Change in birth plan, considering a C-section & revealing our secret | Ep. 16

We got some bad news from our doctor and now we might have to change our birth plan.

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Chapters:
00:00 - Episode 16
3:37 - I've become a clingy mom
5:56 - Our son had a medical emergency at birth
7:32 - We didn't have a birth plan
13:49 - Matt missed pregnancy appointments
17:02 - Giving and receiving criticism in marriage
20:30 - Receiving bad news from my doctor
24:39 - We may have to get a C-section
33:02 - Our fight last week
42:29 - Revealing our secret

#unplannedpodcast #mattandabby

[carolineorlando]

I’m a nurse and c-sections are major abdominal surgery and there can be complications to the mom and harder and longer to recover from. Doctors can be pushy towards c-sections, but I would just recommend doing your own research about both vaginal vs c-section birth.

[jordant]

I am a NICU nurse — they don’t put you all the way out in C sections because the anesthesia goes directly to the baby as well! They do it under emergency situations only, and those c sections are very rushed and “sloppy” to get the baby out as fast as possible. Typical c sections are calm, cool, and collected ❤️ I know God will guide you and your baby into whatever birth is meant to be. Happy for you all!!

[TheFeminineExperiencePodcast]

I’m a surgical tech in Labor and Delivery so I will say during a c section, especially a scheduled one, it’s a very calm situation. Also idk if this will make you feel better or not but we do not take your organs out of your body. There’s things you can do to still have a beautiful experience like having a clear drape to see your baby be born, have the doctor leave the cord long when they pass off the baby so Matt can still cut the cord. You can chose to have weights and measurements done later so you can be apart of them. A lot of hospitals will let you do skin to skin in the OR as long as everything is stable. You can take all the pictures you want. I would have a conversation with the nurse and make sure she knows everything you want to have done. We are very accommodating during a C-section!

Idk if you will see this comment if you do I hope this helps!!
congratulations on this baby! And whatever decision you make I promise you won’t regret once the baby comes out healthy and happy!

[hannahwatson]

As someone who has been dealing with infertility for over 3 years now, please don't feel shame for having a C-section. The fact that you are having a baby is a miracle, regardless of how he arrives! Much love from me to you all! ❤

[noeller]

Midwife from Switzerland here! There may be a bigger risk to have another shoulder dystocia with your second baby but the chances are still pretty small and therefore not an indication for a c-section where I work at. Also for making the decision of having a c-section you should also consider the potential long term health risk your son may have such as obesity, asthma, allergies, diabetes and many more that are in correlation with babies born during a planned c-section. This is due to the lack of contact with vaginal bacteria. I feel like nobody ever talks about that…
But anyways, there‘s always risk for a lot of things and all that matters in the end is that you feel good and informed about your decision and you and your baby are healthy! I‘m sure you‘ll find a way that suits you best! All the best!

[Cyan]

Abby I’m an NP, and previous nicu nurse. I’ve seen shoulder dystocia results from good and bad outcomes. I think your willingness to try to avoid that and do best for your baby is much respected. Whatever way your baby arrives, you are an amazing mama ❤

[StephanieSharesJesus]

My first labor and delivery was very difficult and my son also got stuck coming out. That made me nervous for the second time, but my second delivery went so smooth, it was such a blessing. I decided to get induced a week and a half early because the baby was already almost 9 pounds. She came out perfect. Praying the same happens for you.

[RelaxingMelodyForYou]

My first baby got their shoulder stuck too And it did not happen with the second baby at all! But surprisingly, my second baby was a boy and actually was smaller than my daughter. I think that played a big part. I had both unmedicated, natural, vaginal births. I wouldn’t let fear drive you to make that decision.

[cyndicopeland]

I’ll be honest, I had a c-section with my daughter when she got stuck after 4 hours of pushing… in postpartum I mourned having that experience of pushing my baby out and having that “golden hour” experience with my baby on my chest. Whereas my actual experience was being prepped for surgery after DAYS of labor and hours of pushing, not being able to hold my baby until after being cleaned and sewed up… it wasn’t what I was expecting. I think the hardest part was getting over my expectations of having a “natural” (vaginal) birth. I don’t know if she got stuck because of my bones or just because she was sunny-side-up or both but I just did not expect to see the operating room. I think there’s something to lowering your expectations and allowing it to just flow and be. My postpartum recovery was maybe more difficult than a typical c-section recovery experience because of the extensive laboring experience but I was up and walking and doing things by the end of the week. Whatever your experience ends up being, Abby, it’ll be beautiful because it’s your story❤️

[jule]

Hey everyone, German midwife here!
I want to make something clear concerning the shoulder dystocia and C-Section question:
A shoulder dystocia has got a lot of triggers. It is not a usual condition or normal birth complication. I have not once experienced a sd in my time as a Midwife, but I know how many moms have given birth in the US and I saw a lot of birthing videos on YouTube. - The biggest problem is the position you are put in during labour but mainly during delivery: 90% of the deliveries I saw were flat and horizontally, the mom was being forced in a supine position, had to bend her knees and push like mad. That is absolutely AWFUL! There is literally NO WORSE POSITION TO GIVE BIRTH IN. It has got incredibly many disadvantages, inducing a SHOULDER DYSTOCIA. Because the head is not born downwards with the help of gravity, but artificially forced upwards around your pelvic bones and coccyx, it is MUCH MORE LIKELY to slow down the birthing process, and also for the shoulders to get stuck. The probability increases even more when being told to push and being forced to do what the doctor says, instead of listening to your own body and pushing how and whenever you feel like doing so.
I really wonder why still so many women (in the US) give birth on their backs, when every study shows how counterproductive this position is...

The best option for PREVENTING a shoulder dystocia is this:
Do not deliver lying on your back! Stand up, squat, be on all fours, kneels, sit on a birthing stool or be in the Bath tub and deliver in the water!! Being upright has got tons of advantages for you and also for your baby, because most of the time when the baby's heartbeat drops, it is because of stress due to forced pushing that would not have been necessary.
There is no need to labour and deliver lying in bed. When a doctor or midwife tells you to do so, then boldly say "No" to them, because it is YOUR BIRTH and your decision.

Regarding the C-Section: if you want to and feel safer with scheduling this operation, then do so for your birth. That is absolutely okay 🙂 But from experience, and also because I know of the disadvantages of a C-Section (btw mostly for your baby! They can suffer from not being born vaginally short and long term!), I would NOT recommend choosing this option. You may say now "all the midwifes say the same..." but ask yourself: why would a midwife, who knows what she is talking about, always recommend a vaginal birth (except no other way is possible of course)? Because we know what a C-Section does to you and your baby and also what a natural birth goes along with. I would say natural is by far the better option.

Just remember to avoid the triggers of a shoulder dystocia. This means: no artificial labour hormones (pitocin or oxytocin), no forced pushing, no vacuum extraction, no one pushing onto your belly and of course no lying on your back.

I would also HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY RECOMMEND a birth outside of the hospital ❤ for a million reasons I have decided to stop working in a delivery ward and now I only want to assist at home births. It is, also out if my personal experience, the most beautiful, calm, gentle and self-determined birth experience you can have. Far more beautiful than any hospital birth I've ever witnessed. ❤❤

Greetings!

[thegreenbergfamily]

At 36 weeks pregnant my doctor told me to schedule a c-section as I had a breech baby. I started bawling immediately in the doctors office and didn’t stop for the next 2 weeks until my scheduled c-section at 38 weeks. I was terrified walking into the hospital that day. I walk in and the nurse questions my doctors assessment of a breech baby. Did a new ultrasound and he had turned to the right position. I was sent home that day to wait it out. 2 weeks later I delivered naturally. I evaded a c-section by getting a 2nd opinion. Keep doing your research m, things can and do change.

[janelledeveau]

I understand that feeling of” I failed because I didn’t have a vagina delivery “, but after speaking to my doctor after my c section, I am so thankful for modern medicine. Without that option, me or my baby would not have survived child birth. Their goal as docs is to make sure everyone gets through the process safely, however that looks. A vaginal and(possibly) a c section .. mama, you are a champion! Xo

[tynealhodges]

I am normally a secret watcher but the level of vulnerability here is unreal. Thank you for the humanness. 💖

[racheldeal]

You said your bones aren't going to change, BUT each pregnancy your bones can and do change. Your body releases something called Relaxin which loosens and relaxes your muscles, joints and ligaments during pregnancy to help your body stretch. So your bones literally can space out more than they did last pregnancy!

[shaired]

I love how open y’all are about the fighting it shows health

[promisedjubileedaniels]

I have 6 kids. My births have run the gammot from unassisted home birth to planned c-section, and I just wanted to say, a planned c-section can be very peaceful and beautiful. Your OB is right in saying you're the boss. When I had my first c-section I told my doc outright what I wanted. I wanted immediate chest-to chest, I wanted the measuring and testing to be done right there where I was and my baby to not go to the NICU unless there was an emergency. I wanted to save my placenta to plant a fruit tree with. I told every person that was going to be in the delivery with us what my expectations were, and they met every single one. Everyone was so quiet and respectful. Ask for what you want with your delivery. No harm in asking.

[KatyLouiseB]

I've had 3 planned c sections(due to my own health reasons. And honestly not a regret ever!
As long as your baby is happy and healthy it's worth every single second! And being awake and hearing the 1st cry is beautiful, they also don't put you to sleep as the baby then has anaesthesia too.

I have a friend who lost her daughter during delivery due to shoulder getting stuck. 😢

[oliviagangsterg]

Hey Abby and Matt! I am a midwife in Idaho, and just want to encourage you to look at your options and possibly talk with other providers such as a midwife or other OB's. C sections are a wonderful tool in emergency settings but a shoulder dystocia is not an indication for a c section and neither is a "big baby" as I have seen so far in my experience. Also shoulder dystocias are very common, many babies don't rotate as they should when they are descending which causes shoulder dystocias in many cases. Late ultrasounds that recognize a baby are typically not accurate because it is so difficult to size a baby in utero :) also mama's pelvis' stretch and maneuver from our relaxin hormones during labor and are built to birth these hefty babies out. You guys go with your gut and whatever fits you best, but don't settle right away because c section is a very severe surgery and is much more difficult in the long run then vaginal birth.

[BoldBama]

“Ignorance is bliss” was definitely my plan with my first baby. I’m expecting baby number 2 in October and while I am far less ignorant, I’m going in with a similar mindset. My birth plan is, whatever needs to happen to keep me and my son healthy, then that’s what we will do. I don’t care what avenue we
Take to get him here as, as long as he is taken care of.

[Anne-MarieBea]

You two are such a lifesaver honestly! I live alone & often struggle with my mental health. Ive been able to start cleaning my apartment whilst having your podcast as my company the past few days & Im just sooo thankful! Greetings from South Africa