Why Change Is So Scary — and How to Unlock Its Potential | Maya Shankar | TED

Unexpected change like an accident, an illness or a relationship that suddenly ends is inevitable -- and disorienting. With a heartfelt and optimistic take on life's curveballs, cognitive scientist Maya Shankar shares how these challenging moments can inspire transformation, offering three questions to ask when facing uncertainty, so you can let go of rigidity and embrace change.

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[abdirahmanshariff]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:

00:04 Unexpected change happens to everyone, and it can be challenging to deal with.
01:35 Change is scary because of uncertainty and the sense of loss it brings.
02:38 Unexpected change can lead to personal growth and transformation.
05:24 Ask yourself how the change can change what you are capable of.
08:41 Reflect on how the change can change your values and perspective on life.
10:58 Reevaluate and redefine yourself based on what truly inspires and energizes you.
11:59 Embrace unexpected changes as opportunities for personal growth and expansion.

[hamyle]

I've been through all three questions, and I confirm it's really a life-changing experience. For many years, I have sticked my identity with relationships and career. Then when these targets went wrong, I feel like I lost my identity. Until I learned that both relationship and career are just the way I define my capability, and it gets me anxious all the time. Obviously, not people or career hold me back. It is low self-esteem that takes my confidence away. By challenging my identity, I find out the true "why". Now I focus more on what I'm capable of, rather than let outer factors define myself.

[abdirizakmohamed]

change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous in the end.

[svmuscle]

I think the last question hit me the most, when I get anxious or frustrated trying to do something new, instead of thinking about myself as a failure, or just not being good enough, I should focus on what it is that actually brings me enjoyment in pursuing this.

[jaceshaffer]

That bit about closure hit hard. A person can become consumed trying to get it even when you know it won't ever happen

[mastersinmenopause]

Such a beautiful TEDtalk! Growth can be hard, but I am here for it!

[riadihusaini]

(00:04) Introduction: The Violin and Childhood Dreams
(01:14) Change: The Scary and Uncertain Journey
(03:35) Question 1: How Might This Change What You're Capable Of?
(07:07) Question 2: How Might This Change What You Value?
(10:16) Question 3: How Might This Change How You Define Yourself?
(12:37) Facing New Challenges and Embracing Change
(13:07) Conclusion: Finding Freedom in Possibility

[hectorl.campos]

🕯🕯🕯 This has to be one of the most sharply, smart, mindful and heartwarming talks of the past 12 months – what a beautiful human being, and what an honest and illuminating presentation. Thank you Maya, and many blessings on the journeys ahead 🍁 LCA

[karthikeyanbalamurugesan]

She nailed about the few changes she faced in her life. Change is inevitable and always we’ve to find a way to navigate into right direction

[hongnguyen-jlgw]

I was stuck in overthinking. But, with this lesson, I will try to change, change, change myself to fit my dream

[carmelinaroig]

Thank you for this awesome video. I am/was a violinist as a kid and your story resonated with me too. Perlman was my example and very impressive that you took private classes with him. I've struggled myself with all these changes and theorically speaking the only constant is change but how we navigate through it and the definitions and the way we talk to ourselves about what is happening is really important. You will be a mom, I'm sure. Maybe not as the society rules a mom should look like or the exact experience but as you mentioned motherhood developed or translated into the many projects and endevours you are pursuing in the present moment. Thank you and all the love to you.

[rahulranjan]

What a wonderful talk! I myself have faced what she termed as "Identity Paralysis". At the time I thought it was a curse. But it was a blessing. BC of it I found my core desire behind my temporal desires that defined me. It reminded me of a book called the Dark Horse by Todd Rose where he talked about *Knowing Your Micro-Motives* —figure out what uniquely makes you tick!

But you can only find it out if you focus beyond what society deems worthy to be valued. If you find that the simple fact of styling your hair in a certain way or living in nature makes you tick, then you have to find a way to make a lifestyle that revolves around these personal elements. It can't be just society's pre made field : like I want to be a doctor.

There's more to you than this.

[lulgqgk]

Actually, I underwent unexpected change you cited. I've had no idea what to do and how to do. Today, as usual, I watched Ted. For me, this video is the one that will change my life in a different way. I recieved invaluable things. I WILL keep in mind these lessons that I learned thanks to this video, changes change what I'm capable of, what I value and how I define myself. Thank you.

[sabamousavi]

I always abstain changes. but recently, I found that without changing, there isn't any growth.

[jobsandy]

I totally agree with it, sometimes changes push ourselves forward

[ddvantandar-kwkl]

To what extent you can contribute in people life and cherish their journey makes a big difference

[siamarafiq]

Love that Maya shared what she is currently going through at the end. So brave.

[mitchellwilliams-bgmf]

I met Maya years ago in Cincinnati, and I’m inspired by how she was able to figure things out!

[ValentinGao]

This video was great, one particular thing that resonated with me was how our pursuits do not define who we are but rather why we do it could be. Have blessed and wonderful day.

[billfish]

I suggest one should accept and resolve the change, move on, and never look back, but forward to new challenges and opportunities.