Doctor Reacts To Ridiculous Onion Medical Headlines

The Onion is one of the smartest and funniest voices out there, so I once again reacted to a bunch of their medical headlines and articles. Today we talk about the CDC, ribs, sumo wrestling, Jimmy Carter, boxing gloves, surgery, sports injuries, morticians, zombies, Dr. Scholl’s, opioids, crossfit, babies, my strange addiction, fetuses, kid’s toys, doctors without borders, aliens, Elon Musk, HIPAA, smallpox, rinderpest, psoas muscles, billboards, conor mcgregor, shapewear, spanx, goop, gwenyth paltrow, cryosleep, and detox teas.

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-Doctor Mike Varshavski

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* Select photos/videos provided by Getty Images *

** The information in this video is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images, and information, contained in this video is for general information purposes only and does not replace a consultation with your own doctor/health professional **

[Hoshimaru]

Something I saw recently: remember if you’re ever on an alien planet and you get sick, don’t go to the doctor, go to the vet. The doctor will only know how to treat the local dominant species, but a vet will have knowledge of a wide array of species specific care.

[chopie]

Funny story, my surgeon said "uh-oh" literally 2 seconds after cutting open my armpit for removing what he originally thought was a swollen lymph node. On the table he was like "okay so, change of plans, it's a lipoma" removed some of it, it hurt as hell when he was stitching me, because the local numbing sedation thing was gone and I cried like a baby, because imagine how sensitive an armpit is. The lump was still huge and there was no improvement of the quality of my life. It hurt when I wore bra, backpacks, when I slept on my side and it was freaking huge and ugly and confidence killer. So two years after that first surgery I went to the same surgeon, he opened it again and his words were "honey, there was never a lipoma here" so I'M CONFUSED AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. There was no result, my GP said that it was just a cosmetic issue and I should leave it as it is.
I went to another surgeon and he immediately told me that is was a polymastia, I basically had a third brest with the size of a tennis ball under my armpit. He removed all of it now it's all gone. Unfortunately I had nerve complications and had to go to physiotherapy and thee other doctors and now I also have a 3 inch scar.
Sooo.. moral of the story.. choose your surgeons well!
Thank you for all who read my story.

[sallyshort]

I’m a nurse in longterm care. A couple months ago, I was talking to the pickup guy from a funeral home who told me their place did have someone "come back to life." It was a little girl who had been under palliative/hospice care because of a chronic condition which included severe bradycardia. At home, her heart rate had gone undetectable, and she was otherwise non responsive. She was pronounced dead and taken to funeral home. A bit later, one of the workers heard a knocking on the morgue door. The little girl was alive and wanting out.

[elephantchessboard]

"a surgeon saying oops is the last thing you want to hear" I honestly disagree. I dont want this to be the last thing I hear.

[jeffrapier]

6:55 is only too true. My wife had been bleeding "down there" for over a year straight and docs always blew off our concerns about it, even when she had ended up hospitalized with COVID and the nurses saw what was happening. Turns out, she had to be on death's door due to critically low blood count before finally a doctor looked into the cause: Uterine cancer stage 3. Still dealing with the spread of that cancer as they couldn't get it all with a hysterectomy. If only a doctor would have looked into it when we started to raise concerns, it could have been caught before it spread.

[bema]

As a German it wasn't too hard to know, what "rinderpest" means: "Rinder" means cattle/cows and "pest" is the plague.

[pmbluemoon]

6:51 I've actually had to do this before. My skin was falling off in chunks. The first time I went in to dermatology, I got some cream. Skin got worse. I tried to tell my dr that it wasn't helping, they said "I'm going to up the dosage" it got worse yet. I asked if I was allergic to the medication, they asked if I believed "everything I saw on TV?" when I told them about the side effects mentioned in the patient sheet and in the commercial. I finally stopped using the medication, my skin kinda healed up, but I was labeled "med non-compliant" and later I found out the person was getting kickbacks from the medication company. I wasn't the only one with permanent skin damage (and a bit of a deflated sense of self) I now look like a spotted animal on one side from all the skin loss from blistering and such. No one ever cared to take "medication non-compliant off my record, so now I get that "are you going to take this correctly?" every time I get a new medication! UGH.

[grig]

One of my favourite real life stories is one my father retells from a doctor friend; someone called his assistant asking where if he is free, they reply “Monday he’s in the hospital, Tuesday in rehabilitation, Wednesday in the morgue, should be free on Thursday” only later did they realise the person calling didn’t know he was a doctor…

[TheRealGuywithoutaMustache]

Some of these Onion articles make you wonder what's going on inside someone's minds as they write these. They're actually creative.

[SD-oigr]

The “waiting to become sick enough to get the right treatment” title hits so hard. I may not be female but I’ve literally been turned away in a hospital more than once because my vitals were too good when I was actively internally bleeding and nearly died. I literally had to puke up litres of blood (obviously nearly died) for them to believe me.

[mischievousmarker]

Hi Dr. Mike, I just wanted to express my appreciation for the subtitles. I have congenital hearing loss and the vast majority of creators don't take the time to add captions to their videos, which obviously makes it more difficult to understand what's going on. I'm sure you won't see this comment but I love your videos and hope you will continue making more.

[annawood]

If a doctor refuses to look into an issue, tell them to put in in your chart that they refuse. Usually that puts them in their place, because if they document their refusal, and your symptoms get worse later, then there’s proof that they’re at fault.

[StopSmearCampaigns]

The one about waiting to be sick enough is actually reality. People either aren't believed or they aren't given treatment because they're not sick enough, mainly because of lack of funding and resources and understanding.

[introvertedbandnerd]

The one about waiting to be sick enough for the right treatment hit me so hard. It took until I was bleeding out from a hemorage in my uterus, for them to realize I wasnt just complaining about "normal" menstral cycle pain.💜

[nomzhlf]

It’s sad, but that joke about patients not going in for medical care until their disease is progressed enough to be taken seriously is 100% true in the case of eating disorders. Most people with eating disorders delay treatment for months or even years because they don’t feel they’re sick enough to be worthy of treatment. This is largely perpetuated by healthcare professionals who often invalidate these sufferers, telling them they’re fine.

[nnn]

The number of injuries I've had become permanent when they could've been treated early just because a doc didn't believe it was serious enough is ridiculous. We need better training in patient care, theory is not enough.

[purplemister]

About the coming back to life thing.... It reminds me of a prank my co-workers pulled back in the day. I used to work as a transporter at a hospital, and one of our tasks was to transport the recently deceased down to the morgue. On your first day they bring you to the morgue, the job isn't for everyone, and we want you to know what to expect. Al, one of my co-workers, brought this new guy down there, guy was visibly nervous because dead bodies. They walk into the cooler where the dead are kept on gurneys in levels, think narrow, 6 level bunk beds. You often see their feet sticking out because someone didn't wrap them properly. So Al pulls out one of the dead, just showing the new guy where we put the identification tag, how to wrap... The corpse BOLTS UP flailing their arms, screaming bloody murder. The new guy fainted on the spot. Al had wrapped up another of my co-workers to spook the new guy, who quit the next day.

They have since put up several regulations prohibiting this sort of behavior.

[khalilahd.]

Dr.Mike with the glasses today! You know these reactions are going to be good 😂😂

[Stettafire]

7:02 When the onion isn't actually the onion and is horrifyingly accurate

[tylerszulkowski]

My local hospital made a billboard with just an image of a pillow and the words "HEART MEDICATION." on it. Apparently it's supposed to be saying that sleep is the best heart medication.