The 4 Overlooked Challenges of BPD in Relationships

As noted in many of the comments, there is a grammatical error. I certainly apologize for that and hope that you can still get some thing positive from the video.

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

In the video, Dr. Fox explores the connection between borderline personality disorder (BPD) and insecurity in relationships. The discussion covers topics such as the choice of partners, strategies for identifying and managing relationship insecurity, the distinction between the desired and necessary aspects of a relationship, and examining personal beliefs about oneself and the partner. The video aims to provide insights into overcoming insecurity associated with BPD in relationships.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
00:36 Why you're attracted to certain people
03:57 Reasons you're in those relationships
05:16 how to make different relationship choices
05:27 Afraid of partner abandonment
07:12 Trying to keep your partner
11:07 Beliefs about you and your partner

[tessah.]

The self awareness I experienced watching this is both enlightening and terrifying. I pray i have the strength to make the changes I need to make with my husband

[thorzyan]

"You're" 😉 (Great content as always doc, just had to feed the OCD grammar demon)

[brybaby]

Honestly, if I don't have my partner... i unfortunately don't have anyone, literally. No family or friends. I'm working on that though... Long road.

[levitatestudent]

Here is the one area where I actually got it for 37 years to my number one favourite person. My mum used to say he was put on the planet for knew somehow.

But whatever the reason we have stuck by each sickness and in health.

[chilloften]

I’m such a loner and isolated. So I do want to change that fact and I want to need people. But it can be heartbreaking. I rarely find a soul I’m both attracted & interested in. So when it happens, it’s not working out.
🌲🌺🦋🌸

[VeronicaNicole]

I’m looking forward to this one. I feel like I’m dating a great guy (8 months now) but I get in my head a lot still. With all the work I’ve done, I finally feel I’m worthy of a healthy relationship but sometimes I don’t know if it’s my relationship insecurities or a real issue when something comes up inside me and it can be challenging knowing what to address and what to let go of…
He’s not scared of BPD or anything and he’s very mentally strong. I think that is my absolute favorite thing about him.

[sofp]

I have an interesting case for you. What about a narcissist who thinks she’s borderline ? With reactive abuse the narcissist or even the borderline can transform the partner into a situational narcissist? The partner who is abuse suffer narcissistic wound that makes them temporarily narcissist. This way the borderline or narcissist can still blame the partner of being the narcissist or the toxic person

[Hinatafanever]

I think that I developed an attraction to people that will use and abuse me, ridicule me, and cut me down because my first experience with s*x and love, aside from the domestic violence, gaslighting, and general abuse etc. I constantly witnessed, was with the abusive brother that molested me and then left me feeling abandoned once more.

[edfreese]

If your comment on this post is about you're, then you probably have BPD. 😉 I have BPD and was going to comment on the misspelling but people beat me to it. 😀😀😀 Thanks for you videos, Dr. Fox!

[lke]

I can't tell if I'm BPD or Disorganized attachment.. it's extremely confusing 😕

[jackiegrice]

This was great Dr. Fox. I can think of a few situations that should be want vs need based, but I think you described the most important one. The hard part is convincing yourself that things can change.

[ThinkIsMe]

Thanks for this video. I am experiencing this with the best person I have ever had a relationship with, and she tried to explain the whole need thing to me and it really took a lot to understand because I wad like wait you need me to, and this was just making the cage worse, so I realized what to do but with your video starting to understand the how better.

[VeronicaNicole]

Great video! I was responsible for the chick in a cage environment I brought to my 20 year marriage. Feels good to be changing my relationships from that to a more free style although it feels scary and foreign at times. I hesitate to move further in my current relationship as I’m so afraid of going back to old ways so I move very slowly but with the right person, that’s ok. 😊

[Trashpanda]

I am not sure if I have BPD or not.. my last relationship brought out a lot of BPD traits.

[hayleymoll]

I know most people talk about leaving a BPD relationship but I haven’t found how you leave a relationship when you have BPD especially if it is toxic.

[albertcassler]

I need you, like the flowers need the rain, you know ❤
Bread

[mackamacmillan]

This is a great educational and insightful video. I so appreciate all of your insights and advice!

[itsalorikatpnw]

Thanks so much for sharing this video!

[lillym.]

Wonderful video!! I wouldn‘t have used „the chick“ as the example🤭a bit distracting because what about „the dude“? 😉
I think that learning to pick a better partner is just as important as not putting that partner into a cage/ enmeshment because if you keep picking abusive or narcissistic partners the relationship is going to fail no matter how well you manage your part in it.
I guess the question that remains is how do we fill the void so that we can turn the need into a want. I guess building self esteem?

[raychelalise]

I know this video was posted a while back….but I’ve noticed I tend to be attracted to men with dark humor. I love dark humor, but I’ve noticed that the men I date laugh at dark jokes and have blinding mental illnesses and a taste for abuse….could there possibly be a connection?