How To Start A Men's Group—And Why Most Fail

Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity

If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one.

Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group
(00:08:16) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure
(00:10:02) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability
(00:12:55) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness
(00:14:19) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement
(00:17:37) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moderation
(00:20:24) - Willingness to say (and hear) hard stuff, transparency, and confronting the uncomfortable
(00:22:51) - An example meeting structure that works
(00:27:34) - The Hot Seat and how to use it, and a closing ritual
(00:31:11) - Be flexible to red alerts, and final thoughts on structure

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[authenticshift]

This is a real gem. A big thank you from a brother in New Zealand.

[andyl.]

I am beginning a mens spirituality and growth group next month and found this video to be extremely helpful. Thank you for being so based and articulate!

[bubindia]

I am facilitating a brand new group tonight, this was very helpful, thank you
I am missing a bit on how the interaction goes, what does the moderator do, are you using talking stick, are you doing a round when somebody is in hot seat and finishes speaking?

[drewjames]

Conner, I value your message highly!
From your experienced expertise, would you agree that “in-person” meetings are far more effective & beneficial than over Zoom? Does the alliance provide opportunities for men to meet in person?

[ganjagangja]

You should define a men's group. I love the idea of it, but don't know what they do and how they work to be honest. All I understand at this stage (start of your vid) is that it's about growth, support and development of eah other as men.