A Deep Dive into the 'Enemies To Lovers' Trope

today we discuss the wonderful world of the enemies to lovers romance trope in which i give book recommendations, talk about why it's so popular and also go into the discourse on when it's problematic. The internet has been hyped around one my favourite tropes lately, so of course i had to make a video about it! Also, leave your video topic ideas down below, i would love to do more discussion videos/ video essays like this

timestamps:
00:00 intro
0:56 Subtypes of the trope
13:13 Why do we love it?
19:34 Why do people find it problematic?
28:28 Suspension of Disbelief
31:42 When it DOES get toxic

🌻 w a n n a s e e m o r e?

🌸 m y e t s y s h o p
I sell bookmarks, bookplates and art prints!

🌼 s o c i a l m e d i a
• twitter: @thebookleo
• instagram: @thebookleo

🌺 a b o u t m e
Hi! My name is Leonie and I am a 23 year old girl who loves talking about books! From YA to non-fiction to classics, I read it all (although fantasy will always be my fave). I live in the Netherlands and go to university, but make booktube videos in my spare time :)

🌹 m u s i c
• Music by Dj Quads
@aka-dj-quads
• Youtube Audio Library

[andrewannotates]

I just copied this from tumblr bc it’s GOLD.

I mean I say I love the enemies to lovers trope but what I really mean is that I love the “enemies to resentful allies in a time of crisis to grudging mutual respect to growing fondness concealed by snark to hurtful betrayal to slow reconciliation with a greater understanding of each other to strange but solid friendship to unexpected feelings to denying their feelings while growing closer as friends to epiphanies of love in the worst possible circumstances to mutual pining to unbearable sexual tension to lovers” trope

[notgarrosh]

I love enemies to lovers. But as a grown person, I know that it not real and I am not looking for a relationship like this in real life. That`s why I read fiction, not biographies. I want to read unrealistically romanticized trash.

[lucyswillow]

my only issue with enemies to lovers is when the writer makes it abused x abuser to lovers, luckily I don’t see it very often.

[didhitianam]

Another reason I think this trope's so popular cuz when someone's your enemy they are few of the rare people who see you at your worst---like, when you are mad and when you don't pretend to be likable with them cuz you don't care if they like you or not...from there, if someone can still grow to respect, love or desire you, that means it's a really authentic thing between you both which makes it more romantic.

[Casein_nitrat]

"Enemies to lovers" is great and all but for me personally "enemies/rivals to best friends" is where its at 😌

[JulianGreystoke]

I like me some enemies to lovers. The problem for me comes when it's not in character for an MC to look at the war criminal who murdered her family, burned her village, and destroyed her life, and she's like "but he's hot and he said he was sorry..."
Like, I gotta be able to believe she'd forgive his mass murdering ass.

[mariane]

My problem with even the "softer" or "less problematic" enemies to lovers stories, is that it goes into this whole idea that if boys are mean to you, it might be because they actually like you and suck at expressing/dealing with their feelings. (example: the hating game)

[leeanntan]

Pride & Prejudice is the only E2L Trope that I praise. How Jane Austen wrote Darcy & Elizabeth from start to end is just brilliant. Their characters have growth, have realistic human flaws, yet still lovable to the readers. We see the transition and change on how they let go of their first impression (their own pride and prejudice) to the other. It’s not forced… unlike most books that they just suddenly feel sexual tension, hence they forget they hate each other. I think Jane Austen is one of the authors who popularized this trope but not every author can replicate her genius. The setting, character arch, plot, and dialogue is the formula that makes a story fantastic.

[braveheartalice]

Personally, I prefer the enemies-to-friends-to-lovers trope. The relationship of the characters transitioning into friends after hating one another, and them growing their respect and admiration on a platonic level before realizing they have romantic feelings for the other is so satisfying. Adds a nice slowburn, and gives the characters a different lens to perceive their former enemy as someone better than they had initially thought and then as those perceptions grow, so do their romantic interests

[AnanasAbanaan]

Favorite type: one of them fully believes they are rivals/enemies while the other one has been in love all along (aka the untamed/mdzs). Bonus points if it's blatantly obvious to the reader

[elskabee]

I think being aroace it's easy for me to really enjoy "unrealistic" romance tropes like enemies to lovers. Like you were saying, a lot of people seek things that are pure fantasy in fiction that you wouldn't want to happen in real life. Like just because I'm aroace doesn't mean I can't enjoy romance in fiction, and just because I enjoy romance in fiction doesn't mean I'm seeking it in real life. No matter what your orientation or circumstance in life, just because you enjoy something in books doesn't mean you want it in real life

[SophieLents]

It's probably a very overused trope (and problematic in some ways, sure)... But I still love it so much and I'm not even ashamed 😂

[aaetriv]

enemies to FRIENDS to lovers is where it’s at

[jhouserwrites]

As a writer, I often analyze my characters' romance and ask myself those questions- "Is this a healthy relationship?" "Will people assume I'm saying this is ideal?" "Are they co-dependant?"

There comes a point that I have to remind myself that I'm not their therapist and I need to let the characters be themselves. They're not Mary and Gary Stues. They have flaws, so why shouldn't their relationship?

[mirasadie]

What I love about this trope is that as a reader/viewer we get to know the characters and their relationship as they get to know each other. I feel like this is always harder to do with something like friends to lovers because they usually have a past together that the reader/viewer wasn't a part of:)

[dorothea]

i just wanna say i adore those 'analysing' videos u make, they're so entertaining!!😌

[CarolCabrita]

As a fellow lover of this trope I highly appreciate that you put all the subtypes because some books people say "this is enemies to lovers" and I'm like "hummnnnn are they really???" LOL

[MsMvsc]

Rivals to lovers is much healthier and a better take on similar dynamics tbh. I also like the angst of lovers to enemies, but it’s a lot less common. And let’s not also forget about the underrated villain/villain pairings!

[circlinq]

I also think we have to stop holding literature up to the idea of the moral good. Fiction does not have to adhere to societal morals and ideals. It can and is allowed to be problematic and authors don't have to stop writing those stories because somebody thinks it will corrupt a teenager. That's what critical reading skills are for and authors are not responsible to make sure their readers have those. I'm saying this as a future language teacher because I'm sick of colleagues calling every book evil because a young person could get the wrong ideas. Teenagers aren't dumb. Adult romance readers aren't either. And sure, it's great to have books that are mindful of important things (e.g. "I'm not like other girls" trope) but I sure as hell didn't read bloody vampire books with 13 and thought "oh what a great day to spill some blood". I mean sure, some romance books contain actual abuse and it's being romanticized. THAT deserves a callout. I'm still convinced fiction is allowed to stay fiction and deserves to be separated from real life. Would I want an evil elf king to abduct me I real life? No. Would I want to read about an evil elf king abducting the MC and falling madly in love with her and vice versa? Yeah. If that makes you uncomfortable that 100% alright. I have my fair share of tropes I don't like. Just don't project your feelings as the universal truth onto others. Also my taste in fanfiction 👀? Luckily doesn't translate to what I like in real life lmao. But I am always up for discussion about this because it definitely isn't black or white.

That said, love your eyes, wow.

[rebeccaanderson]

When she said "rivals to lovers", my first thought was two people being rivals over the same love interest and just falling for each other instead.