No Contact with a Narcissistic Mother: What She Really Thinks

If you have experienced a toxic relationship with a narcissistic mother, you may be wondering what goes through her mind when you choose to cut off contact. I will share insights and shed light on this complex and often painful situation. Join us as we explore the dynamics of narcissistic mothers and the impact of going no contact. Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe for more content on this topic!

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Disclaimer: The advice and opinion are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health providers with any questions regarding your condition.

[SweetUniverse]

Every time I tried to talk to my mother about my horrible childhood, she would say, "What about MY childhood?!!" And then she'd start going on & on about that.

[rsviews]

Parents don't necessarily have to be narcissists for you ending having no contact with them. Sometimes they simply have to NOT love you. It's the same with siblings, and fake friends.

[Heyitsbonny]

I was low contact but as soon as I started processing more I became more angry and eventually it turned into no contact. I’m so angry with myself for putting up with her for so long and thinking I needed to forgive her because “I” was in the wrong and she’s “my mom”. I feel peace but also sadness longing for a mother that never existed. I know she is slandering me and fabricating stories about me with the entire family and her friends. She has always done that and they believe her especially because she fake cries. They all hate me even though they don’t actually know me. I’m not interested in that family anyway so I guess it’s okay?

[sashmax]

I went no contact with my mom in June of '21 and haven't regretted it once. I have missed her only a few times when pets passed and let it go as I knew if I opened that door, only problems would come afterward. Breaking generational curses and familiar demons has also been something I have fought to do. This, interestingly, has also brought an incredible change for the good in my life and my marriage. These very things, in my opinion and experience, have been the true roots of my family issues. Getting stronger in my faith and in my emotional well-being have been the healing ticket. My mom just isn't allowed to destroy this...

[TMichelle]

You can tell someone is a narcissist because they’re so obsessed with how things look on the outside but they actually don’t care how things really are in a deeper level. It’s empty. I plan on going no contact with my parents when i move out because I’m so tired of my having my heart broken over and over. It’s kind of wild how no one in our extended family talks to her yet she finds a way to victimize herself. With narcissists they’re either the hero or the victim but it’s always about them

[Coraliaism]

Just cut my mother off at the beginning of this month. Not once has she asked me why I don’t want a relationship with her. She continues to text me regularly to tell me how horrible I am. I don’t ever text back. She can not seem to grasp that her texts are just examples of why I will no longer have her in my life.

I was so scared to tell her how I felt. I don’t even know why. Since I ended things I have felt such a huge weigh lifted off of me. Still every time she messages me I come looking for video/posts to hear how other people are handling their toxic moms. Reminds me that there are others out there who completely get it.

[fukuxs]

This is my mom to a T.. Its sad and gross. She's very selfish manipulative, lacks empathy, and is very dishonest. I'm over it, and I don't feel bad about it. I wish her well.

[ankurdave]

I’ve been estranged from my parents several years and I agree with you. It was challenging in the beginning, but my parents have moved on and so have I. The one thing I agree is that my parents behave nicely when we meet, but they never showed true remorse for what happened. This leads me to believe that there was never any real relationship with my parents. Also, how can we say parents speak from a place of “unconditional love” when they tell us that we don’t deserve any love or deserve any respect, or when they invalidate our every thought, feeling, or decision ? That’s not unconditional love at all.

[theharringtons]

I cut my mother off years ago...she could not care less as she has my two sisters and brother to abuse..they are oblivious to what she is and started treating me like I was the problem so I cut them off too...

[abigail]

Mine has been mailing me packages after I asked at least 7 times for no more cards, letters and packages. Rambling letters about theories about health and speculating about what's going on with me. Won't acknowledge abusive past but just wants to "wipe the slate clean and move forward. Let's not belabor the past." I just want an admission of the physical violence and intimidation in private and smiling fake persona in public. I get alot of "I don't remember that." And "Don't you have any good memories!?"

[tee]

Still in shock. She said goodbye instead of just having a conversation.

[AsiahAaliyah]

Speaking from personal experience no contact can help you heal in many ways but there is so much grief to have to process.
Even years into it the grief can be super heavy if you come from a background that taught you family is the end all be all.
I would never go back to living in abuse but I wish more people would have not made it seem like no contact solves all your problems especially when you have a narc mother who is very high on the spectrum and more engulfing.
Ignoring mothers may be alot more easier to go no contact with but engulfing mothers can literally destroy your mental health if you don’t draw some really direct boundaries quickly!

I’ll always find it extremely sad how narc mothers see their daughters as accessories or props to make them appear to be someone they very well know that they’re not.

These mothers really don’t understand what real love is.
They love their children for what they can do for them not for
who the child truly is.
They want their child to have zero identity and purpose outside of serving them like a slave.

[Brimarieddddddddd]

When I was younger I always felt like I had to protect and soothe my mom. Once I was under 10 years old, and she woke me up in the middle of the night sobbing like a child, making me console her. Telling me how awful her sister was and all the details of their toxic fight, making me responsible for her feelings. She always did that, used me for a therapist I guess that’s why I am studying psychology now in college lol. I feel I was her therapist my entire life but mostly childhood. I knew about all my stepdads affairs, drinking and drug use, my dad and her domestic violence history. My mom would tell me my grandma favored my cousin over me, and liked me less. My brother and I were also responsible for our siblings our entire life. My mom said we were responsible for childcare while she worked full time because that was our way of doing “chores”. Even though it left me especially with no time for hobbies, an identity, and no sense of self. I thought my 5 siblings were my responsibility and I feel like my childhood was skipped over. Till this day my mom denies all this and will never apologize. She says I’m lying.

[meredithe]

Yeah when I was a kid, subconsciously I just always was like, who is the mother here? Me or you?

[trailladymtb]

In the process of going no contact as she may be dying right now, but she has her flying monkeys and all the triangulation going on but I can’t do it anymore I am just done It’s sad that even to the end.
Call families turned against me and her friends I don’t give a crap

[Brandy]

Thanks for pointing out that these narcs are stuck in “toddler” stage... Describes my mother perfectly when we argue ~ no ability to reason... it’s unreal.. and yes.. my attempts at no contact have been met with stalking harassment and bullying ~ even when I wanted to do normal things like move out when it was time for me to “grow up”, she completely lost her sh*t... it’s just crazy..

[sugarpuddin]

I feel the situation is simple: what value does this narcissist offer? What can they possibly ADD to your life?

Nothing!

[nancysavard]

My covert narc mom is weird. When I first moved out, she'd call and yell at me like she did while I was growing up (scapegoat, hi!). Until I realized hey, I pay my own rent and I don't have to put up with this crap, so I'd hang up on her. Then I'd visit her new home with her new husband, and I noticed she had no photos of me around. Not a single one. But multiple ones of several family members. Over the years, as I distanced myself and grieved the relationship we would never have, she'd call late at night and cry into my answering machine. She'd admit she hadn't treated me well and asked if I'd hate her forever. But that was the problem... I didn't hate her. I just didn't 'care' about her. Twenty years ago, I found out she was lying to the family (her brothers and sisters), letting them think I was in touch with her all the time (but leaving them to wonder why I never came around). As the years passed, she contacted me less and less, but would reach out on occasion. But I didn't feel the need to have a relationship. Last year, her husband passed. She made a point of telling me there was no service, but that was a lie. I found out about the service after it happened, so I left an online message to his family. Get this...she'd written me out of her narrative. I didn't exist, hence why she didn't want me at that service. All her work colleagues didn't know she had a daughter, which I imagine caused her some embarrassment. She later called, crying, told me she was alone (to which she admitted she probably had herself to blame). I didn't comment. It's been almost 18 months. As she gets older, I expect to one day get a phone call telling me she passed away. It's weird and I don't know how I'll handle that. But it's the choice I made and I'll deal with it when it happens.

[peaceriver]

I tried no contact several times. However, the last time she shamed me and unloaded all of her anger and disappointment in me and told me I don't have a voice... I went no contact and I haven't looked back. She called my daughter a week ago and was trying to get information, stating her concern for me because she heard I was sick. No info was given to her and it did not make me want to contact her. I hope she has a plan in place for when she may need help in her elderly years because the golden child isnt going to help her...

[cumxrlb]

I am 61 and NM 81 and still continues to gaslight me and be abusive. So glad I found your channel. You have helped me so much in the healing process. My mom is a covert narcissist.