How Do I Talk to My Wife About Her Weight?

How Do I Talk to My Wife About Her Weight?

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[lydiajackson]

Been married for 12 years. About 5 years into my marriage I gained about 50 lbs due to high stress with full time work and full time school. I wasn’t happy with myself and I knew for sure I was gaining weight. My husband always made me feel beautiful at my heaviest weight, but he was genuinely concerned for my health and told me that I should probably try to go walking and change my eating habits. I was pre diabetic and had high blood pressure. I lashed out and cried but I knew he was right. I didn’t make any real changes until 3 years later. I wanted to get healthy for myself. I changed my diet and started exercising. I lost 90 pounds and feel better than I did 10 years ago. I look younger going into age 40 than I did when I turned 30. It really is hard to hear any critique about weight, but being healthy is important.

[tbe]

People…40% of the US is obese. 70% of us are overweight. You CAN NOT blame all that on depression and medical issues.

[jennwilliams]

I was raised by my grandparents, my Pa was a WW2 vet. Growing up we all saw my grandpa try and get my grandma to decrease her junk food intake and eat better and go on walks with him. She said she’d enjoy what she wanted and die happy, she’d die anyway. Meanwhile, he’d walk 5 miles a day, didn’t drink it smoke etc... He went about it in a way we all thought was “mean” but honestly thinking back nothing he said was mean. But when she went mostly blind, had to have a partial amputation and then eventually died from complications from her diabetes at 68 (he was 79 at the time) we all saw a part of him die too. He was never the same. He had never been sick or unhealthy. Shortly thereafter his health declined. He died years later and we felt it was a broken heart that destroyed him. He loved her so much. He didn’t know how to say things right, but he tried his best. When she was gone he was lost, he expressed how he can’t believe she left him and he always thought he’d be gone before her. He was a broken man the rest of his days.

[lobi]

His wife sounds depressed to me. The lack of energy, weight gain, and no zest for life? It sounds like she's going through something. Let me finish listening though...

[madisonbujanovic]

Speaking as a wife that put on a lot of weight around the time I had our baby and has been working so hard to get it off, being overweight in and of itself makes you so tired and have no energy. The amount of energy you gain just by simply losing weight is amazing. There could be other problems here but that’s just my experience - the more weight I shed, the more energy I have, the less depressed I am

[ncdougherty]

We should normalize talking to our spouse about their health and habits. It's difficult to do this but if you are tactful and kind, there are ways to be encouraging versus telling them what to do....Also, use it as an opportunity to hang out together. I work out with my spouse 3-5 times a week. It's some of my favorite time we have together.

[tonygroves]

It took my husband awhile to understand what I needed. We had four kids in six years and I was running on empty. I'm also an introvert. After we went for counselling, he started offering that he would watch the kids so I could have alone time, a bath, a nap whatever. It improved our relationship a lot when he started taking care of my needs.

Dean needs to offer her help in a similar way.

[nekneversleep]

This is crazy because I remember a woman called with the same complaint about her husband and John called her brave . This man isn’t wrong for wanting a healthy spouse and a healthy sex life.

[jasonrodgers]

Once my beloved late wife & I got engaged (early 1980's), she put on a big bunch of weight. I wasn't happy about it, but could do nothing about it. I loved her just as much. A few decades later, the excess weight had caused a long list of health problems that eventually took her life at age 59 (6 years ago). I'm now alone, & will be for the rest of my life, when we could have had many more happy years together.

[enrgfilms]

The way this caller backed out but they still included his name and city 😂

[jessicasnyder]

I will say as a wife of 27 years.. I got very heavy..and my husband just made a mention of it. I was devastated.. and then I saw a picture of myself on vacation that same time frame. It motivated me to make a change. He wasn't mean about it, but I wasn't taking care of myself. We were young and at about 7 years into marriage.. I worked and he was a stay at home dad.. our sex life was lacking.. mainly because I hated the way I looked and felt.. we made it through! And we are able to communicate so much better now. He never told me I wasn't beautiful or he didn't love me. But he just made me see me. And I love him for that.

[supernova]

These stories blow my mind sometimes. I couldn’t have a relationship like this. Communication is EVERYTHING. My hubby and I have regular sessions where we just go through things and talk about whatever is going on with us. Sometimes it gets hard but that’s the point. A marriage is to be done together. Not just two separate people coexisting.

[hikerhobby]

Be careful judging people! I gained weight, come to find out I had a pre-cancerous GYN condition. I had a hysterectomy and lost ten pounds in the first week. I had to much estrogen creating my uterus to become thick and weight gain.

[overworked]

Let's go for a walk. Let me stay home with the kiddo so you can go exercise. Let's start eating less sugar. Let's start eating more protein and healthy fats. Let's connect at a deeper level. No matter what, I love you to the moon and back.

[GixxerRider]

It's mostly what you eat. When my girlfriend and I first got together, we were both quite overweight. Cutting out all processed food, alcohol, diet soda (my worst personal vice), and sweets, was the key for both of us. She lost 30 lbs in 6 months and inspired me to finally be a better version of myself and join her in developing healthier habits.

[Lauren-vdqe]

My hubby was almost 300 lbs and heres how I addressed that issue. I didnt directly speak about it, but I changed our meal content. Instead of making the main daily meal DINNER ie 6pm. I packed him a dinner type meal (bigger meal) for lunch, which he took to work. then for dinner ie 6pm I gave him a bowl of chunky soup and some fruit. I did NOT make anything else. as he was tired from work and i served him this on the couch while he was watching tv, he generally did not get up from the couch to get more food as everything was packed away, not readily attainable. but i DID make fruit READILY attainable, so he snacked on that. over 3 months he lost quite a bit of weight, 50 lbs! he was really pleased with it, then said to continue the soup dinners going forward as he was quite content with that. when we started to shop for jeans etc, he noticed he was fitting into slimmer jeans, trimmer shirts, and he started weighing himself every day almost. he was so pleased with himself! he does not go to the gym etc as work dominates his time but we continue this lunch main meal idea to this day! dinner is still soup or salad with meat.

[Jameson-dx]

People always say relationships are hard work, but rarely do they get specific as to what the work is. Maintaining your body for the sake of the relationship is part of that work, and so is motivating your partner. There are limits to motivating though, each partner has an obligation to respond.

[jillbartle]

My EX husband was emotionally abusive and was always on me about my weight! I worked hard at a full time job and took care of 3 children. I have health issues that cause me to gain weight, for example my thyroid stopped working. I would work so hard to lose weight but it was never good enough for him. He worked at a larger company. When we would go to company party, 8:56 He told me that “he wanted somebody on his arm that made everyone stop and look, and it wasn’t me!” One time I got a babysitter so I could meet him for a charitable event. When I got there he would not speak to me, turned his back on me, etc. his comment was, “you couldn’t possibly believe you looked good in that dress!” All his comments started popping in my head when I saw this. Hope you think these statements are as hurtful and absurd as I do!

[Holdeenio]

This is a good conversation. While weight and attractiveness may be a sensitive topic, it really needs to be ok and encouraged to talk about this. Making small changes before things get really bad are always easier to course correct.

[smitten]

My friend is dealing w weight issues. She is opening up about it and I’m there to support her in the changes she is gradually making. I love her and don’t want to lose her.