Social Anxiety, Self-Advocacy, and Too Much Self-Help: September Mailbag | Being Well

@RickHanson and I dive into the mailbag, and answer questions from listeners focused on working with anxiety in ourselves and our relationships. We start with a question that’s essential to the podcast as a whole: is it possible to be too preoccupied with personal growth? Rick talks about how to manage the desire for approval, offering strategies to foster self-acceptance and healthier self-validation, before I share my own journey with finding the right amount of try-hard. We then discuss how to create more collaborative decisions in relationships. Additional topics include self-motivation and peak performance, working with diverse needs, and diagnostic “scope creep.”

Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:05 Am I too preoccupied with self-help and personal growth?
11:20 How do I address my unquenchable thirst for approval?
26:20 How can I tell if I’m actually doing my best?
35:55 How do I advocate for more shared decision making with my partner?
53:15 How does the brain’s natural pursuit of novelty balance with its desire for safety?
1:03:00: Recap

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[hearttalkscoach]

"Unquenchable thirst for approval" is very relatable, having lived that way for the first 27 years of my life. Working hard for others' approval was the only way I received love in my childhood environment, and became a safety mechanism. Resonating with this video DEEPLY because I over-corrected and dove into self-help content telling me to "completely detach" and "stop being needy" and assumed I shouldn't EVER want or need approval. Very hard to learn to fill your own cup when your baseline assumption is that you don't deserve it or need to earn it!

[dylanrupprecht]

I am grateful to witness two people hold space and sensitive inquiry towards everyone in general. I continually take more and more grains of salt from your podcast here, and I just wanted to express my thanks for helping me realize much about myself and how to improve my self agency. One day at a time, and I'm grateful to have this content so readily available, thank you.

[Lore]

I really admire the father and son healthy relationship. It activates, soothes and brings healing to my inner child. Thank, you !🙏😻❤️👍

[Aleatoire]

Fascinating discussion about “doing your best” - thank you!

[cp-ekrs]

I have been diagnosed with social anxiety .This video has helped a lot .I seem to choose people that mirror the people that caused my trauma.I intend to try to make the positive bigger.❤

[peacefulisland]

love these topics and this format.
One of my habits is oscillating between what everyone else is thinking about me to not caring what anyone does.
Hyper vigilant as a kid with cause and then choosing isolation over tension.
Sometimes, actually often, I wish I couldn't see so much of how I behave.
Go back to gum chewing and lip gloss.
🙄🤣🙃
💄

[peacefulisland]

And it's funny, Krishnamurti said once we realize the truth we no longer have choices. All of the unhealthy "choices" drop away, they're no longer on the menu. It resonated for me when I read and wrestled with it years ago. Letting go of all the nonsense allows the one true path to appear! 🙏

[cassieblessed]

Omigosh I instantly gravitated toward the title. It’s so me ugh 😢.

[wabznasm]

I struggle with a background urge to feel good at any cost which drove me to therapy but which makes me recriminate myself too often and feel bad about feeling bad. I’m currently in the middle of a breakthrough where I’m consciously dropping my expectations, trying to stop scrabbling about for stimulus or some “proof” that I’m feeling good, and realising there’s only one button to press, which for me is body awareness.

[SarahSedge]

Hi Forrest, I have come to your most recent video to respond as I did not know a way to message you directly. At 49 years old I have recently started CBT to move forward with my life and some of the key words that came up in these CBT sessions meant I started searching online and found your content. I want to let you know that what you and your dad are doing and the content you create is making a significant difference in my life. For people who are struggling it is very difficult to like, share or comment for fear of exposing themselves. Is there an email that we can perhaps share our thanks with you to ? I know that you will not be able to read all the messages but for the people whose lives you are touching I think it would be wonderful for us to be able to send our thanks to you privately, just so you know you are making a difference. Thank you for what you are doing ❤

[ardeaeichner]

It's also worth mentioning diagnostic creep certainly can happen but there are also questions like self diagnosis- and with the new availability of education that can be quite holistic -- many people can really consider their inner experiences when others talk and relate about theirs as well in this online market of ideas. Sometimes it isn't as much over diagnosis. That said, it can still also just be useful (since the spectrum is such a spectrum) to point out maybe the specific habit that creates the social difference, rather than just the diagnosis itself

[pamwatkins]

Soo good, to see, you, and&, , , your father!

[grateful]

Liked "getting on your own side." Thanks.

[madhursharma]

This episode goes deep in anxiety and self help.
How many of you would be happy if you have the detailed notes of the podcast so that after listening this podcast you can have and read the important stuff in 10 mins anytime you want.
Let me know your response.

[mlouw]

Thanks for this episode! I could definitely relate to most of the questioners and found your responses interesting and helpful 😊🙏 This definitely wouldn’t stop diagnosis creep, but I do think the DSM should bring back Aspergers as a diagnosis; since, even though there might be similar route causes at the heart of challenges of someone on the spectrum who has higher support needs and someone with lower, it really is a different thing.

[pv]

Interested to learn what is 'The Goldylocks Experience' that you mention?

[megpierce]

Forrest, why aren't you a psychotherapist?!?