Toxic Masculinity | Men's Mental Health

The culture of toxic masculinity is just one factor that often prevents men from seeking help for their mental health.

In this video, we're going to talk about toxic masculinity and how it affects men's mental health from Kyle's perspective.

Masculinity is often considered to be a positive trait, but this isn't always the case. As we'll discuss in this video, toxic masculinity can have negative consequences. We'll chat about the ways that toxic masculinity affects men's emotions and relationships.

[Janeway]

Women have become more outspoken about all the things they endure. Emotions suppressed is one thing where the disadvantages lean towards the guys, and I'm glad it's being flushed out. Men are people. There's nothing wrong with men being openly afraid, uncertain, scared, sad, crying etc.

[rhondawilliams]

I have two older brothers and one is a narcissistic and the other one was diagnosed with schizophrenia and I'm really close to my brother with schizophrenia. He's admitted to comment suicide twice now. I feel like men metal health needs to be shared more often than not. Thank you for everything you do here and God bless.

[danavixen]

Childhood trauma can usually do a number on a man's mental health and most of the men who dealt with such trauma are afraid to address it. They use vices such as food, drugs, alcohol and/or sex to mask their pain. However, it only exacerbates the pain.

[kategeskin]

This is the first time im hearing someone says these words- if you dont got this- its ok.
This should be said more often.
Thank you.

[kevinwhite]

My parents never suggested I just suck things up and I didn't have any 'you need to be more of a man' stuff growing up from my family; I got some of it from school, but mostly just general 'you're different' bullying. However, it's so obvious my dad got that message of 'just don't talk about your feelings', and I also internalized it in a way in that I've never gone to seek help on my own until... a month ago, and I'm 41 and have suffered with anxiety continuously my whole life and depression intermittently.

[pdizzle]

I have found in life that times when I have broken out of the idea that men should be emotionally muted and never open up and discuss feelings, it has gotten me shunned. I realized a couple years ago that pretty much all of my friends only were interested in drinking beer, watching football and never discussing anything meaningful. If a friend had a wife leave them, it could never be discussed in any way whatsoever. When my own wife left me, having a desire to talk about it a little pretty much made me not welcome in my friend circle. I honestly do not understand what the point of life is if nobody discusses or shares anything meaningful with each other. Just drink and watch football and pretend you are okay? Seems like a shallow life. It's sad I lost my friends, but I don't see how it could have been avoided. Our priorities and outlook on life have become too different. For me, being so committed to the male stereotype that you are unable to have meaningful conversations or be there for a friend who is going through something is the definition of toxic masculinity.

[indieauthorjasonblayne]

Growing up in southern West Virginia i grew up always hearing those comments. "Just get over it." "Babies/women cry!" "Stop being a woman." "I'll give you a reason to cry!" "Walk it off." "Drink until it doesn't hurt."

For years I've suffered abuses and being told to get colder and tougher. I was taught obedience, tolerance, acceptance, and loyalty. After years of suffering in silence and being sober for years I've put myself in therapy and I'm slowly making progress. I wasn't wanted by either biological side but my adopted dad and step dad want/wanted me around (dad died in 2018 which is why I put wanted) and my wife has endured so much to get my mind in a good place.

You don't have to suffer. Mentally I've been thru hell on Earth and was always known as the toughest person anyone knew but others seeing me getting mental help now realize that I took more than anyone and never broke and by getting help I am ensuring I heal. Never be ashamed to ask or reach out for help. Take it from me. Someone who even 1 year ago would have never asked.

[ellie]

2:50
The toxic messages to women is to never get angry, we're taught to put others first... This makes us vulnerable to depression and getting taken advantage of.

As I say, we ALL need to learn, express, accept and manage the FULL range of natural HUMAN emotions.

They protect us, hello us Orient ourselves and connect with others in healthy, meaningful ways.

5:26
Women AREN'T told it's ok to feel anger. That's women's equivalent of "suck it up"....

We're frowned on, discouraged, disciplined for it. The message is that it's not acceptable, it's not allowed. So we end up putting up with a lot of awful behaviour towards us and we get depressed.
We're taken advantage of by our friends, by our bosses, by our boyfriends, husbands, even children.

That's just as toxic to women as "toxic masculinity " is to men.
Because we "suck up" all the shoddy treatment from other people, we don't feel that we're allowed to speak up and defend ourselves.
So that anger that we're not allowed to feel, turns inwards to low self esteem, self hatred, martyr complex, depression, self harm etc etc.

Not healthy ways of expressing and getting those emotions out. They stay inside, stifled.

And again, as with toxic masculinity, we're stunted emotionally, but in a different way.

Both sexes are prevented from experiencing and managing the FULL range of human emotions.

The individuals suffer and our ability to have open, honest and healthy relationships with ourselves and others, is harmed.
EVERYONE loses.

[lexitao]

I'm a woman, but when I was a young naive child, I simply couldn't understand why boys weren't allowed to cry. It seemed so unfair. Now I just feel sad for all men and women, because toxic masculinity negatively affects us all. My indirect experience with toxic masculinity is that my father would tell me not to cry when I was a child, despite being a girl. So now I feel very ashamed and uncomfortable crying in front of people and always try to be alone when I do cry.

[InTheBleakMidwinter]

"it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"

[theladyamalthea]

Thank you for this video! I know a man who was sexually abused as a child, and because of the gender stereotypes and “be tough” mentality, he was ashamed to tell anyone or go to Therapy. He tried alcohol, anger, and other hurtful things to mask the pain, but only found healing when he finally told someone and got professional help. I’m very proud of the man he is today.

[katababinszki]

It is so inspiring and comforting to see you open up and be vulnerable, Kyle. I love your thoughtful edgy questions, your skepticism, but I truly respect and adore you for your courage, honesty when you put down your armor. Thank you! 😊

[sudhakhristmukti]

Thank you Kyle for sharing your own struggles and journey, so openly.

[msmom]

It took decades of conversations with our dad for him to get to the point where he didn't see going to therapy and prescription drugs as a weakness.

[cindyc]

It's truly sad that civilized society still shames men for normal human feelings and behavior. A lot of men seem to lean into anger, rage, and fighting when they are truly feeling hurt, sadness, loss, and anxiety. I truly hope men find the support they need, whether in therapy or in guidance and mentorship from other men who have overcome a lot of difficulties in their own lives.

[susanbradleyskov]

Any rigid code of conduct that consistently denies or suppresses the humanity of a human being is toxic.

[ellie]

2:10
When I hear the phrase and the definition you read out I *always* see it as detrimental to the men themselves too.

I say that as a woman.
Of COURSE it's detrimental to them. It's restricting them to a rigid box of do's and don'ts.

It's holding them back from experiencing the full range of support that we all need.

It's holding them back from experiencing and expressing the full range of positive emotions.

It's preventing them from being able to experience and express the full range of living emotions, of compassion, love and kindness first for themselves and so it's stunting their ability to fully connect in future with a life partner.

Everybody loses from such a regressive and rigid box to try to fit into.

I've never once seen so called "toxic masculinity" as something that only impacts women.
I say that as a woman myself.

We all, whether women or men, can experience the full range of human emotions, and we should be allowed to and encouraged to do that in a healthy way.

To be able to connect with and manage our own emotions should be everyone's goal and, in an ideal world, our first caregivers should be able to help us to do that but many are ill equipped themselves to do that so we imbibe these messages from the external, often messed up, world. And pick up terrible habits from it own parents.

In order to have loving, close relationships with others, whether friends, family members, our own children and our partners we all must recognise that we're HUMAN first and foremost, and we are male or female secondary to that.

We all need to recognise, accept, connect with and manage our own full range of natural HUMAN emotions and resist this false notion of extreme shoulds and oughts. These are harmful to EVERYONE.

🙏

[rochellea]

There are actually more suicide attempts made by women; however men usually choose more effective means such as firearms. Not to take away from men’s issues at all - but one should put this statistic in context.

[damonroberts]

I absolutely _loathe_ the term "toxic masculinity", and it's not because I think men haven't earned some constructive criticism. If you mean that someone has "over-compensating macho swagger", or "narcissistic grandiose entitlement", or that they're aggressive, or condescending, or "lacking empathy", say so. Most of these behaviours have their origin in insecurities that aren't especially masculine, or typical of a _functional, emotionally mature_ adult man.

[cherissataylor]

Toxic masculinity is a topic that really needs to be addressed worldwide for the mental health of men and children.