Are you a Sadist or a Masochist - and Why?

Two of the strangest but most powerful concepts in psychology are sadism and masochism. Why do we seem to delight in inflicting suffering or, even more strangely, to take satisfaction in enduring it?

FURTHER READING

“Two of the strangest but most powerful aspects of our psychology are drives we refer to respectively as sadism and masochism. By sadism is understood an enjoyment in causing others suffering. And by masochism, an enjoyment in receiving ill-treatment from others. Though commonly associated with sexual scenarios, these drives operate in all areas of life: at the office or in the school yard as much as in the bedroom or the dungeon. Unfortunately, much of what humans do is in the end explicable only with recourse to these two melancholy concepts…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Nicky Francis

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Graeme Probert

[nhmooytis]

Masochist: Hurt me, hurt me!
True sadist: NO.

[kaibuchan]

Why did our brains have to develop such complex survival mechanisms. Life is unbearable.

[Forever_Rayne]

"Once they were told by others that they were a failure, now they ruin their own chances before anyone else has the opportunity to do it for them"

If that ain't me...

[phishcatt]

HUGE discalimer that should exist in this video: Just because you have some sort of trauma, doesn't mean you have to be a sadist or a masochist. Just because someone is a s/m, doesn't mean they have trauma. Furthermore, these concepts are nowhere near a diagnosis, or linked to any mental illness.

[ryan_s]

They say a sadist is a masochist following the golden rule

[Morale_Booster]

I think also if you have no choice but to endure pain as a child you are essentially wired to enjoy pain physiologically. Seems anecdotally that way for me

[PreacherAtArrakeen]

I don't like cruelty. Either dishing it out or receiving it. So, neither.

[schsch]

I would describe kinky SM as something quite different from this everyday sadism and masochism that stems from trauma.

[jennareynolds]

as a sadist in a consentual bdsm context, this is a video topic I did not expect

[oryasu]

It's so weird like how am I masochistic when I don't even remember anything that could've caused me to become one either, like it just started at random too recently and idk why

[earlgrey]

This doesn't really apply to the sexual context of sadomadochism.

A masochist doesn't only receive pain. They also receive incredible amounts of focused attention, closeness and loving (after)care. It balances out.

And a sadist doesn't only hurt. They invest a lot of energy into planning, practicing, learning, preparing, caring for their submissive, taking on responsibility and making sure their submissive grows and benefits from the relationship.

And the powerdynamic is different too. The sadist might feel in control in the context of the roleplay. But every masochist can immediately stop the sadist with a safeword. It's always the sub who holds the real life power.

While in play it may look like the masochist serves the sadist. But its really the sadist serving the masochist (while trying to make it a win/win for both parties)

[kimberknutson]

Wow. As usual, this is brilliant, profound, wise, trenchant, deep, concise, and excellent in every way. Thank you, School of Life. I really appreciate your work. : )

[_MC]

ine of your best videos recently. simple and elegant. really feeling like I got a better hold of the topic!

[DuncanLuke]

Admittedly, when I left a broken and unsafe home, I became a sadist. It hurts me when I’ve felt threatened and realise that I’ve unconsciously preemptively hurt someone I perceive as a potential attacker over things and conversations that are proportionately unimportant. The hurt is shame.

[polreamonn]

You forgot the third role.

The Onlooker.

[noir]

0:38 "...or, even more strangely, take satisfaction in enduring it." The narrator is obviously a sadist

[KyuuKirigaya]

2:46 i needed to hear this. Its beautiful. Thankyou.

[katerinachelmis]

Sadomasochist here and the amount of love or power someone has over me verses how much love or power someone might think they have over me is really the deciding factor.

Context also matters, is it a reaction to being hurt intentionally, accidentally, unknowingly or is it a bedroom activity and what would that person prefer?

What would the end result be based on how much actual power that person has to react to me?

[christinantzachristou]

At least now I think i can understand why eventually I constantly feel useless ❤❤❤. Thanks, I appreciate it so much.

[bleehblahblue]

I love you School of Life! Thank you for always offering such cool lessons