Are My Girlfriend’s Male Friendships Inappropriate?

Are My Girlfriend’s Male Friendships Inappropriate?

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[manuelestevez]

She could be platonic all day but when she has an issue with her boyfriend, the first person she’ll go to is one of the guys. And to think the guys aren’t waiting for that opportunity is naive. They are playing the long game

[treybodkin]

When my fiancé and I started dating, I had an issue with a male friend of hers. She had been intimate with him at some point and promised me that it wasn’t like that anymore. We did sit down and talk and I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the situation due to the previous past and she cut him out. She respected my discomfort with the situation and made the change. If there hadn’t been a past then I probably wouldn’t have had a problem with it. This October makes 5 years and our relationship has grown so very strong over that time with not only comfort but trust. The BEST thing to do in a relationship is to discuss boundaries early on.

[jer]

The older I get, the more I see that male and female friendships dont work, at least not close friendships.

[kimberlysmith]

Caller..You don't trust her or you wouldn't be calling. You're looking for someone to tell you it's ok to walk away. Any dating relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable is not a relationship worth pursuing. The purpose of dating is for two people to evaluate one another's suitability as a long term companion or spouse. She may not be "the one" for you.

[scaredpaul]

Caller...if you breakup with her in one week she will be in relationship with one of those guys. Not because she suddenly fall in love, but because she always was in love...if woman have male friends something is cooking

[supahdupah]

One of my buddy's gave me some good advice about this. If you go to the barbershop and hang out there every day, sooner or later you're gonna get a haircut.

[suttonfarms]

Love this advice. Some people find it acceptable, some don't. Date in the pool you're most comfortable with and don't fight it. Too many therapists advise just to 'get over it' or says you're 'controlling'. It's just a difference. Let everyone have their own peace and walk away from situations that aren't right.

[moments]

As a women I don’t think its appropriate to keep close male friends if you have a boyfriend or spouse

[emilywoollett]

As a female who is in a serious relationship, pursuing marriage- I do not have time for male friends. There comes a time where you grow up, start taking life seriously, and want to settle down. If it's a friend/acquaintance to both of us? Yes, that's fine, but only if my partner is also present. You will never see me out here texting, calling, and hanging out alone with males cuz they're "just friends" Completely classless in my humble opinion. But that's just me🤷‍♀️

[chucknv]

As a guy, almost every guy I’ve ever met will attempt to sleep with women who give them extended attention. They may pretend otherwise or even stay in the friend zone for years, but guys talk guy stuff while alone and this is just the truth.

There are some exceptions of course, but if your significant other is routinely hanging out with single people of the opposite sex then like John said “you are playing with fire”. Her current friends might be fine, but this sets the standard for the future chad to weasel his way in and do his thing. John hit the nail on the head.

[theluckienurse]

I’ve been cheated on, a couple of times, with an ex and his female friends. So it became my own personal boundary to only the men who didn’t have any close female friends.

It’s not healthy to tell somebody what to do, or to ask that they distance themselves from their friends or people that they love… your partner will resent you, and you will feel like a bad person for wanting some thing totally normal to you. You have to remove yourself from the situation, and then moving forward, look for people who fit that criteria. In this case, it would be to find a women who doesn’t have close male friends.

[rol]

If your spouse dont care enough about what makes you sad she doesnt really love you

[spencer]

There are boundaries within relationships and it’s important you discuss early on. I’m guessing he’s known this about her and he’s felt this way about those friendships since the beginning. It won’t go away..

[Danny-sxcj]

Great call and I appreciate the advice Dr. John. Great to set boundaries

[super]

John’s advice here is spot on. I agree 100%.

[Kurodarkness]

Reminds me of a previous call on the show where girlfriend called in saying her boyfriend doesn't like that she only has guy friends that she hangs out with and what she should do about it.

[darrylwalls]

If you break up with her then you’ll see if the other friends were just wanting a chance with her .

[thecommonsensecapricorn]

I don’t get why people are so desperate to hold onto relationships that they’ll disregard their boundaries or allow the other person to behave in ways they don’t like. There’s so many fish in the sea. A guy with a lot of female friends that he regularly hangs out with would be a dealbreaker to me. But you would find that out early on and it’d be easy to divert from anyways. I’m already more attracted to men with a solid male friend group. The kind of guys I’m attracted to don’t have close female friendships. I’m a very feminine woman and all my close friendships are female. I’m attracted to very masculine men and so their close friendships are other men. I let my male friends know that if I get into a relationship, our friendship will end, in the way that I’ll be friendly but won’t go out of my way to converse with them or hang with them.

[terriesmith]

"she said he's just a friend, either he is or he ain't your man"- fifty cents.

[NeccoWecco]

Partners are not property. Dr. John's advice was great here