Stop Calling it 'Toxic Masculinity' | Reece MacKinney | TEDxMountainAve

[Disciple]

I like his exploration and disclaimer that he doesn’t know everything. That humility softens the blow of anything that might sting the ears for people that need to hear it. As someone who meanders between stoic and expressive I have to suggest that there’s a place for both. Not to a detrimental degree, but in particular settings. As a man I see things often the way my father raised me to; as an opportunity not just to exhibit emotional strength and utility to the moment, but to lend it to others. I was raised to be of service and to ease the burdens of others. I think twice as much as I speak, so it comes in handy in moments when I cannot let emotion lead my words.
In moments of crisis, trauma and adrenaline it’s important to be the rock in the river. When someone is bleeding to death, if you wear your terror on your face, wreak the panic on the injured, they will only panic and die faster. When my 2 year old was in CHLA with 2 skull fractures, looking to me for reality to see if things were going to be alright, there was simply no way I could let him see my pain. No way I could let him feel my fear, my dread. I could only hold him, smile and kiss him, tell him that Mommy and Daddy are here and you’re safe.
When my military customer makes a mistake, causing thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours worth of rework, when they’re panicking and all is lost, it’s my duty to be the one that comforts them and helps them move forward.
I am expressive of all emotions at their proper time. I am vulnerable to my partner, my children, my parents and my friends. I can come undone and I make sure I do it when I need to, in a safe way. Because after that, it’s back to who I am meant to be, it’s back to being strong but human. Quiet but approachable, positive but truthful. It’s my purpose in this life to be a light, I am not diminished by this choice, I take care of myself but everyone arounds me firmly comes first. That’s what My daddy taught me and I’m honored to be the same.

[Cam_vanOordt]

"Stunting forms of masculinity". That is probably the best way I've ever heard somebody explain the characteristics others are trying to isolate from the term "toxic masculinity". The word "forms" allows the interpretation that there are some positive sides that do not need to be changed, and stunted could allow the meaning to be simply not to its full potential yet. If you're trying to change the opinion or actions of somebody who is afraid to show or express their emotions you should tread carefully and definitely not start with an insult such as "toxic". Love the clip, great ideas and expression of them.

[Learning-Account-Yee]

I never went through what this man did. I really appreciate what his PE teacher did. Showing empathy and compassion to other men needs to happen more.

[tarawarrick]

always meant to watch this i remember when it first came out… decided to watch it tonight. Good job Reece!

[sylvestervanoosterhout]

Real masculinity is to empower the Weak not preying on them!

I'm mirin' you brah❤️

[katscheib]

Yes. Please do not accept or tolerate unkind speech, unempathetic behavior to other humans male or female.

[s.a.adams-ford]

Even if he's asleep, whisper in your man's ear... I love you. Men need to hear that when there is no obligation attached to it.

[harlancomer]

Both the wrestling coaches and the PE teacher did the right thing, they told you to control your emotions rather then letting them control you. What an idiotic statement it is that CONTROL of your emotions is what causes men to have UNCONTROLLABLE outbursts. The only real "toxic" view on male emotion would be to say that men do not feel emotion at all, which I have never seriously heard from any man in my life. Telling a young boy that he needs to be aware of and then overcome his emotions is literally the only way to help the boy become a self-sufficient and therefore virtuous man, and your suggestion that it is somehow then opposite is what is truly "toxic".

[TacticalNewbie]

Masculine traits that others with privilege deem as "toxic" may actually be a form of survival for those who may not come from a background of opportunity, freedom and safety. More specifically traits of "stoicism" and "toughness" in some is generally derived out of necessity. Environments that require a man to fight to survive is often the background from which these traits develop.

Men raised in times or environments of War, Starvation, Poverty, Abuse etc tend to development traits like toughness, perseverance, stoicism, impartiality, grit etc as a requirement for survival. These traits tend to stick with these men even in times of security and stability.

Generally these traits are hard to unlearn after a prolonged period of time but also some may feel that if these traits were effective through times of hardship it should be just as effective if not more in times of prosperity.

"Tough times create strong men, strong men create easy times. Easy times create weak men, weak men create tough times".

[adammyers]

Hmmm, interesting points. I’ve always thought of toxic masculinity as a label for gender norms that are toxic, not as a descriptor of the men themselves

[ad-jk]

Clever guy. Not saying that coaches were bad guys, instead saying they were good, but still saying they were taught wrong. If he was surrounded by only men like his PT teacher and no men like his wrestling coaches, he would have never learnt to deal with problems on his own but always needing a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes you need to and it was good that he was surrounded by both kinds of men. He would have been a broken man if there were only men like his wrestling coaches but also a very unmanly man if not for them.

[morenopaco]

Very thoughtful. The term toxic masculinity is judgmental. Call me or my behavior toxic and the door is closed to any dialogue. You’ve already figured out that I’m toxic? I’ll be on the defensive. Not helpful at all.

[thanoscube]

Thank you sir. It is humbling to see you go up on stage and speak this challenging idea 🙏

[megaelsa]

Toxic masculinity and toxic femininity don't exist. The behaviors we try to describe are psychopathy and narcissism. The are not the extreme versions of the masculine and feminine. If you take masculinity and feminity to its extremes you get soldiers defending and fighting to the death to give someone else a chance at life, or nurses taking care of ebola patients. The prefix toxic- is an insult to both masculine and feminine.

[saer]

“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.” -Ibn Khaldun

It is a cycle and we are in the last stage, buckle up.

[gunfighterdrummer]

Masculine and femininity isn’t t what humans fear, it’s the personality and “scary” traits that can potentially partner up with those masculine and feminine individuals.

[discndown]

So optimistic hearing these words from a teenager. It's important to remember the connotations of the language we use, because they're listening. I would argue that his relation of the use of "toxic" to poison is actually in support of the position he's debating, though. Are the social behaviors and norms not poisoning the "seeds" who grow into the men that continue those behaviors? This is the exact reason for referring to the problem as "toxic"- the expectations for masculinity poison their capability to express any emotion other than anger and stoicism.

[yacelbijour]

There’s too many routes an individual can take. To only make this about men and their negative traits, you’d have to open up about human flaws and contrast it with perfection, but the truth is no one is perfect

[ValorantRivals]

3:04 sounds like he’s mad cause he got dumpped, 3:50 how did this cause him no not talk to you??

[abbyhayes]

Glad I stuck around for the conclusion of your argument! As your talk unfolded all I could think was how toxic the behaviors you described were, but I agree with you on the subtle nuances in language and it’s impacts. Great talk, and brilliant insight. Keep up the work!! The world needs young people like you 👏