How to Make Love Last Forever

When relationships start, enthusiasm for our partners is typically natural and intense. We think of them constantly, we want only to spend more time in their company, we delight in their many skills and accomplishments: but this early phase of powerful admiration and longing rarely lasts.
The world often explains this cooling as an inevitable result of sheer exposure. It is, they say, typical to neglect what is always around. But the true reasons seem more complicated, more psychologically rich and, in their own way, a lot more hopeful.

FURTHER READING

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Deanca Rensyta

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Graeme Probert

[bettyboohadapoo]

I'd like to confess a small sorrow that took me 23 years to fully accept, that my partner is not telepathic.

[FithriyaaniRashidi]

Summary:
Honest is a love preserving mechanism - by regularly voicing our small sorrows and our minor irritations . Nothing is too small or too big to be discussed in a relationship. Make a relationship safe to voice out concerns without relating it as a big issue or not. Spend time with your partner understanding.
To preserve love is to also reduce resentment. ❤

[rhysiieboii]

Told my partner at the start of our relationship: 'whenever you have a problem with something, I want you to ALWAYS talk to me about it, no matter what'. She does, and so do I. We haven't had one major fight or disagreement so far, 2 years in. Which is incredible for her because she constantly clashed with every other ex she's had. We give each other time to talk about things and never shut each other down. If one of us has a problem, we both prioritise fixing that problem. We haven't given hate or resentment a chance to fester and it's working damn well.

[jerrykoh]

Why I love school of life because they are so on point and touch on everything we all feel but struggle to articulate.

[niaselah]

These videos are so validating. I realize what I wanted was healthy just surrounded by people who insisted on unhealthy dynamics and shamed me for having thoughts, feelings or needs that were inconvenient to them

[SearchOfSelf]

We often forget that minor disappointments can accumulate and dampen love. On the contrary, when they are expressed honestly and constructively, they become love retention mechanisms that strengthen our bond 💟

[manifestationnation]

We need to be taught how to have these conversations with our loved ones in our society because they are so difficult. This video focuses on being able to talk about these things, but another important aspect is being able to HEAR these things from your partner and to respond appropriately. So much easier said than done, and it would help us all if we learned this from a young age, because the vast vast VAST majority of people don't ever learn them.

[Golden_Kelsi]

After watching this video, I instantly think about my partner and me. Then I called him to express my gratitude. He is a gentle soul who always treats me patiently and cares for my feelings. This means way more than wealth or power. Thank you my dear for walking into my life.

[OfftheChainz]

This video makes me cry. I had something bugging me about a friend, something she said sometime back. I finally got the chance to air it out this week and she was so responsive and empathic it felt so good. Really strengthened our friendship that conversation.

[winstonmccurley]

I have NEVER felt such a synchronicity in my life. I just got done having a long, LONG discussion with my new boyfriend about how I want us to be able to make each other uncomfortable in order for us to make it in the long-term. This video hit my thoughts ON THE MONEY.

[wafflebaffel]

Communication is the key. Well, I ended 3 years relationship because the other won't communicate anything and just put me in silence whenever stress strike him out. It's really sad for me, but thanks to this video, I'll learn it for my next relationship :) ❤

[jamessutton]

This skill took me so long to learn in my relationships, I've wondered why my wife and I don't fight or argue anymore - it's because we talk and voice our concerns immediately when we feel them now, rather than letting them bottle up inside

[tagarbakhtawar]

I used to have a monthly relationship checkin with my ex partner. That was the first time I was doing it in any relationship and I believe it really helped me not blaming myself for the things that eventually went wrong in our relationship. Communicate, folks. Ask questions. Listen. Take notes if you have to. Improve.

[CICBeautyTV]

This is a current problem I am having in my relationship the word complain is thrown around alot when I have a concern especially if its small. Im glad to hear this is normal on my part and should be addressed. Definitely Need to let my partner hear this thank you ❤

[Nico-PB]

It’s a good perspective, and I’ll add in that it’s key to voice those small irritable things in non-combative ways. Learning to hush the ego, specially those who are prone to getting rattled, can be the difference between moving forward together or simply pinning something on your partner.

Statements like “X happened and because X happened it made me feel this way” is very different than “you did this, you did that, you are this and you are that…”.

In my previous relationship I experienced the latter, and it made me feel like shit. That’s why that partner and I are no longer together. For a while I confused that partner’s openness with true intimacy. It wasn’t, it was ego and lack of delivery.

In my current relationship, I’ve met someone where we say “this happened and it made me feel this way” and then we openly talk about it without pinning things on each other. We are moving forward together.

To get to this point I had to break up, grieve, go to therapy, learn about attachment styles, and process what triggers me. Only then was I ready to go into a relationship again, and because of putting in the work, this one has open conversations like this video portrays.

[zereimu]

There is no such thing as falling out of love, it's just an excuse to not deal with issues, this was a very well made video, communication is a deep part of intimacy in every aspect, it can solve so many problems.

[nabeeltharani]

Heartbroken 2 months ago. I did my best, I was present, I checked on them through thick and thin, emotionally and physically available for them, yet they opted to choose somebody else..

Love hurts.

[Oldtimerider]

30 years married next month. Have been caught up in this very thing for at least the last dozen years.

[TrulyJP]

if you wanna make love last forever theres certain things you have to do. the first is to have realistic expectations and that means undertsanding everyone comes with pros and cons, and just cause someone else may not have the same set of cons doesnt mean that they are a better option. The second thing to do is to appreciate all the pros you do have. We tend to take things for granted and the things that were once nice gestures have become expectations. The third thing to do is to make sure you have equal compromise or equal sacrifices, you cant just make one party do everything you want. If you cant trust yourself or your partner to be fair you must implement fair rules you both agree to before arguments break out. It may not seem like it but failure to compromise which falls under communication is probably one of the biggest relationship killers. The last and final thing is to not get too comfortable in your relationship. The longer your with someone the less effort you tend to put in where as at the beginning stage of a relationship you do everyhting you can to impress that person. Over time dates become less frequent, you stop trying to look nice, you stop caring about what your partner might think or say. In the worst case scenarios the things your partnert might have loved you for you have completely stopped doing. Some people fall out of love and dont even know that this is the reason why. They are unable to trace it to a single event or anything specific that their partner is doing wrong because its about what they stopped doing. when your the person that feels soemthing is off in your relationship your job is to communicate that with you partner to give them a chance to fix the problem instead of letting yourself fall out of love.

[alinap]

If I could... I would give this video a million likes at least... very well done and put together... plus, this is the best advice that you can get in your life to make your relationship work ❤