9 Ways To Deal with Your Narcissist Mom

I recently did a video titled 8 signs your mom is a narcissist that really took off on here and also on TikTok. I'm coming here with a follow up video about how to heal from a narcissistic mother. Now much of this may also apply to a narcissistic father or any parent, but this video does have specifics from your relationship with your mother. Do you have a narcissistic mom or mother? What was that experience like and how has your healing been? The reality is having toxic or narcissistic parents can really impact us and we may experience childhood emotional neglect or abuse or so many other things from a toxic household. But specific to narcissistic parents or mothers, this can carry through into our adulthood and can harder to heal from or watch out for than other mental health illnesses from moms or mothers. Let's dive into the 8 ways to heal from narcissistic mom.

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[katkat]

I grieve the mother I deserved, not the mother that I got.

[Eve_la_dj_]

After having an encounter with her just yesterday after 2yrs of no contact I think best way to deal with her is going no contact completely.

[munkami]

Number 8 is so powerful - at some point we all have to have some form of crash or crisis that wakes us up to the reality of having an unhealthy and warped mother. On the surface, she is jolly, kind, attentive, but on the other she is envious, selfish, unconcerned with your welfare, and overly obsessed with her pain. We were not seen for who we were, we needed to be the children they wanted. And we can only put that act on for so long.

So yes we have to accept that she is the way she is and that we carry a void inside us that only we can resolve. This is tragic but emboldening - we can become wiser and stronger than they ever could.

[hearttalkscoach]

A wise person said "Boundaries are where I can still love you while loving myself." I love these tips and they're very much in line with staying grounded in our own sense of sovereignty and not just cutting people off!

[emilyfaith]

This video is so healing for me but the grief of my relationship with my mother is hard to bear..

[mrmaherani]

I love Katy and her advice. Interpreting a narcissist mom approval like a hung carrot you never get to was amazing.

[TheDWZemke]

Kati, bless you. You are addressing some dark stuff. I had a spiritual awakening a little year ago. Never felt love like that before. Good luck. Keep up the effort.

[ialarina]

24 years of enduring every kind of abuse...it’s taken up nearly my whole life. The hardest part is knowing that the person meant to protect me was the one who broke me. Healing feels like a distant hope that am relying on. I wish strength and recovery for you, for me, and for everyone out there dealing with the same thing.

I’m 30 now, taking medication and going through therapy, but I’m still trapped under the same roof, dealing with constant manipulation and emotional abuse. I try to focus on the small positives, like the fact that the physical abuse has stopped. I’m heartbroken but holding on as I work towards leaving and starting fresh in another country. Please keep me in your prayers.

[annking]

Kati. I was adopted by a narcassitic woman. I have gone through each and everyone of these and am healed. She's 98 now and afraid to die. The entire family is ready for her to go. She's an emotional vampire.

[DanyelleMullins]

One way I’m not like my narc mother is I love to learn and I love personal growth and just reflecting on life. She never did that.

[blake_]

My mom is a narcissist. It was hard for me to accept that and admit it. I appreciate your channel, it has helped a lot.

[Pheonix]

My narcissistic mother never changed. She brutally abused me. Fortunately, she died, but she never once apologized to me. She never honoured my boundaries. She erased my identity. Ironically, she always told me she hated me, but she hated and rejected the person she forced me to become (NOT the true person I am that was buried deep down inside of me). After she died, it took me 10 years to figure out my own true identity. My mother never validated or approved me once. I never had a support group. My mother successfully convinced others that I was the problem thus also destroying my reputation. When I finally stopped jumping through “all her hoops”, my life improved despite the guilt she dumped on me. I was over exhausted taking care of all her needs and ignoring mine. She never allowed me to take care of my own needs and then said she was disgusted with me and blamed me for being so disgusting. She was extremely selfish. I grieve never having a mother who loved me. Due to my mother being so cruel and horrible, she caused me to even hate the word “mother”. The best day of my life was when my mother died. That was when I finally had the guilt-free freedom to discover who I truly am, actually take care of my needs for the first time in my life, and slowly work on my own healing and becoming the best version of myself. I am still a work in progress. The best advice I could give to teenage children of narcissistic parents is to begin working part-time, save ALL your money, and move 300 miles away (escape) from your narcissistic parents the moment you become 18 years old. Before moving out, secretly learn everything you can about how to take care of yourself and how to live independently. Put all your plans into place and then move out. Then go no contact with your parents. You do not owe them anything. Then figure out who you are and live your best life. This is what I wish I would have done.

[looneybleu]

Thank you for this. I am an only child. Mother died 8 years ago. I am still healing. This helped more than years of therapy.

[CHCH]

It took me 30+ years to realize my mom and my dad are both hardcore narcissists after going through too many crying-out-loud-alone events. It's scary to think how I managed to survive. There are a few instances when I thought of a quick end and wanted nothing to do with this world. I feel pity for my younger self for all the pain that suffered and had no courage to draw any boundaries as I needed their validation to survive. Thanks to both of them for giving me a shit ton of mental issues that I do not even know I could fully recover from in my life. Glad that I now live far away and that I am somewhat able to find peace in current chaotic and stressful world.

[gropponedaficulle]

This matters so much to me I'm almost in tears to hear my life laid out in front of me so clearly. There is no way I can express my gratitude enough for these videos and this one in particular 🙏

[Femster]

And when you hang up the phone on your verbally abusive mother….and 10 minutes later you have to make a call….you pick the handset up, only to hear your mother still yelling down the phone at you. She didn’t realise you had hung up on her.

[cristina]

Changing and growing requires humility and honesty which narcissists are INCAPABLE of
My mother died 7 months ago of cancer and not even in the end she was willing to admit all the nightmare she put me through
There's no point in waiting for them to ever self inquire They simply don't wanna go there, that shows their self loathing

[KaitlinCreates]

I have just lost my mother to cancer, during her last years she started to change, slowly growing away from her narcissistic self, but not quite getting there before the end. I was so excited, hoping I'd finally have the mom I always wished for, but it never happened. My husband not 2 years prior, went through a similar thing. Knowing what I know now, I wish I was a better support for him. Losing a mother, and everything we wished for in that relationship is something I feel like no one can truly understand and empathize with unless they go through it themselves. Having someone around who knows what you're going through and can relate to the intense feelings of shame and guilt is something I would have gone crazy without. Though a lot of your video cant be used any longer for us (boundaries and stuff), the ones that still applied helped a lot. I always look forward to watching your videos with my husband as we find ways to heal from our shitty pasts together <3 Thank you for helping us

[lindawinters]

Kati, I’m 67 years young. I had a narcissistic mom and then gained a narcissistic mother-in-law. What a long, complicated journey this has been. This is such a wonderful video, and so helpful to remind us to keep celebrating our growth! I am now a grandma, with grandkids who love me deeply. I also have a wonderful relationship with the best daughters-in-law ever. Breaking the cycle is so freeing! Your videos are priceless…thank you!

[onazna]

The other day, a thought i had and feeling that i so deeply miss my mother, the one i thought and needed to have, came and it felt so overwhelming. It was such a deep longing and deep hurt and sadness where the emptiness is i really miss the relationship and connection that was not there. And when i heard you saying it out loud in my own exact words felt so validating and it made me feel less out of place. Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart