepathically know what number between one and a million a stranger is thinking of, or that we could place our hands on someone else’s skull and thereby intuit the precise details of what they dreamt of last night. But in relationships, whatever our professed scepticism, we very frequently proceed as if mind reading were not only possible but a standard requirement and possibility in love, something of whose absence we would have every right to complain with bitterness and surprise…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Julia Marchowska

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[trinaq]

It always helps to communicate your wants and needs to your partner upfront, since it will enable them to get to know you better.

[mattbow_]

In the early stages, when our partner assumes something about us, we say yes and agree with them - because we want them to like us. Later in the relationship, we assume that because they correctly guessed how we felt in the early stages of the relationship (though we were really just agreeing with them), we assume that they should be able to understand us now, 6/12/18 months later - the only difference now is that we aren't trying to be liked, we're trying to show them who we really are. And we aren't just going to agree with them like we used it. We're going to be honest, and we feel we have the trust and space to be honest now because we aren't trying to impress them anymore.

The reality is, we should have been honest from the start. And we shouldn't be worried about people running away from us, because any true partner isn't going to be afraid of who you really are.

[kindabluu]

God this is so real. Bottom line: ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED PPL

It’s uncomfortable at first but once you get in the habit you will avoid so many bs fights and actually get the things you need to be happy 🙂

[mindfulnesswithmatt]

Don't assume, ask questions and communicate. No matter how intuitive and "empath" someone is, that will never replace actually talking things out

[ThisIsMyFullName]

It's just as important to be curious about your partners feelings, as it is to speak of your own. The phrase "can we sit down and talk for a minute?" can be an invitation to allow your partner to open up, to give each other a moment to listen without any distractions.

[Nature_guurrll]

Communication is key. It’s too bad most of us are psychologically damaged and therefore extremely guarded.

[TheAleatoriorandom]

I really hate that situation when some or both expects the other to basically be a mind reader. Specially when the 2 people actually care about each other. It so easily devolves into always being on your guard and both people not getting what they need and instead hurting each other while they try to do well, but fail due to insufficient or confusing comunication.

[nicolaiqbal]

I think there is another issue that can underpin this.
That sometimes you know deep down that if you told someone your needs they would just ignore this.
Or tell you you are being oversensitive, too needy, too demanding and to get over it etc.
So, easier not to tell/ask. Rather than face up to the fact that they do know your feelings, at least to some extent ....they know, but they just don't care, as long as their needs are being met.

[anonymousnation]

Mind reading is limited only to materialistic choices or every day habits that are learned after living together for several months. Ability to read the mood or emotional state accurately everytime is too much to expect.

[azca.]

1:49 this animation loop 🤣🤣
3:19 had me on the floor crying 😂

Props to these animators

[Josephiene]

I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. I discovered that I am indeed not a mind reader and can’t know what others are thinking about.

[dad]

What an excellent video.
The concrete real life examples were most striking.
Somebody put lots of thought into this.
It's so true.

[CrowMagnum]

What if instead we get annoyed when our partners believe they know what we are thinking or the motives behind our behaviour. The expectation in this case not being that our minds should be readable, but rather that we wish our partners didn't confuse the map they have of us in their minds for the territory of our genuine and nuanced human existence.

[JoshMarshain]

If you cannot communicate your emotions and hang ups to your partner in a healthy way that doesn't take the form of an attack then I question how ready you are for lasting love.

[foxtrot.uniform.charlie.ki]

It feels obvious that this should be learned as a child - to communicate your wants and needs yet people seem oblivious to the fact that basic communication is always necessary. Also, that having want and needs does not mean you get to have them fulfilled - only through compromise can a relationship flourish.

[drewhughes]

Ruined a 3 year relationship doing everything highlighted here. At least I know now, so I do not make the same mistakes next time

[javadafsharirad]

The narrators' style and voice impedes a deeper comprehension

[aaminakhurram]

This is so good! If you truly wish to make it work, communicate, communicate, communicate!

[revi]

amazing. just had an argument with my girlfriend about not knowing what I should immediately know. just like that mind-reading stuff

[tinyncute]

Also always asking questions and always getting to know your loved ones. We're always growing, learning new things and liking new things💕